Elder Merrick’s lips twitched as he bit into his hamburger. “I haven’t seen Finn in some time. I take it he’s one of the Commanders you’ve brought in to King Shadow?”
I nodded once, placing my napkin in my lap. “Yes.” My stomach was beginning to churn, and oddly I was starting to feel unwell, which had to be from the multitude of confusing and stressful events that had pounced on my life within the past week.
“He looked good,” Elder Merrick stated happily, even though his eyes held an evil glint. “Healthy. Strong. Capable.” He nodded once, setting his burger down. “You chose well.”
“Yes.” It came out the barest breath, and I cleared my throat, swallowing hard against the sudden nausea. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk about something else.” Not to mention I hadn’t even chanced a glance at Ezra, who was sitting silently to my left and absolutely reeking of possessiveness, the smell so heady it was all I could scent. Honestly, I didn’t want to push his buttons right now, feeling as I did.
Elder Merrick nodded, leaning forward halfway across the table, his expression suddenly fierce and pissed. “All right.” Navy blue eyes glowed, and I felt a pulse of his power surround me, whispering against me like a warm blanket…and suddenly, I could breathe easier and my stomach stopped twisting in knots. I sighed, feeling peace within my Core I hadn’t felt in ages. “How about we talk about the fact,” another pulse of power hit me, soothing and heated, “you’re going through shift withdrawal and you’re f**king hiding it.”
Everyone at our table froze, including me.
Elder Jacobs snapped his fingers. “That’s why her hand was shaking.”
My gaze snapped to him, and I hissed, “Mind your own damn business.”
Elder Merrick’s hand snaked across the table, and he jerked my chin around to face him. “I saw it, too.” I jerked my chin away, but he continued. “Not to mention, your damn wolf is calling out to mine, you’re suffocating her so badly.” His head cocked, a completely animalistic motion, eyes still glowing. “How long has been?”
My lips pursed, and I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to discuss this here.
“Lil,” Antonio growled softly next to me, tilting so he was in my line of sight, “you’ve shifted in the past three months, haven’t you?”
Everyone at the table knew I hadn’t shifted while I was pregnant because a Shifter’s magic kept them from doing so to protect the baby, so the last three months would have been the only time I could have. My eyes met and held Antonio’s. And it must have shown that I had not, in fact, shifted for the last three months, because he started cursing up a storm.
Elder Merrick’s wolf growled quietly, earning my attention, especially when his comforting power pulled back and I was suddenly sick to my stomach again. So much so, I put a hand to my mouth instantly to keep from puking, and damn, if it didn’t involuntarily start shaking. I fisted it against my clamped mouth, swallowing hard and feeling the blood drain from my face, and I quickly twisted so my back was to them, staring at the ground. I let my hair cover my face until I could get better control of myself, not wanting them to see me weak like this. Antonio cursed again, but quietly this time, threading his hand under my hair to massage the back of my neck, hissing to Elder Merrick, “Dammit, give it back to her.”
“No,” Elder Merrick stated gruffly behind me. “She needed to see what she’s doing to herself, but I won’t fix this for her.” A pause. “I mean, f**k, Lily, why the hell would you not shift?”
I knew the second Antonio figured it out by the way he stiffened next to me. He cleared his throat, same as I was doing, but for a different reason — me to keep the bile down, he probably did it from a hit to his pride for me. “Ah, Lil.” He sighed heavily then kissed my head, and I felt a swarm of Mage calming power surround me. It didn’t feel as good as the Shifter power, feeling more of mystical dreams, but I was able to breathe better and I didn’t feel quite so nauseated. I rolled my neck around on my shoulders and peered up at him. Golden eyes stared at me with worry and understanding and love, no condemnation like I was afraid might be there.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, shaking my head, feeling guilt and…the fear I normally tried to hide.
“Enough of this shit,” Ezra whispered harshly, “She’s ill when she shouldn’t be…and now she’s scared.” I froze, realizing he was scenting my emotions. “What the f**k is going on? Did someone do this to her? Put a spell on her or scare her into not shifting?”
I turned to face him, squaring my shoulders as I pushed back my underlying emotions. I was a bit startled to see he appeared as furious as he had earlier. “No one did this to me but myself.” My brows furrowed as I whispered very softly so no others nearby would hear me. “My wolf…is small.” Clearly no one at the table other than Antonio understood, and I realized I had never shifted in front Elder Merrick, so even he didn’t understand. I inhaled heavily, leaning toward Antonio, where the soothing power was coming from, while I continued speaking barely above a whisper, “As in, my wolf is the size of a…fox.”
I was pretty sure no one at the table moved or breathed except for Antonio, who put an arm around my shoulder, giving me a squeeze. “I don’t want word to get out about my size in shifted form.” I left it at that, and they could take it from there. When I had been challenged back at King Cave, I had been extremely lucky the two who had initiated it hadn’t picked for the challenge to be done in shifted form. My wolf was mean and cunning and wily, but she was still extremely small. If I was ever challenged in shifted form, the odds would honestly be against me. Big time. So I had been keeping my small size under wraps once reality had crashed down on me with an actual challenge, and I let others think I would be easier to take on in my tiny, regular form, rather than the possibility of a ‘brute’ of a wolf.
Ezra blinked and his eyes scanned the tables around us. “I think that’s enough of this particular conversation.”
Elder Merrick’s eyes were huge on his face, but he nodded once. “Definitely.” He cleared his throat and ran a hand over his face, before he pointed at me absently while staring down at his half-eaten burger, whispering quietly, “You still need to shift sometime soon and go for a long run before you become any more ill.” Again he ran a hand over his face. “Fuck, and all that time I should have been training you…” He shook his head, not finishing.