“I mean the military treats its personnel like dogs,” I insisted. “The military treats the personnel’s families like dogs. The personnel start treating their own families like dogs because they’ve been treated like dogs themselves.”
Alec’s brows went down behind his shades. “I would have a college degree, though. I’d be an officer. I’d get a bigger housing allowance, and I wouldn’t live in a trailer park.”
“You would have no choice about what you did for your job,” I promised him, “or where you did it. You wouldn’t have a lot of say in where you lived. You would be a bigger dog.”
Alec backed a step away from me. “You’re awfully down on the military.”
“Because I’ve lived with them!” I said. “That’s what I’m telling you. You have no idea.”
“I do have an idea,” he insisted. “My father was in the military, and my brother.”
We both fell silent. He was hearing what he’d just said, and I was waiting for him to hear it.
“Why did Jake join?” I asked him. “It seems like your dad wouldn’t have wanted him to, honestly.”
“He didn’t want him to,” Alec confirmed. “But Mom didn’t want Jake to go into business with Dad. I think Jake finally joined up because he was so frustrated with both of them telling him what to do and trying to control his every move.”
“He joined the military out of frustration?” I asked, incredulous. “I’ll bet he regretted that.”
Alec shrugged. “He never said he did.”
“Of course he couldn’t admit it,” I said. “Not to your dad. He’d be admitting that your dad had been right all along. From what I’ve seen, that’s not how your family works.”
The whole scenario was making me ill. Jake joining up out of frustration. Regretting it the instant he got sent to Afghanistan. Mr. Hall knowing Jake regretted it, and feeling responsible because he’d driven Jake to that point in the first place. And then, when Jake died, Mr. Hall was in a dark place.
“So, if you’re interested in joining,” I said, “I wouldn’t do it just because you thought your dad wanted you to. I’m sure he didn’t.”
Alec frowned at me. I realized what I was saying was none of my business. I went on anyway, because it was important. More important than making him like me. Actually, I was beginning to realize how closely connected all this was.
“Your brother died three months ago,” I said, “and your dad died two months ago. So recently that you and Grayson and I hold our breath when one of us brings them up. You’re grieving, and you’re not thinking straight. Anything you do because Jake did it or your dad might have wanted it—that’s suspect. You have no perspective. And especially something like this, a decision that will tie up your life for, what? Five or six years after college? The next ten years of your life? You should make that decision with a clear head. There’s absolutely no need to jump into it now. You could wait six months and make the decision then.”
Alec still frowned at me. “You sound like Grayson. Have you two talked about this?”
“No,” I said honestly. I hoped I sounded honest. Really I was beginning to feel guilty. Now I saw exactly why Grayson had wanted me to seduce Alec. I’d been manipulating Alec all week without knowing why. Now I knew.
“Well, listen,” Alec said, a small smile returning to his lips. “I’m going to miss you tonight, but I’m having dinner with my recruiter.”
I blinked. “Your recruiter?” This was serious. “Alec, please think about what I said.”
“I will,” he promised. “But that means I won’t see you tonight. We hadn’t made plans, exactly, but we’ve all been going out together, and I thought you and I…” He took my hand and rubbed my palm with his thumb. “We haven’t said we’re dating exclusively or anything, so I don’t mean to assume too much. I just wanted you to know where I’d be. And I wanted to explain it to you while we’re alone. Grayson’s going to have a fit that I’m seeing my recruiter, like it’s any of his business.”
Oh, it was Grayson’s business all right. He’d made it his business. But all I said was, “Thank you.”
Alec kissed me on the forehead. “And I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” He turned for the Hall Aviation hangar and walked back toward the yellow Piper, while Molly out in the field struggled to pull his banner along the grass and hook it up between the poles.
My last flight of the day was ruined. I loved that rush of takeoff, that sight of the world spread out below me. I hadn’t played a lot of video games in my life, but I was sure threading the needle by pointing an actual plane toward two tiny poles to pick up a banner was more fun than any fake flying scenario ever invented. I loved fighting the engine, throttling down, nearly stalling, and negotiating a peace between the airplane and the sky.
That is, I loved flying when I could think about flying. But when my mind was filled with something else, flying was a chore. And right now my mind raced in circles, taking Alec and Grayson down a whirlpool with it.
I understood now why Grayson had blackmailed me. I believed that he believed what he’d told me last night: fooling Alec was a matter of life and death. That didn’t make it right. Showing Alec that they could make the business work was one thing. Adding me into the mix was evil. Now he was no longer convincing Alec. He was manipulating Alec.
In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I wondered whether Grayson had made up all those dire predictions about my crop-dusting job too. I wouldn’t have put it past him, to make me do what he wanted.
I wondered whether last night at the beach had been just another method to keep me on his side.
This was what I was thinking as I dropped my banner and came around again to land. I should not have been thinking about anything but flying the plane, and Mr. Hall was scolding me in my head, but I couldn’t help it. I analyzed every detail of what Grayson and I had done together on the beach. I’d never felt so good in my life. Was it possible that he had faked everything he felt? I didn’t think so, but I didn’t have a lot to compare him with.
I knew how my boyfriend had acted when we did it at the runway when I was fourteen. He hadn’t been in love with me. I knew how Mark had looked when we made out. I was so confused now about his motivations that I had no idea what to think. How would he have acted when I kicked him out of my trailer if he’d really loved me?