“No!” I yelp again, and I grab at his trousers. The old panic returns, and I don’t care that I’m clinging to the front of his pants and my mouth is pretty much level with his crotch. I look up at him, pleading. “Don’t leave. I don’t want to be left. I don’t need new clothes. These are fine.” Shit. I’m babbling, but I can’t help myself. “Give me a pair of pants and I’ll be fine. I promise.”
He stares down at me for a long moment, and then scrubs a hand over his face and nods. “Okay. You can borrow some of my stuff and we’ll go in the morning. Together.”
Relief courses through me. “Yes. That sounds good. Thank you.”
Even though I protest, Daniel won’t let me help him clean up in the kitchen. Instead, he gets me another plate of food and another glass of milk, and makes me sit on the sofa and eat every bite while he sweeps up glass and mops the floor. He chats the entire time, too. It’s clear Daniel doesn’t like silence much. He talks about the weather, and how different food is here in Brazil, and the upcoming World Cup. They’re harmless, simple topics—like a conversation you might have with a cab driver. I listen but don’t offer additional commentary. I haven’t seen most of Brazil, after all. I’ve been chained in a whorehouse.
But I like to hear talking other than “open your mouth, slut,” so I appreciate it. His normal conversation makes me feel a little more normal, too.
When I yawn and curl up on the end of the sofa, all food eaten, he pauses and comes to my side. “Come on. Time for bed.”
I stiffen but get to my feet. Here it is. Here’s where I have to pay to earn my keep. “I’m ready.”
We head to the bedroom, and the pasta I ate feels like lead in my stomach. I can do this. I can.
Daniel moves ahead of me and pulls down the blankets on one side of the bed. “The windows are nailed shut, so I wouldn’t recommend escaping through them. Plus, this neighborhood is kind of shit. Again, wouldn’t recommend escape.”
He offers me a pillow and I clutch it to my chest, waiting. Is this for my knees? So I don’t get more bruises while I service him? “All right.”
Then he walks past me, back to the door of the bedroom. “I’ll be in the living room. If you get scared or need anything, you shout. Okay?”
And then he closes the door.
He doesn’t want sex with me after all. At least, not tonight. He’s giving me this bedroom. I’m shocked . . . and then my mind starts racing. I can push the bed against the door and barricade myself in. Or there’s a heavy, scratched-up bureau against one wall that I could use to barricade the door if the bed is too bulky. I can wall myself into this room and be completely, utterly safe.
But . . . what if he tries to go out again?
What if he leaves me?
The familiar panic surges, and I’m close to throwing up the food I’ve eaten. I yank the door back open and run into the living room, startling him. He’d sat back down to work on cleaning his guns but stands up.
“What’s wrong?”
I can’t explain the sheer relief I feel at the sight of him. I wring my hands and try to think of a probable excuse as to why I don’t want him in the bedroom with me . . . but I don’t want him out of my sight, either. “I . . . um, I’m scared.”
“Of the dark?” he teases, all smiles again. “You want a nightlight?”
“Very funny, asshole,” I say, but I’m cracking a faint smile myself. I glance over at the couch. “Can I . . . um, can I sleep here?” I point at it.
Now he looks confused. “You want me to sleep in the bed and you on the couch?”
“No,” I yelp out quickly, thinking. If he’s in the bed, he’s in the other room. “I . . . uh, I want to be in the same room as you. Not the bedroom,” I add, “ . . . here. Where it’s safe.”
Where I can see you.
He digests this and then nods. “Sure. Get your blanket. I’m going to be up for a while anyhow.”
I race back to his room, snatch the blanket out of the bed so I don’t have to spend longer than a moment with him out of sight, and then wrap it around me, heading back to the living room. Daniel watches me as I return, his face impassive, but soon returns to cleaning his guns.
I relax a bit more now. We’re not in the bedroom, and as I lay down on the couch, I face the table so I can watch him work. So I can keep an eye on him. I pull the blanket tight around me and curl up. It’s soft. It’s the softest thing I’ve felt since I was taken, and I immediately feel like weeping again at the small luxury.
Tomorrow I will figure out some way to make Daniel keep me at his side. I can’t go to the embassy. I can’t chance it. I’ll have to figure out some other way to get home.
I watch Daniel work until I fall asleep, exhausted.
Six
Daniel
SHE LOOKS FRAGILE. FOR THE first time since I’ve taken her out of the whorehouse, she looks like I can break her. I prefer the feisty, sarcastic girl. This teary-eyed victim scares the hell out of me. None of my past dealings have prepared me for her. What the hell were you going to do with your sister? a little voice mocks. I had hoped to find my sister, take her home, and let the land, the horses, and our mom heal her. But as I look at Regan’s sleeping form, tense and protective when most people are completely lax, I realize what a dumbass idea that was. It’s going to take more than sitting on the porch and drinking sweet tea for a few weeks to recover, and Regan is only a few hours out of her imprisonment and torture. Even trained soldiers need time to recover, and Regan didn’t have any training. When I was part of Special Ops we all went through training on surviving capture and torture, which basically meant being captured and tortured.
A group of older soldiers would kidnap you and take you to a solitary cell. They’d place a wet towel on your face and leave you there. At first, you feel like the towel is nothing. You can survive a towel. But an hour or so of being immobilized, sucking in the wet fabric with every breath and then having more water poured over your mouth and nose and into your ears while you vomit into your mouth and then swallow it back—all the while choking on the fabric, puke and water—is hell. Then when you are about to pass out or you think you’ll die, the towel is ripped away and you’re stuck in room where fluorescent lights flicker off and on while random noises are piped in, sometimes for what seems for hours at a time and others randomly. After that you listen to your friends call out from the next room while they seem to be tortured or raped and they are calling out your name, begging you to help them, save them, rescue them. But you can’t do anything.