He drove her into the mattress, his body heavy on hers, his sweat dripping onto her skin. Rain streamed against the windows, and a boom of thunder swallowed Beth’s sudden cry of ecstasy.
Ian shouted, not waiting for thunder. Lightning flared, bathing the room in white. The light outlined lan’s body, his sharp-lined face, burning his hair red. In that moment, Ian opened his eyes, like twin suns coming into view, and let his gaze directly meet Beth’s.
Chapter Twelve
Beth stopped breathing. For the first time since she’d met him, Ian’s gaze fully connected with hers. His eyes were golden, as she’d known, but she’d not known that his black pupils were ringed with green. His body slowed as he studied her, as though looking at her arrested all his attention. He didn’t blink, didn’t move, just let his gaze rest on hers.
She touched his face in wonder. “Ian.”
Ian started and turned his head, and when he looked back, his eyes drifted sideways, not meeting hers. Beth’s heart wrenched. “No, please don’t look away.”
Ian closed his eyes and bent to kiss her.
“Why won’t you look at me?” she asked. “What’s wrong with me?”
He opened his eyes again, but his gaze didn’t meet hers.
“Nothing. You are perfect.”
“Then why?”
“I can’t explain. Don’t ask me to explain.” “I’m sorry,” she whispered. She stroked his hair as tears leaked from her eyes.
“Don’t cry.” He kissed her wet cheek. “This is the time for joy.”
“I know.”
He was still inside her, thick and hard, spreading her marvelously.
Don’t hunger for what you can’t have, she admonished herself. Take pleasure in what you can. Such thoughts had got her through the worst days.
She wanted all of Ian, body and soul, when she knew she couldn’t have that. He was giving her what he could: bodily pleasure and momentary joy. She’d asked him to have a purely carnal affair with her. If she hurt because she couldn’t have more, it was her own fault.
“Ian, you are so bad for me,” she said.
He gave her a half smile. “I’m the Mad Mackenzie.” Beth pressed his face between her hands, anger suddenly rising. “That is other people’s explanation, because they don’t understand you.”
He looked away. “You always try to be kind to me.”
“It isn’t kind. It’s the truth.”
“Shh.” Ian kissed her. “Too many words.” Beth agreed. Ian kissed her again, occupying her mouth with something much more satisfying.
He began to move inside her again. Ian’s body was hot and tense, the noises he made exciting her beyond what she thought she could feel.
This is bliss, her mind whispered as he took her to cresting waves of pleasure. She came beneath his body, twisting and arching against his hips. She moved and moaned until the black waves subsided, and Ian crashed down against her, their bodies melding into one line of heat.
Thunder cracked right overhead, and Beth jumped awake. Ian lay beside her, propped on one elbow, watching her sleep.
“Hello,” she murmured.
Ian gave her a slow smile. She couldn’t tell if he’d slept or not, but he didn’t look tired at all.
“I thought the storm would be over by now,” she said.
“What time is it?”
“I don’t know. Early morning.”
Beth grimaced. “Isabella will be worried.”
“She knows I will take care of you.”
“And she might be with Mac.” Beth grinned at him.
“Maybe he’s gone home with her.”
Ian’s look told her he didn’t agree. “Tonight was the first time he’d spoken to her in three years.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?”
“He was very angry when I told him she wanted to go to the casino. I don’t think their reunion will be pleasing.” “You’re a pessimist, Ian. Isabella has been such a dear friend to me, and I want to see her happy again.” “She chose to leave Mac,” Ian pointed out.
“I know. But she regrets it.”
Ian’s body was like a warm wall, his touch amazingly gentle. “When they were married they were either wildly happy or fighting tooth and nail. No in-between.” “I suppose such drama would be tiring.”
Beth could imagine herself deliriously happy with Ian, so happy she couldn’t bear it. She also saw that she could be completely miserable. Her heart had certainly never flip-flopped so much in her life as after she’d met Ian Mackenzie. Ian stroked her hair, and she closed her eyes. How lovely to stay here for always in this bubble of contentment, floating away in quiet happiness.
“I should go home.” She hadn’t meant for her voice to sound so sad.
“Curry will have to fetch more clothes for you before you can leave. Yours are ruined.”
“Does Curry even know where we are?”
“No.”
Then no one knew, Beth thought. She and Ian were utterly alone. Her heart squeezed with joy.
“He’ll worry, won’t he?” she murmured.
“He’s used to me disappearing. I always turn up again. He knows that.”
Beth studied him. “Why do you disappear?”
“Sometimes it gets too much for me. Trying to follow what people say, trying to remember what I’m supposed to do so people will think I’m normal. Sometimes the rules are too hard. So I go.”
Beth traced his muscular arm with her fingernail. “Where do you go?”
“Most times to the wilds around Kilmorgan. It’s a vast place, and I can lose myself for a long time. You’ll like it there.”
She ignored this. “What about other times?”
“Courtesans’ houses. As long as I pay, they leave me be. I don’t have to think of conversation there.”
Beth had grown used to Ian’s bluntness, but that didn’t mean she wanted to hear about his being with other women. She imagined that courtesans were happy to give Ian sanctuary whenever he wanted it. He was rich, had the body of a god, and possessed devastating charm, especially when he smiled. Even his sideways look gave him a roguish quality. If she were a courtesan, she’d give Ian a special rate.
“Anywhere else?”
“Sometimes I take a train to a place I’ve never been or hire a horse and ride into the countryside. To find somewhere I can be alone.”