All the blood leaked from Danny’s face. “What do you mean?”
I reached for his hand, but he jerked away. “It was supposed to be my big break. It’s a big deal for a potion-cooker to get their own recipe chosen for the streets. I-I wanted to prove myself to Uncle Abe, and I got cocky. Told him it was solid even though I hadn’t tested it.”
Danny stared at me as if I were a stranger.
“Anyway.” I swallowed the hard lump of shame in my throat. “Abe tried to tell me it was just part of the game. Happened to everyone at some point.” I shook my head, remembering the smile on his face as he told me how many of his potions had killed people when he was starting out. That conversation had been the first time Abe ever really scared me. He’d acted as though killing my own mother was just a cost of doing business. It wasn’t too much of a stretch to imagine his writing my life off just as easily. “I knew then that I had to get us away from that life. So the day of Mom’s funeral, I told Abe I was out.”
“What did he do?”
“He tried to get me to stay, of course. We fought for hours, but eventually he gave me his blessing. I told him even if he made me stay I’d never cook again.”
“I don’t get it.”
I smiled sadly. “In the end, after all those years of telling me I was his heir and building me up, it turns out all he wanted from me was my magic. Without that, I was useless to him.”
Luckily Danny had been too young at the time to show any signs of potential with magic, otherwise Abe would have fought tooth and nail to make me leave the kid behind. But the fear that Abe would change his mind one day and try to woo Danny into being his new protégé kept me up at night. I would stop at nothing to ensure he never got his dirty magic or his malignant influence anywhere near my baby brother.
Danny said nothing, just watched me with those wary eyes.
“So that’s it. The big dirty secret.” I blew out a shaky breath. “Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”
Silence hung over us like a funeral shroud. I’d been afraid a lot of times in my life, but waiting for my little brother to hand down his verdict was definitely in the top three.
He took a sip of his shake, watching me over the straw. Finally, he licked the residue from his lips and leaned forward. “So let me get this straight. Our mom was a junkie who killed herself using illegal magic.”
My mouth fell open. “No, Danny, it wasn’t like that. She used that potion because she knew I’d made it.”
“How do you know that? Were you there?”
I shook my head and admitted that no, I wasn’t. “But Mom wasn’t an addict, Danny.”
“Whatever.” He crossed his arms and slouched down. “I say it’s pretty unfair that because of your mistakes I can’t learn about any magic at all.”
I paused and spoke slowly because he wasn’t getting it. “It’s illegal and dangerous. Of course I don’t want you to mess with it.”
He leaned back with arms crossed. “Not all magic is illegal.”
“No, but it’s all dangerous.”
“The government doesn’t think so.”
I snorted. “Yeah, at one point they also said slavery was moral and smoking was safe.”
He shrugged to dismiss my argument. “Look, I know you feel guilty. But you shouldn’t. You didn’t force Mom to try that potion.”
I leaned back and shook my head at him. I’d been expecting recriminations for my sins, not exoneration I didn’t deserve. “Must be nice.”
“What?”
“For everything to be so simple. To have an answer for everything. I used to be that way, too. Right before Mom died.”
“Look, you want to beat yourself up for that, it’s your business. But it’s not fair for me to suffer for your mistakes.”
I got it then. He didn’t give a shit about Mom’s death. Asking about it had been a lead-up to lobbying for magic training. My stinging guilt morphed into something sharper. I threw my hands up. “What do you want from me?”
Several patrons turned to gape.
He leaned forward, his jaw set in that stubborn Prospero line. “I want you to teach me magic.”
“Absolutely not.”
His eyes sparked with challenge, the kind spurred by the thrill of rebellion. “Fine. I’ll just find someone who will then.”
I slapped my hands on the table. “I forbid you!”
“You can’t do that! You’re not my mom!” He jumped out of his seat, knocking over the shake as he went. My shock nailed me to my seat just long enough for him to bolt for the door. In the next instant, I sprang from the booth to follow.
“Miss! Your bill!” The waitress grabbed my sleeve just as I reached the door.
Cursing, I pulled my wallet out of my pocket and shoved a couple of twenties in her hand. I swiveled and ran out the door just in time to see my brother standing on the corner, looking around as if he were lost.
“Danny!”
He flipped me the bird.
Gritting my teeth, I stiff-legged it over. As I moved, I was very aware of the eyes tracking us. Of the judgmental gazes of the women who already condemned me as a bad mother. Of the men who thought I should take Danny in hand. What the hell did they know about our problems?
When I finally reached Danny, I grabbed his arm. “What the hell, Danny?”
Every cell in my body yearned to read him the riot act right there on the corner. Maybe drag him down to the precinct so he could see what magic did to people. Perhaps ground him for the rest of his life so he’d never have a chance to make good on his threat to seek magic training from someone else. Luckily, my conscience kicked in. It was the kid’s birthday, for Christ sakes. I blew out a long breath. “Look, I’m sorry you don’t like my rules, but I know more about the dangers than you do. I’ll answer questions and I’ll talk to you more about Mom if you want, but I cannot condone you learning how to cook.”
He set his jaw in a mulish line. “I have to get back to school.”
I deflated. What? Had I hoped he’d see reason and tell me it was okay? I gritted my teeth because I knew this battle would have to be fought another day. “Let’s go.”
Chapter Nineteen
A few hours later, the sun was a glare in the rearview and Morales and I were looking for a man named PeeWee. According to the dispatch for the limo company he worked for, Marvin’s friend had failed to show up for work the last two days. We wanted to find him and ask him if he’d seen or spoken to Marvin after we’d left him in that alley so we could begin piecing together a time line for the murder. But it was looking more and more as if PeeWee didn’t want to be found.