He was watching him now across the table with one eyebrow raised. “You hate that kind of stuff,” he said finally, and Owen shrugged.
“It would just be nice to have some extra money.”
“Story of our lives, huh?” Dad said with a smile, but when he saw Owen’s expression, his mouth straightened again. “Look, we’re doing okay now, so if you’re worried about college—”
“I’m not,” he said, and for once he meant it. Over the past few weeks, he’d been researching student loans and scholarships, had been making plans without quite admitting to himself that he was doing it. And he’d made his decision. “Actually, I checked,” he said, “and UW has really great financial assistance.”
Dad stared at him. “Does that mean…?”
“Yeah,” Owen said with a grin. “University of Washington.”
“So you’ll be…?”
“Right across town.”
Dad smacked the table, making the plates wobble. “Well, that’s great news,” he said, beaming, but then his smile fell and he leaned forward with a worried expression. “But you’re not just doing it because of me, are you? Because you can go anywhere, you know. I’ll be fine. And I’ll come visit.”
“It’s not for you,” Owen said, picking up his fork. “It’s for your pancakes.”
Dad laughed. “But really.”
“Really,” Owen said, meeting his eye. “I like it here.”
“Me too.” He rubbed at his chin, looking off toward the window. “And I was thinking… between the job and finally selling the house, we’ve got some room to breathe, and now with this, it seems only fitting that you get some sort of graduation present.…”
“Dad…” Owen began, his voice strained, but it didn’t stop him.
“And I know what you did,” he said, his eyes bright. “With your savings. On the trip. And I’m proud of you for that, too. So I’d like to give you a little something for—I don’t know. To have some fun with, I guess, or to get you started, you know?”
Owen lowered his eyes and stabbed at his pancake. “Dad, I can’t.”
“You don’t even know how much it is yet, so you can’t say it’s too much,” he said with a broad smile. “I was thinking that a couple hundred bucks should do it, but then I remembered that these are special circumstances, and for a guy who went 6 and 0 with college applications, I think five hundred would probably be more fitting.”
For a brief moment, Owen actually considered doing it—going through with graduation, just to get the money. He could already imagine walking up Broadway, turning the corner into the lobby of the building, finding Lucy there by the elevators where they’d first met. It was almost worth it, just to see her.
But that wasn’t him. He just wasn’t built that way. And he still couldn’t imagine walking across a stage to receive his diploma without his mother out there in the audience.
Besides, it was no accident that he’d suggested June 7 to Lucy.
June 7 was graduation day.
It took him a long time to meet his father’s gaze. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “Really. But I can’t.…”
Dad tilted his head to one side, clearly confused. The conversation had started with Owen needing money, and now here he was refusing it. “Why not?”
“Because I’m not graduating.” Owen shook his head. “I mean—I am, technically. But I’m not going to the ceremony.”
“Why not?” he asked. “It’s such a big deal.”
“Not to me,” Owen told him. “Not anymore.”
Dad’s eyes went soft behind his glasses as he finally understood. “Ah,” he said, blinking a few times. Outside, the sun emerged from behind the clouds, filling the room with an orangey light, and they sat there as the pancakes went cold on their plates and the clock on the wall—the one from their kitchen back home—marched ahead.
Eventually, Dad shrugged. “Well, who cares about a stupid cap and gown, anyway?”
“Thanks,” Owen said gratefully.
“Besides, she would have hated it,” he said. “All that pomp and ceremony.”
“Circumstance. Pomp and circumstance.”
“Whatever,” he said. “It’s the pomp that’s the real problem.”
Owen laughed. “She would have loved it.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “She would have. But she’d have been proud of you either way. Just like I am.”
To Owen’s surprise, Dad scraped back his chair then and walked over to one of the drawers beneath the toaster. He paused there for a moment, his shoulders rising and falling, before turning around and holding out a pale blue box.
“Sorry it’s not wrapped,” he said. “I was going to wait till graduation, but now…”
Owen reached for it, turning it around to where a plastic window showed a jumble of glow-in-the-dark stars. He stared at it, gripping the edges of the box so hard that the edges bent under his fingers.
“I tried to pry the old ones off the ceiling back home,” Dad said, returning to his seat. “But they were stuck on pretty tight. I guess whoever lives there next is going to fall asleep under them, too.”
There was a lump in Owen’s throat. “That’s kind of cool.”
“Anyway, I’m sure no self-respecting astronomy major goes to sleep under fake stars,” Dad said, gesturing at the box, “but you can always put them up here, for whenever you come home.”
“Thank you,” he said, the words a little wobbly. “I love them.”
They were both quiet for a moment, lost in their own separate memories, but then Owen remembered where this had all started, and he cleared his throat.
“Dad?”
His father looked up. “Yeah?”
“This is great,” he said, rattling the box. “Really. And I don’t want to sound greedy, but the thing is… I could still use that money. Or at least some of it.”
“For what?” he asked with a frown, and Owen coughed into his hand.
“It’s just…”
“What?”
He sighed. “There’s this girl.…”
To his astonishment, Dad began to laugh. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, his shoulders shaking.
“What?” Owen asked, confused. “What’s so funny?”