His good hand cupped my butt, his fingers digging in enough to hurt just enough, and his mouth moved over my clit with the perfect amount of pressure. I stopped thinking, stopped picturing this, and just lost myself in his touch. The tightness in my belly grew harsher, focusing on his mouth moving over me.
His tongue, his teeth, his hands…
Everything within me gathered real close before exploding in fragments of pleasure and need. I collapsed with my forehead against the wall, and he kept his tongue pressed against my sensitive clit as I came back down from the high he’d given me. By the time I could gather my thoughts, he moved his tongue, which was featherlight and almost nonexistent on me.
I came again, explosive and hard. Much harder than the first time.
I tore free of his grip when he tried to keep going down on me, and he let me. I slid down his body, kissing him hard. He tasted more like me than him, but I didn’t care. I needed him. Needed this. I positioned his c**k at my entry and lowered myself on him, swallowing his groan with my mouth.
His hand gripped my hip while his broken arm rested on his chest, and he urged me to move faster. I didn’t have any complaints about that. I pumped my hips fast and hard, my breathing growing more and more fevered with each thrust. His fingers dug into my thigh, and a tortured groan came from him as he tensed beneath me.
I closed my eyes and moved even faster. I was so close to coming again. I could feel it. Taste it. Sense it. I pressed my mouth to his and lost myself in the pleasure, the kiss, and him. The orgasm took me by surprise, even though I’d known I was close. But it felt different this time. More whole. As if it was more intense than ever before, and maybe it was.
He froze beneath me, his back curved and his fingers tight on me, and then he collapsed onto the mattress, his breathing unsteady and hard. I melted against his chest, my head on his good shoulder and my hand curled under his neck. “Wow.”
His hand flexed on me. “Yeah,” he rasped.
Something in his voice told me he wasn’t all right. I lifted my head and checked his broken arm. I hadn’t been lying on it or anything. I tried to search the darkness to see his face, but I could only make out vague shapes. I couldn’t see him. “Are you all right? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
He laughed, but it wasn’t his laugh. It was strained. “I’m fine. I’m just tired, that’s all.”
“Oh.” I scooted off him. “You’d tell me if you weren’t all right, right? We promised, no more lies.”
“Honestly? I don’t think you’d want to know whether I was lying right now.” He stood up, removed the condom, and came back to the bed. “You don’t need to know everything that’s in my head. I just need time to adjust.”
That’s exactly what my father had said. That he needed time.
“Okay. Then I’ll give it to you. Just know I’m here to talk, or whatever.”
After a second of hesitation, he lay back down and wrapped his arm around me before kissing my forehead. “I know you are. If I need to talk, I’ll let you know.”
“That’s all I can ask for, minus one thing.”
He stiffened. “What?”
“Don’t lie to me again.” I propped myself on my elbows. “Whatever happens, whatever you go through, just don’t lie to me. I can handle a lot, but not that.”
He nodded slowly, his shadowed face intent on mine. “Okay. No lies. But don’t ask me things I’m not ready for. The stuff that happened over there…”
His voice cracked, but he cleared his throat to hide it. It broke my heart that he was so vulnerable, yet unwilling to show it. “I won’t push,” I promised. “Not yet.”
“I can’t talk about it.” His jaw flexed. “I won’t.”
“Okay.” I scooted up and kissed him. “Want me to stay until you fall asleep?”
He hesitated. “Would it make me less of a man if I said yes? If I admitted I needed you more than I need medicine? You’re the reason I keep going. You’re why I’m still here, instead of in that f**king nightmare I can’t escape.”
My heart... Yep. It totally melted.
“Nope, not at all.” I sat up and pulled the covers over us before settling back down on the pillow. It was weird, in a way, how you went from sitting on a guy’s face to snuggling under the covers and holding each other for support. “It would make you the man I love more than anything.”
His fingers flexed on my hip, and he nodded. “Are you too tired?”
I was freaking exhausted. I’d been sitting up with him almost every night. But if he knew that, he’d send me away. His sleep was more important than mine, so I lied. Ironic, considering I’d just lectured him about not lying to me.
This was different. He needed me here.
“Nope. Wide-awake. I had coffee earlier.” That much was true.
He smiled. I didn’t see it, but I could feel it. “I wish I could manage without sleep like you. I used to be able to…before…”
He broke off. He wasn’t going to finish that thought.
I rested my hand over his heart. “You’ll get there again.”
“I know.” He yawned, loud and long. “It’ll happen soon.”
I smiled and ignored the tears in my eyes. “Get some rest. I’m here with you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“And neither am I,” he whispered sleepily.
Chapter Four - Finn
The next afternoon, I stood at the window, watching the snow fall to the snow-covered lawn, and let myself breathe it in. I’d dozed off on the sofa for a little while after eating my lunch, and I’d woken up sweating and screaming. Not knowing exactly where I was or even if I’d live. Like f**king usual.
Good thing no one had been here to see or hear it. It was bad enough I knew about my weakness—I didn’t need Senator Wallington knowing too. He’d already warned me he wouldn’t stand by and watch me hurt his daughter when he’d visited me in the hospital in Germany. His words may have been cryptic, but they were crystal clear.
I know you love my girl, Griffin. And I know she loves you, too. I get why you fell for her. Who wouldn’t? It doesn’t mean I’m happy about it, though. Or that I’ll accept it. Get well, son. For both of our sakes.
That last part? Yeah, it meant “get better, or get the hell out of her life.” I knew it. He knew it. And I wasn’t getting better. Not yet. Maybe not ever. My good hand tightened on the coffee mug I held. I wanted something stronger. Something to take the pain away. But I resisted, for Carrie.