Chapter Twenty-Six
I never even changed out of my dress. Instead, I paced my room so long that I was surprised I didn’t wear out the carpet. A summer internship at Piedmont, working with my dad? At one point, this would have been a dream come true. Now? Not so much. In that moment, I thought back on my decision to hook up with Colton. Who would have thought one night of sex in a barn would change my life so completely. Colton had taught me a lot in our months together, and I refused to throw it all away. I wasn’t perfect, but I could be better. I could even learn to like myself.
One thing that wasn’t going to help was spending more time with my father and his world, at least not for the reasons he was offering it. Maybe sometime in the future when he was ready for a normal father-daughter relationship, or at least as close to one as we could muster, I’d go for it, but neither of us were ready for that yet. I finally gave up pacing and walked downstairs.
I hesitated outside the den. Dad was reading the paper on his tablet.
“Dad. I need to talk to you.”
“Hi, honey. Is this still about Tanner? I didn’t think it would upset you so much.”
I didn’t believe that. He had to have known.
“No.” For such a short word, it packed a punch.
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t want the summer internship.”
“And why not?”
“Because you’re trying to buy me, and I’m not something that can be bought.”
“Buy you? You’re my daughter. I don’t need to buy you.”
“I don’t want to be your puppet. I don’t want you trying to turn me into your idea of perfect. I’m just fine the way I am.”
“My idea of perfect? I just want you to be happy and successful.”
“Happy and successful? And I can’t do that on my own terms?”
“I guess not.” Dad’s hand balled into a fist at his side. He was getting angry. “When I don’t interfere in your life, you continue to make stupid decisions.”
“Excuse me? What stupid decisions?”
“Jack Waters was one thing, but Colton Waters?”
“Colton’s not Jack, and Jack dumped me before things could get too serious.”
“Thank God for that.”
“He wasn’t that bad.” I couldn’t believe I was defending Jack. Things do change.
“He wasn’t? Then why’d he give you up so easily? A real man fights for what he wants.”
Dad paled, like he realized he’d just let something really bad slip out.
“Give me up easily? What are you talking about?”
“Nothing. Let’s just go to bed. We can talk about this another time.”
“No. Tell me. Did you have anything to do with Jack breaking up with me?” I thought back on Jack’s words. It wasn’t what I thought.
“Please, Mallory. Now isn’t the time.”
“It’s the perfect time.” I crossed my arms.
“It was the only way.”
“Spit it out, Dad. What did you do?”
“It’s not worth discussing.” He turned and stormed out of the room.
I followed him, but he’d closed his door. I knocked. “Open up, Dad. I deserve an answer. If you don’t tell me, I’m leaving.”
He ripped open the door. “I was only protecting you. I did what I had to.”
“Yeah? Protecting me? Let’s pretend for a second that I believe you. What did you do to protect me?”
“I paid him off.” He said the words calmly, like they were of no importance.
“You paid him off? You paid him to dump me?” I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. All that time thinking I did something wrong, that I wasn’t good enough for Jack, and Dad was the one who made him break it off with me?
“I paid him to stay away from you. I made it worth his while. You deserved better.”
“What? I deserved better? How can you even say that? You weren’t even around to know me!” Anger engulfed me. How could someone who was supposed to love me do something so cruel?
“I wanted to be.” His eyes locked on mine.
“Then why weren’t you? I never tried to keep you away. I wanted you to love me, Dad. I wanted you to spend time with me.” I couldn’t even describe how unworthy his absence made me feel. How empty. Rob was an awesome step-dad, but he couldn’t make up for the fact that my own dad didn’t want me in his life.
“I promised your mom.”
“Promised her what?” I calmed my breathing. If I wanted answers from my father I needed to keep my cool.
“That I’d stay out of your life.”
“That’s not true. You’re the one who left her because she wasn’t good enough. Because we weren’t good enough for you.”
“Is that really what you believe?” For the first time, he sounded vulnerable.
“Yes.”
“Your mother didn’t think I was good for you and Davie. I was already away most the time with work, and we’d drifted. I should have fought harder, but at the time, I didn’t have the strength.”
“Maybe she had good reason to want to keep you away. Anyone capable of paying off my boyfriend is pretty toxic.” I didn’t attempt to keep the anger from my voice.
“I only did it because I love you.”
“And that’s why you’re giving me this internship, right?” I let out a deep breath. “Well, I don’t want it. I love you, Dad. I’ll always love you, but you’re never going to control me. I’d rather give up your acceptance and approval than give up who I am. I’m a good person. I’m a worthy person.”
“Of course you’re worthy. I haven’t said otherwise.”
“Not directly, but you’ve implied it. I don’t need your acceptance, and I don’t need your hand outs.”
I turned and ran upstairs. I pulled out my suitcase and started stuffing in my clothes haphazardly. I didn’t care what wrinkled. I just needed to get out.
“Mallory.” Dad said my name softly from the doorway. “Are you really leaving?”
“Yes. I’m going to see the one man who loves me unconditionally as I am.”
“Rob isn’t your father,” he grumbled.
“I’m not talking about Rob.”
“Colton? You think he loves you?”
“I know it. And I know I love him.” I felt the truth of the words deep in my heart. I needed Colton. I needed to get lost in his arms.