"No, Logan is not in the academy prison," Metis said. "Everything you said is true. We all know it, and Logan does too, but that still doesn't make it any easier on him."
"What are you saying?" I asked. "What aren't you telling me?"
Metis and Nickamedes looked at each other a third time, before the librarian turned his sad gaze to my frantic one.
"We're saying that Logan is gone, Gwendolyn," Nickamedes said in a gentle voice. "He's left Mythos Academy-for good."
I was just-numb. Not angry, not upset, just-numb.
Of all the things that could have happened, of all the reasons why Logan wasn't here, I never expected this. He'd left? Why? Why would he do that? I just didn't understand why.
My mouth fell open, but no words came out. I tried and tried, but I just couldn't get the words out. Nickamedes pulled a small white envelope out of his pants pocket. I could see the pain and pity in his eyes-his icy eyes that were so much like Logan's.
"Here," he said in that same gentle voice. "Maybe this will help explain things. I'm sorry, Gwendolyn. Truly, I am."
Nickamedes put the letter on the edge of the bed and left my room. Metis squeezed my shoulder before she followed him and closed the door behind her. I sat there for a long, long time, still and frozen, just staring at the envelope as though it were a Maat asp, ready to bite me if I moved an inch. Nyx slept on the bed beside me, her paws twitching in her sleep, but for once the wolf pup's presence didn't comfort me. Neither did Vic's dreamy mumbles about killing Reapers.
Logan had left? What did that mean? Had his dad made him go somewhere for some reason? And why wouldn't the Spartan tell me himself what was going on? Why wouldn't he at least come and say good-bye?
Finally, with cold, trembling hands, I grabbed the envelope and pulled out the letter inside. I drew in a breath, opened up the sheet of paper, and started to read.
Dear Gypsy girl,
I'm so, so sorry for what happened-for what I did to you. I never wanted to hurt you, and I never thought in a million years that I would. Now, I understand how you felt when you killed Preston with your magic, how shocked and horrified you were by that. How afraid you were that you would do it again to one of us-to me.
You did what you had to do in order to survive-but I don't have that excuse.
I stabbed you because I was under a Reaper spell, but I still can't believe I did that to you. And the worst part was that I knew it was you. I could see you clearly the whole time. I could hear you pleading with me, begging me to stop. And I wanted to-I wanted to stop so much. I tried to fight against the horrible thing inside me, against the magic they'd infected me with, but I wasn't strong enough.
Before, I wasn't strong enough to save my mom and sister. This time, I wasn't strong enough to stop myself from hurting you.
That's why I have to go. Metis and Nickamedes say that I'm fine, that Loki and the Reapers don't have a hold on me anymore, but I can't risk it.
I can't risk hurting you again.
So I'm leaving Mythos and going somewhere far, far away. I hope you can forgive me someday. Please don't try to find me.
Love,
Logan
The words hurt, but they weren't the worst part. Because as soon as I touched the letter, my psychometry kicked in, and I felt everything that Logan had when he'd written it-all his fear and anger and shame and hatred of himself.
With every word he wrote, the Spartan kept replaying the fight over and over again in his mind. Everything I'd said to him, all the times he'd attacked me, and finally, him stabbing me. Again and again, he remembered shoving that sword into my chest, and I felt everything that he had during the battle.
How he'd wanted to stop fighting me. How hard he'd tried and tried to drop his sword or even turn it on himself-even though the thing inside him had hurt him because of it.
Loki.
Through Logan's memories, I saw what the Spartan had-this pair of eyes, one a beautiful blue and the other an ugly, Reaper red. Those eyes had peered into every corner of him, slowly invading his body, his mind, his heart.
Somehow, through their connection, the evil god had hurt Logan, tortured him from the inside out. The pain had been more than Logan could bear-more than anyone could bear. Just the memory of it made me want to weep. Loki had taken control, and Logan hadn't been able to keep himself from stabbing me, even though he'd been silently screaming at himself and the evil god to stop the whole time.
But most of all, I felt Logan's deepest, darkest fear-that he might still be connected to Loki. That the evil god might reach out and take control of him at any moment.
That Loki might make him hurt me again.
"Oh Spartan," I whispered in the dark. "Don't you know that I already forgave you-for everything?"
But my whispered words didn't bring Logan back to me-and I didn't know if anything ever would.
I curled into a ball on the bed right next to the still-sleeping Nyx, tears streaming down my face and spattering onto Logan's letter, slowly smearing the words. I clutched the paper to my chest like a shield, as if it would somehow protect me, even though my heart was shattering into smaller and smaller pieces all the while.
Chapter 31
A broken heart wasn't a mortal wound, at least not in the eyes of the Powers That Were, and the next afternoon, I was back at Mythos Academy.
And once again, I was standing in the amphitheater in front of all the other students, professors, and staff members. Only this time, they were hearing the truth about me, Vivian, and everything else.
". . . and so the Protectorate has dropped all charges against Miss Frost," Linus said. "We want to offer our deepest apologies to her and commend her on her bravery during the incident at Aoide Auditorium. Miss Frost, along with Mister Sokolov and Miss McDougall, saved not only their fellow students, but staff members and professors, as well as myself and several other members of the Protectorate . . ."
I looked to my right at Morgan and Alexei, who were also standing on the amphitheater stage. Morgan winked at me, while Alexei just nodded.
". . . and so we all owe them a debt of gratitude," Linus finally finished.
For a moment, everyone was silent. A few of the students started clapping politely, but Daphne decided to take matters into her own hands. The Valkyrie got to her feet, put her fingers in her mouth, and let out a sharp whistle.
"Yeah, Gwen!" the Valkyrie whooped. "Whoo!"
After that, the applause got a little louder and more enthusiastic, mainly because Daphne turned around and glared at all the kids around her. Still, more than a few folks didn't bother to clap, like Helena Paxton. She was about halfway up the amphitheater steps, but I could still see her rolling her eyes and whispering to her mean-girl friends. No doubt the Amazon was upset that she wasn't going to get another chance to kick my ass like she'd wanted to in the dining hall.