She doesn’t answer, passing out in my arms, leaving me clueless as hell. Why would she think I’d leave her? And what could have possibly set her off this bad today? Could the two possibly go together?
God, what if I’m the reason she’s breaking apart?
Chapter 8
Violet
When I open my eyes again I’m tucked in my bed, the sunlight sparkling through the window, which means that I must have slept through at least a day. I’m wearing one of Luke’s t-shirts, the scent of him overwhelming my nostrils in the best way possible and for a moment, everything is okay. But then I take in the rest of myself; tangled hair that smells like dirty water and my entire body that feels like I’ve gone through the ringer with a champion boxer. At first I can’t remember how I got here, but then slowly, bits and pieces come rushing back to me. The call from Detective Stephner … what happened … what he needs me to do … how I reacted to it all …
I lift my wrist up and examine the spot where I started to cut my wrist with a shitty pocketknife I’ve had for a while, but I ended up backing out. Then I touch the side of my head where I hit the rock in the river. I can’t even remember how I got out of the rapids. I think the person swimming toward me pulled me out … Then a bunch of people showed up and there were sirens there to take me to hospital. I lied through my teeth to the nurse about what happened; that I was standing on the edge trying to take a picture of a nearby bridge when I fell in. I think because I don’t have insurance or anything it was easier for them to let me leave without questioning too much what happened. Plus, I can be a damn good liar when I need to.
After the hospital, I walked. And walked. And walked. So confused about life and what I wanted from it, because clearly I wanted something, otherwise I’d have let myself drown and join my parents in the ground. But I couldn’t figure it out, just kept thinking of Luke. Then I found the diner. And Greyson … And then Luke was there in person, seeing me like that …
‘Shit. Luke.’ I blow out an exhausted breath as my emotions, the ones I was trying to get rid of, come rushing back to me, along with everything else. I pick up my phone from the nightstand and check the date – yep I’ve been out for a day. ‘Fuck.’ I rub my hand across my face, wincing from the pain, but then freeze when I notice the silver bracelet with the word Sempre engraved on it. ‘I swear I took this off,’ I mutter. ‘What the hell?’ I force myself to sit up, but it’s like I’ve stepped onto a merry-go-round on crack. The room spins round and round and I nearly pass out and topple onto the floor. I grab the edge of the nightstand to brace myself and in the process, bump the lamp. It falls to the ground, not breaking but making a loud noise.
As I’m trying to get myself back up to sitting position, the door swings open and in walks Luke. ‘What are you doing?’ he asks, taking in the lamp on the floor and then me hunched over, attempting to get to my feet.
I wince as I collapse back down on the bed. ‘Trying to stand up.’ I fake a light tone. ‘But it seems as through my legs have forgotten their purpose in life.’
He scowls at me. ‘This isn’t funny, Violet.’
‘What? Me not being able to walk.’ I’m uncertain how to react to his anger because it’s not typical of him. ‘It is kinda, sorta funny, don’t you think?’ I hold up my finger and thumb about an inch apart. ‘Just a little bit.’
He shakes his head, clearly still irritated with me. ‘Stop making jokes.’ He sinks down on the bed, causing the mattress to concave and me to slide toward him. ‘I don’t even … I can’t even …’ When his gaze welds with mine, I want to shrink back and hide under the blankets. I’ve been scolded many, many times by people throughout my life, but never like this, never with so much passion, disappointment, terror and worry in their eyes. ‘What the hell were you thinking? Leaving the house … going into the water … God dammit! ‘His hands ball into fists and he looks like he wants to break something.
I flinch from the harsh tone of his voice, but still sit up straight even though my back hurts. ‘I was thinking how much I didn’t want to think anymore. How much it hurts to think. How hard it is.’
‘You promised me you wouldn’t leave the apartment and you’d check in with Seth, none of which you did.’
‘I don’t need a babysitter, Luke. I’ve told you this time and time again.’
With a hard expression, he raises my arm and flicks the hospital band. ‘Clearly you do … do you know how fucking worried I was when I couldn’t get a hold of you.’ He shakes his head, his jaw set tight, and his balled up fists are trembling. ‘And then I find you drunk, soaking wet, with a hospital band on your wrist, and that makes it that much worse.’
I slip my hand from his hold, feeling ashamed of what I did. Luke knows, like knows, knows my dirty little secret. Unlike the nurse at the hospital, I can’t just lie to him and tell him everything was an accident. And honestly I don’t want to. ‘I fucked up. It’s what I do, Luke. I’m sorry, but there’s not much else I can say.’
His gaze bores into me as he scoots closer on the bed until our knees touch Then he rests his forehead against mine, like he needs to touch me. ‘Why did you fuck up?’ he says, his voice much more gentler.
One simple question. But it’s packed with so much emotion and I feel like I’m drowning again. I open my mouth to tell him I don’t want to talk about it, but then I realize that whether I want to or not, I need to. I made my choice when I decided to fight instead of drown that I was going to deal with this.
‘Detective Stephner called today,’ I say quietly. ‘Something’s happened with the case.’
He’s struggling to keep a neutral expression as I lean back from him. ‘Okay … What is it?’ he asks.
Everything I felt when I heard the voicemail rushes through me. The fear. The relief. The worry. The excitement. The disappoint of realizing that even if they to solve my parent’s case, my parents will still be gone – nothing will change that. I still have no one. No mother. Father. No relatives. Nothing. And that the past still exists, that this didn’t free me, that I might never be free. And then the revelation and the fear that I could lose him also set me off, what was what nearly killed me.
But I chose to live. Chose not to drown. That has to mean something, right? That I don’t want to die.