I felt a moment of panic. What the heck was going on? “Umm, okay. You going to expand on that at all?”
“I don’t want to be here and besides Emmett texted me, I might try to work things out with him.”
“Seriously? What happened to him being like a lost dog who can’t get a clue when he’s not wanted?” Jess had dumped her longtime boyfriend back in September because she wanted to have a fun senior year. He’d tried to get back together with her a few times, but she always refused.
“I changed my mind.”
“What’s really going on?”
She started sobbing. I sat down on the bed pulling her into my arms. “What happened? You have to tell me.”
“I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Done what?”
“It. With Jared.”
“Oh… Did he hurt you or something?” I asked, afraid of the answer.
“It was my first time,” she mumbled and at first, I thought I’d heard her wrong.
“What did you say?”
“It was my first time. I was a virgin, okay.”
I tried to rein in my surprise. Instead of asking why she had pretended to sleep with guys before, I asked the more immediate question. “Then why did you?”
“He didn’t ask me if I was sure. Guys always ask if you’re sure you want to… It’s always my way out. Jared didn’t ask.”
“Oh, Jess.” I hugged her again and let her tears soak through my shirt. Somehow, my “anything goes” friend had managed to get seriously hurt and I couldn’t help but feel responsible. Jess was always so flippant about hooking up with guys that I hadn’t worried about her after the first night. She seemed so interested in him I didn’t see any reason to interfere. It wasn’t an excuse and I felt like an incredibly self-absorbed and horrible friend.
“You won’t hate me for leaving, will you?” Jess appeared so vulnerable with her tear-streaked face. It was such a contrast to her usual bright smile. It made my stomach churn. I hated Jared for even existing.
“Of course not. I am so sorry, Jess. I wish there was something I could do.”
“There isn’t anything.”
“Can I ask you something?” I asked tentatively.
“Sure.”
“If you hadn’t had sex, why did you push me to sleep with Toby?”
“Push you?” Jess took in a deep breath. “Like you would let anyone push you to do something that wasn’t part of your plan? Sex on your six-month anniversary with Toby fit your plan. I just told you what you wanted to hear.”
“What do you mean something not in my plan? I don’t have a plan.”
“Of course you do. Straight A’s in high school, all state for tennis, Princeton, marry the right guy, get the perfect job, and have 2.5 perfect children.” Jess laughed but it sounded forced.
“Wow, is that really how you view me?”
“I love you, but you are not an easy friend to live up to. And look, once again I screwed up.” She laughed dryly.
“You didn’t screw up.”
“Yes I did, don’t lie to me. I messed up and now I have to live with it.”
“Don’t you want to at least talk to him? I mean, are you sure you don’t want to see him again, you know, to get some closure or something?”
“Definitely not. It’s not like I’m mad at him or anything. I wanted to sleep with him, or I thought I did, it just wasn’t what I thought it would be. It wasn’t what my first time was supposed to feel like. It should have been with Emmett. It’s funny, isn’t it? I’m with a guy for over a year and won’t put out, but I end up sleeping with a virtual stranger. But it’s too late and I just want to forget about what happened.”
“Jess…”
“Just drop it. Please?”
“Okay,” I barely whispered. “You want a ride to the airport?”
“No. You have to work. It’s bad enough I’m quitting. I’ll call a cab.”
“You sure? I really don’t mind. And stop worrying about work, it doesn’t matter.”
Jess nodded. “Really, I’ll take a cab.”
“I’m going to miss you!” I sniffled, wiping away some of my own tears. It was all happening too fast. I couldn’t believe she was leaving.
“You’ll be fine. Don’t let what happened to me keep you from Levi. I think he might be just what you need.”
“Whatever. I really couldn’t care less about Levi right now.”
“Just don’t completely write him off. I think he’s good for you. You seem to work.”
“If you say so.”
“Good. Now go to work.”
“Don’t you at least want help packing?” I asked.
“No, really, I just want to be alone.”
“All right. I get it.” I gave her another hug as I headed out. “Bye, Jess.”
***
It wasn’t until hours later when I went back up to our room after work that the reality of Jess leaving hit me. She might have been annoying at times, but she was my friend, and now I really was on my own. Dad had left me a message to let me know he’d be gone at least another week.
Feeling sorry for myself and really sad for Jess, I decided to just spend the night vegging out. I changed into lounge pants and a racer back tank, waited for the carrot cake I ordered from room service, and opened up the latest chick lit on my e-reader.
I jumped up from the couch when I heard a knock on the door.
Expecting my dessert, I quickly opened the door and moved back as Levi smiled at me from the hallway.
“What are you doing here?”
Levi pushed his way into my room as I awkwardly sidestepped him. “Did you forget we had plans?”
“Plans? Oh yeah, coffee, I forgot.” I tried to keep my voice even but I was so upset and angry. I walked over to the couch and pulled my knees up to my chest.
“Hey, what’s going on Allie?” Levi knelt down in front of me.
“You’re calling me Allie?”
“Whoa, now you are annoyed at me for calling you Allie? Can a guy ever get a break?”
I shrugged.
“Seriously, are you okay?”
“I guess, but this summer has turned into a disaster.” I’m not sure what made me open up to him, but once I started I couldn’t stop. “Jess left and my dad still hasn’t come back. So yeah, great, I get to spend the rest of the summer all alone. Just what I needed.”