Before, on the boat, she'd had a twinge of guilt about turning Nathanial over to Raum. Now, if the demon were in front of her, she'd thrust Nathanial into Raum's arms without the slightest hesitation. Not to save her family, or because Nathanial had made a bargain, or out of gratitude for what Spade had gone through to get him. No, she'd do it so she'd never have to worry about her body becoming a foreign prison again.
"Denise." Spade's voice, rich and deep. "Open the door."
No way. He'd seen her as an animal. Her new lover had carted her around in a pet carrier, for crying out loud! What the hell was she supposed to say to him after that?
Even now, the memory of being trapped in that tiny container made her break out into a sweat. She'd always hated small, tight spaces. Being shoved into one while knowing she wasn't even human at the time had almost snapped her sanity completely.
She just had to look at Cat and get a bright idea to change into her namesake. Why couldn't she have thought about something else small and harmless? Something human?
Denise's stomach clenched and she burped, the taste of tuna following. That's right, she'd eaten out of a bowl on the floor because just half an hour ago, she'd been an animal. Bile rose in her throat with merciless swiftness. She scrambled to the toilet, making it just in time and retching until her throat burned.
A hard, cracking noise jerked her head up. Spade came into the bathroom, the door handle hanging off its perch. Denise yanked a towel over herself, her shame deepening. First Spade saw her eating from a bowl as an animal, now he saw her crouched naked over a toilet hurling her guts out.
"Please get out," she moaned.
He knelt next to her. "What's wrong? Are you ill?"
An almost hysterical laugh escaped her. "What's wrong? Are you serious?"
Cool hands slid across her arms. Denise flinched back, but the wall behind her prevented her from avoiding his touch.
"Don't," she said sharply.
One glance had shown that Spade was his usual handsome, impeccable self, wearing pressed pants and crisp shirt, his scent a heady, natural cologne. In contrast, here she was, wearing only a towel, sweat-covered, and stinking like tuna vomit.
Denise began to struggle when Spade pulled her into his arms, but it was just as futile as her attempts to get away when she was covered in fur. How could he bear to touch her like this, let alone be in the same room with her? If she could avoid herself, she would.
"You don't need to try to make this better, okay? Just please, Spade, leave me alone."
"This isn't about you," he responded, tightening his arms around her when she would have squirmed away. "I need this. Right now, I need it more than I've ever needed anything, including blood."
She didn't say anything, torn between wanting to believe that and thinking he was lying just to make her feel better. And she did feel better in his arms. Oh, so much better! Like there was hope and reason in her world, instead of just the quicksand deterioration of both her body and her soul.
"You scruffed me."
It came out without thought. Considering everything that had happened, that should have been the last thing on her mind.
Something brushed across her head that felt like his lips. "My apologies, darling."
"How can you call me that?" Denise asked in a whisper. "If there was ever a good cause for breaking up with someone, turning into a four-legged creature is it."
"I'm a vampire. My closest friends are vampires and ghouls, and there's a ghost floating right outside this room. I've dealt with demons, black magic, wraiths, and zombies in the past two years alone, so I'm afraid your shape-shifting isn't going to send me fleeing away in fear."
Denise was silent for a moment. Then, "When you put it like that...you sound like a sicko."
Laughter shook his chest. "I can accept that."
Some of the crushing weight of her self-disgust lifted, but shame still swirled inside her. "Yeah, well, I'm a coward."
Spade eased away until he could look at her, a frown creasing his face. "Why would you say that?"
She wanted to avoid his gaze, but that would be even more proof of her statement, so Denise looked right into his eyes as she spoke.
"Because even though part of me thinks it's murder, I'm going to give Nathanial to Raum. Not just to save my family, but to save my own ass."
"Of course we're giving Nathanial to Raum," Spade replied, waving a hand in dismissal. "You're not offering up an innocent to settle your own debt. That would make you a coward, rather like Nathanial's been, letting his descendants pay for him skipping out on Raum. Don't tell me the sod didn't know others would pay for it, either. You don't renege on a deal with a demon and expect no consequences."
Spade turned her around until she fully faced him, his eyes flashing with green highlights. "And even if you begged me not to, I would still see Nathanial delivered to Raum. You're not a coward, Denise. You actually don't have a choice."
She was too emotionally wired to talk about Nathanial anymore. "I need to shower - and brush my teeth. Ugh, I'm never eating tuna or drinking milk again."
"Fine by me, but you need to eat something else, and soon."
Memory of Nathanial's voice rang in her mind. Stress, pain, fear, hunger, horniness...all those things, if left to build, will trigger the change. Denise thought back to the times her hands had morphed. Nathanial was right; she'd been a combination of hungry, angry, horny, and stressed. Guess being stressed, hungry, then getting stabbed and seeing Spade's reaction to it had blown through whatever defenses the tattoos had given her against Raum's essence.
Well, she certainly never intended to repeat that set of circumstances. A shiver went through Denise, her hand sliding beneath the towel to again feel the reassuring smoothness of her stomach. No fur, no gushing wound. She intended to keep it that way.
Spade drew her to her feet, but didn't leave. Denise cleared her throat, feeling her cheeks warm.
"Ah, could you give me some privacy? I need to use the litter box."
His lips twitched at her bad pun, then he kissed her hand. "I'll go find something for you to wear."
"What happened to the clothes in my suitcase?"
"They're at the bottom of the Mediterranean with the boat."
Oh. She hadn't remembered much of what happened right after leaving the boat, more preoccupied with terror over suddenly being an animal.
Denise gave Spade a wry smile. "Just put the sunken boat on my tab." She might be girlfriend number ten-thousand-and-one to Spade, but so far, she'd probably proved to be the most expensive.