“I’m kind of enjoying limbo.”
She toasted me with her bottle. “Nice that it took almost being killed to force you to slow down.”
I shrugged. “Whatever works.”
She toyed with the label of her beer. “I got some news.”
I leaned forward, glad to talk about something other than my issues for a change. “Spill it, sister.”
“Detective Duffy called last night. They formally charged that mom with supplying illegal potions to a minor.”
“That’s fantastic, Pen!”
She nodded. “They need me to testify in court, but Duffy thinks it’s a slam dunk.”
“I’m glad.”
“Sometimes we do win, Kate.”
I nodded and smiled. “Sometimes.” I wasn’t sure whether I considered the fight with Bane a full victory, though. I didn’t trust the system enough to believe he’d receive the punishment he deserved. And even if he got the life sentence he’d earned, there was no guarantee that he’d survive long inside once Uncle Abe realized how badly he’d botched up the plan. Although, frankly, I wouldn’t put it past Abe to torture Bane for a few years before he finally did him in.
And then there was the whole issue that my deal with Volos meant Uncle Abe would escape any sort of legal punishment for his role in the whole fiasco. I assumed Volos had some plan to make the old man pay for what he did, but I hadn’t worked up the energy to talk to him to find out.
“Have you made any decisions about what you’re going to do?” Pen asked quietly.
I sighed and shook my head. “You mean once Eldritch calls to tell me I’m off the task force?”
“If he does,” she corrected.
“He will,” I said. She hadn’t seen the conviction in his eyes when he’d kicked Morales and me out of the station. “Shit, I don’t know, Pen. I can’t go back to patrol. That much is sure.” I played with the beer cap. “But what the hell else am I qualified to do?”
She smiled. “Lots of things.”
I tilted my head and shot her a don’t-blow-sunshine-up-my-ass glare. “Get real, Pen. I’ve had two jobs in my life besides cop: potion cooker and waitress. I quit the first one and got fired from the other. Not exactly a sparkling résumé.”
“You could go back to school.”
I snorted. “With what money?”
She sighed like she’d lost her patience. “Guess you should just give up then.”
I grimaced at her. “That’s helpful.”
“Look, you know as well as I do you could do just about anything you set your mind to. But you ask me, you haven’t made other plans because you don’t want to be anything but a cop.”
Was that true? I wasn’t sure anymore. I knew I used to want to be one. I’d loved it while it lasted. But the job came at too high a cost. “Sure,” I said, my voice dripping in sarcasm, “I’d love to keep getting shot and having psychopaths go after Danny.”
She didn’t say anything, but I could tell by her look she was just letting me vent my spleen.
“Besides, maybe it’s time to grow up and settle down. Get a nice, safe job behind a desk. One that doesn’t require me to carry a gun. Like, I don’t know, a secretary or something.”
She looked up quickly. I thought she was about to say something insightful. But then the first giggle escaped.
I crossed my arms and leaned back to glare at her. “Shut up.”
The laughter increased until tears formed in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she gasped through the giggles. “But that’s the funniest thing you’ve ever said. You’d be a terrible secretary.”
I flipped her the bird and chugged the rest of my beer. “I’m serious, Pen. I’m tired of the bullshit politics.” I pointed toward the phone. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to tell those fucking reporters that Mike Hanson was a hero?”
Even though I’d told Eldritch and Gardner the truth about Hanson’s involvement, they had decided it was best not to muddy the waters by making his betrayal public. Therefore, the media had been told he’d died helping me take down Bane. Since the shoot-out at the brewery, I’d received several phone calls from reporters, and every time I uttered the word “hero” in the same sentence as Hanson’s name it tasted like a shit sandwich. But Babylon was already healing from too many wounds for me to make it worse by telling the truth. Plus, I was already lying about so many things I figured one more couldn’t damn me any more than I already was.
“So Hanson gets a hero’s funeral and I can’t even get anyone to tell me if I have a fucking job?”
She set down her beer. “I know. Trust me. But maybe you should wait to hear from Eldritch and Gardner before you decide to move to the suburbs and spend your days filing and getting coffee for some mid-level manager.”
I chewed on my lip and watched the clock tick. Every minute that passed without a phone call felt like a year.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Two days later, I stood outside the police station, looking up at the seal of the city of Babylon. The sun sparkled off the symbol of a large gate guarded by a roaring lion. For some reason, it called to mind the day I’d earned the badge that bore the same insignia.
Back then, I was a starry-eyed recruit, fueled by a craving for justice and the conviction that I was finally one of the good guys. That I could make a real difference. I imagined myself as that lion, guarding the innocent from the bad guys.
But now, less than five years later, I stood in front of the building where I graduated waiting to hear if I still had a job. The stars had dimmed and the conviction was wavering. I didn’t feel like a lion anymore so much as a kicked dog. The only thing that hadn’t changed since that day was the desire for justice.
But that had to count for something, right?
I sucked in a deep breath, stuck my shoulders back, and marched through the doors to hear the verdict on my future. My bravado lasted only as long as it took me to cross the threshold.
Every officer I passed wore a black ribbon across their badge. To them it was a way to honor their fallen comrade, Mike Hanson. To me, it was a reminder of a system that favored politics over truth.
Eldritch greeted me near the sergeant’s desk. He made a big presentation of giving me a hug. “Welcome!” he said in a forced tone that made me want to turn around and leave. But before I could, he urged me toward his office while smiling for the troops and claiming I was the woman of the hour.