"No." Audrey pulled out a large brown bottle. "But he loves beer. Especially AleSmith Speedway Stout. I keep a bottle for him. Just in case."
Kaldar squinted at the dark champagne-sized bottle filled with jet-black liquid. "Why is it black?"
"I don't know. Maybe because they put coffee in it." Audrey went to the door. "I won't be long."
"Nice try." Kaldar rose. "I'm coming with you."
"Gnome doesn't trust outsiders."
"What do you want to bet that I'll get him to talk?"
She narrowed her eyes. "You like betting a lot, don't you?"
Careful. "Even a perfect angel like me has to have some vices."
"Angel? Please." Audrey looked at George. "George, could you get a can of Pepsi out of the fridge for me?"
George extracted a can.
"Throw it."
The boy tossed it at her. Audrey caught it and shook it up. The can landed in front of Kaldar on the table. Audrey waved her beer bottle. "I bet you this stout you can't open it without foam spilling all over."
"I don't have to bet." Kaldar tapped the can and opened it. Foam rose and fell back down. "See?"
She gave him a suspicious look. "Mhhm."
Kaldar crossed the room and held the door open. "I can take that bottle."
She thrust the stout at him. "Why thank you, sir." Boom, a thousand-watt smile. She couldn't possibly be trying to con him - all the cards were already on the table. It must've been force of habit.
He raised his hand, shielding his eyes. "Smile . . . too . . . bright . . ."
"You're going to be a pain to work with, aren't you?"
"Oh, I don't know. I might grow on you."
She furrowed her pretty eyebrows. "Like a cancer?"
"Like a favorite vice."
"Don't count on it."
Audrey swept outside, and he nodded at the two boys. "On the double."
The two boys exited. A moment later, Ling the raccoon darted out and shot across the porch to Audrey's feet. Kaldar pulled the door shut, and they were off.
KALDAR climbed up a steep forest trail. Around him, the ancient forest shimmered with vibrant green. Giant spruces spread their branches. Emerald moss, sparkling with a dusting of tiny brilliant red flowers, sheathed gray boulders. Strange flowers, yellow, large, and shaped like three bells growing one within another, bordered the path. A weak haze hung above the forest floor, present even in the middle of the day. The whole place seemed ethereal, otherworldy, like a glimpse of some fairy kingdom in the fog.
Kaldar hid a grimace. He knew the Mire. He understood it - the ever-changing labyrinth of mud and water, the herbs, the flowers, the animals. This forest was different, sprawling atop rugged mountains that cut through the soil like the planet's bare bones.
Audrey kept moving with practiced quickness, stepping over roots protruding over the trail and pushing ferns and branches out of her way. She kept a brisk pace, but Kaldar didn't mind. From his vantage point, he had an excellent view of her shapely butt. It was a butt that deserved some scrutiny.
"If you're waiting for my behind to do a trick, you're out of luck," Audrey called over her shoulder.
"How the hell did you even know?" Did she have eyes on the back of her head?
"Woman's intuition," she told him.
"Aha, so it wouldn't be the fact that I stumbled twice in the last minute?"
"Not at all."
George cracked a smile. To the left, Jack laughed. The boy moved through the woods like a fish through water, climbing over boulders and fallen tree trunks with unnatural ease. The raccoon raced after him, sometimes ahead, sometimes behind.
"Does she always follow you around?"
"Ling the Merciless? Yes. I found her bleeding by my porch. She was so tiny then, she fit into a tissue box." Audrey glanced at the raccoon. "She follows me around now, and sometimes she brings me dead bugs because I'm a bad hunter, and she tries to feed me. If I hide, she'll find me."
"Always?"
"Always."
As the path turned, the trees parted, revealing a long, wooded slope dropping far down. They were on the side of the mountain.
"They're prone to rabies, you know," Kaldar said. "And this one is out in the daylight all the time, too. That's not typical. Are you sure she isn't rabid?"
"This one has been taken to the vet to get shots."
"They can carry rabies for months before it ever manifests."
"Kaldar, leave my raccoon alone, or I will push you off this mountain and laugh while you try to grow wings." Audrey turned away and kept walking.
"How much farther?" Kaldar asked.
"Are you tuckered out already?"
"I bet I could beat you there."
"No."
"You're sure?" Kaldar grinned.
"No more bets."
"As you wish."
Audrey pointed up and left, where a cliff thrust out, bristling with ancient trees. "He lives around there. Another fifteen minutes, and you can rest your delicate footsies."
He let the footsies comment pass. "Why do they call him Gnome, anyway?"
"Because of his size, of course," Audrey said.
Fifteen minutes later, they emerged into a narrow clearing. A huge structure stood at the far end: a two-story ruin built of the same gray stone as the framework of Audrey's house. A collection of columns stretched out to the sky, each carved with some sort of battle scene, forming a precise rectangle, with two smaller squares at each end. A wooden house had been built within the stone skeleton, in some places inside it, in some places hanging over it, its walls and rooms protruding under odd angles. Windows of all shapes and sizes punctuated the wooden walls at random, as if some toddler had mixed several construction sets and thrown together a structure with his eyes closed. Moss and flowering vines climbed over the timbers, and some sort of small furry beast, with charcoal fur and a long tail with a puff on the end, scurried up the vines to the roof.
"Come on." Audrey headed toward the house.
"Anything I need to know about this Gnome?" Kaldar asked.
"He doesn't like outsiders much. Let me do the talking, and we'll be fine."
They approached the building. "Hey, Gnome! Gnooome!" Audrey turned to the boys. "Okay, kids, make some noise. He's hard of hearing sometimes. Gnoome!"
"Hello!" George yelled. "Hi!"
"Open the door!" Jack roared.
Kaldar put two fingers into his mouth. A piercing whistle rang through the forest. Jack stuck his finger into his ear and shook a bit.