“I was,” Alex says then points over to his cherry red 1969 Camaro parked toward the back beneath the trees. The vision form of himself is standing by the front of the car with his hands tucked into his pockets, looking nonchalant at first glance, but upon further assessment…
“You look nervous,” I say.
“I was,” he replies, his eyes not on himself, but on me—the real me. “Because I was about to do something really wrong.”
“You mean get close to me?” I ask as his thumb gently grazes the inside of my wrist.
He shakes his head once, eyes forward, jaw set tight. “I mean, let your soul heal and let you be emotional again.”
“But you didn’t know it was going to happen.” I watch as the vision form of me touches the back of her neck. It’s about to happen. My emotions are going to rush back to me and I’m going to start crying for the first time in my life.
“Yeah, I did.” He utters it so quietly his voice nearly gets carried away in the wind. He lifts his hand and points it at the vision form of himself, which is still in front of the car, but now his lips are moving.
“What are you saying?” I ask as I watch the vision form of myself feel the rush of emotion and tears pour out of her eyes. I want to cry with her, bawl my eyes out because I can still remember the emotional pain that I didn’t understand at the time.
“Stuff I can’t share with you yet, because it might break you again,” he says, glancing at me from the corner of my eye and I swear to God it feels like my stomach lurches up my throat. “I was told by a Foreseer I could help you return to… well, you. The emotional you that you should have been all along.”
“But you were so against me feeling things all the time. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“It’s because I was conflicted.” He faces me, taking both of my hands in his. “I kept having these dreams of you drowning and I was just watching you, not helping. It kept happening for years and finally I couldn’t take it anymore, so I went and sought help.” He glances over at the vision form of himself again. “Afterward, I felt like I’d done something wrong, but at the same time right… I was really confused.”
I stare at him for a moment and can tell he’s avoiding eye contact with me, not because he’s lying but because he’s putting himself out there and is vulnerable. I look over at the vision form of him, watching the vision form of me on the ground, crying, drowning in emotions.
“I wanted to go to you,” he whispers. “I debated it over and over again in my head, but the bad side of me won.”
“I don’t think there was a bad side of you in this moment,” I tell him. “Or now.”
He doesn’t say anything, letting go of my hands, and raking his fingers through his hair. “Well, I’m glad you think so.” The vision form of him drives off and the vision me gets to her feet, before he speaks again. “We should go back,” he says quietly. “I just wanted you to know the truth.”
“Thank you,” I tell him, choking back an emotion fighting to be revealed. “Not just for telling me the truth, but for giving me back my soul and emotions.”
The corners of his lips tug upward, but it’s barely a smile. “Don’t thank me. They never should have been stolen to begin with.”
Chapter 26
I try not to think about what Alex showed me, but it’s difficult. All this time, he’d been the one that freed me. It was amazing and yet at the same time, heartbreaking.
After we leave the vision, we go back to the house, landing in the living room quietly. I refuse to let go of his hand, even when he walks over to the sofa and flops down. He doesn’t seem to mind though, sketching his fingers lightly across my knuckles as he stares out fingers entangled together.
“I want you to be careful when you do this,” he says. “When you go into the mapping ball. And prepare yourself for the worst case scenario.”
“I will,” I promise him. “And I promise I won’t alter any visions unless I think it’s the right thing to do.” I pause. “I’m hoping, though, if I do, it’ll realign everything else and maybe things won’t be so out of whack.”
He looks up at me. “You mean with the section of time your father reset?” he asks and I nod. He contemplates something. “Maybe you should put that one back too, just so everything is back to the way it was.”
I shake my head swiftly, my hand tightening on his. “No way.”
“Gemma, I—”
“I won’t do it,” I cut him off, maintaining his gaze. “I won’t do anything where you die. And besides, if I change my father’s vision that stuff might never happen anyway.”
We both grow silent, realizing that if I change it, what we have right now might be lost.
“Be careful,” he says in a hoarse whisper, cupping the back of my head. “Please, just don’t do anything that’ll hurt yourself.”
I nod and then he kisses me, in a way he’s never kissed me before. Slow and sensual, with meaning behind it, flooding me with tingles and butterflies and causing my pulse to throb under my flesh. It’s like he’s saying good-bye to whatever we have now, in case it disappears. I wish the kiss could go on forever, life would be so easy if it could, but it ends, way too soon in my opinion.
“Should we wake everyone up?” I ask Alex as I lean forward and collect the mapping ball from the coffee table.
“That’s up to you,” he says, drawing a line up and down the back of my neck.
It sounds like a simple question, yet it’s not. To say good-bye is painful and will probably upset everyone, but what I might end up doing in the mapping ball could potentially erase everything we have and I might not even know who they are in the end.
“I’m going to be an optimist for once.” I cup the crystal ball in my hand and it illuminates vibrantly. “And not say good-bye so I can tell myself that this is all going to work out…. This will all be fine.”
It has to be. I have a mom upstairs, branded by the mark of evil, a beautiful vampire friend, who is so sad my heart breaks for him, a witch friend who is afraid to show who she really is, and a gorgeous guy I feel so much for yet if those emotions get too strong, we could die. But hopefully, I have the power to remove the pain and give them a future without death, loneliness, and despair.
So squaring my shoulders, I walk to the middle of the living room. I open my hand and let the Purple Flame erupt from my palm. Alex’s eyes light up with worry and I can sense a panicked protest coming.