“Why would it be for me?”
“Because you have feelings for her. I can tell.”
“That’s absurd. We’re just friends, and I’m kind of okay with that. Happy even. Things feel… good.”
“And I’m glad they feel good, but I don’t believe for one second you two are just friends, no matter how many times you both say it.” She walks backwards, facing me as we continue toward her car. “And even if you are just friends, you kind of remind me of the way Quinton and I were just friends right after he got out of rehab. We’d always just talked—we had the best conversations ever—but the entire time, I kept thinking about how much I wanted more. Eventually, it just happened.”
Just the thought of that occurring between Avery and me causes untamed desire to pulsate through my body. My heart crashes against my chest like I just did a line of meth.
I want Avery. I’ve known that since the day I first met her. But…
“It’s not going to happen. We have a rule so that it won’t.”
Nova lets what I said sink in and then she erupts in laughter. “Okay, well, that pact is going to be broken eventually. I can tell you that right now. You, my friend, are a rule breaker. And I’m guessing by the way Avery looks at you sometimes, she’s going to be a rule breaker, too.”
“Nova, she doesn’t want the rule broken. She’s been through stuff… things that…” I shouldn’t be talking about this with her, because I’m not sure if Avery would want me to. “But anyway, yeah, we’re just friends and that’s all she wants from me.”
“Fine. You’re just friends,” she agrees, more to appease me than anything. “It’s amazing how much you two have to say that.”
Giving up, I sigh and start for the car again. “Come on, or I’m going to be late.”
I make it about two steps before I hear my name being called out. My body goes as stiff as a board as I turn to find the neighbor jogging toward me. I have no idea how he figured out my name other than I must have told him when I was drunk. I don’t like that he knows it.
“So, do you have the money?” He’s out of breath by the time he reaches me, hunched over, gasping for air as he clutches his knees for support.
I tell myself to remain calm, even though my instincts beg me to tell this guy to go fuck himself. “I’ll have the hundred by Tuesday.” I refuse to look at Nova, because I don’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes. “I’m getting paid then.”
He straightens up, his face pallid, his pitted cheeks red. “I told you it was five hundred.”
My fingers curl inward as I stab my nails into my flesh, fighting to keep my temper under control, something I’ve rarely done in the past, never thinking ahead. Now I am. I’m thinking about work, about seeing Avery at the bar, about spending time with her on Sunday, getting to see the ocean for the first time.
“And I told you there wasn’t five hundred in that bag,” I say as coolly as I can. “And you’re delusional if you think I’m going to give you extra because you owe this Skullman dude or whatever.”
“You’re walking a dangerous line,” he warns, shooting a harsh glance from Nova to me. Then his bloodshot eyes darken and he inches toward me, lowering his voice. “You better watch it or stuff might happen.”
An invisible rubber band snaps inside me and all my restraint flies right out the window. I slam my hands against his chest and shove him back. “You better watch it, or I swear to God—”
“You swear to God what?!” he shouts as he recovers his footing and barrels back at me. I move toward him, too, knowing firsthand that his druggie body is no match for me when I’m sober. When he realizes he’s not scaring me, he shifts his direction and backs away toward the motel. “You have no fucking idea who you’re messing with. And when you do find out, that pretty little face of yours is going to be fucked up.” He spins unsteadily on his heels then makes a crooked path back to his room.
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath as I turn to Nova.
Her eyes are so massive that they magnify all her fear and distress. “What was that about?”
“Nothing.” I signal for her to follow me as I stride toward the car, more irritated with myself than anything. I’ve been doing well and shouldn’t be dealing with this crap anymore, but it’s like trouble follows me. Always has.
God, what would Avery think of me? I really need to start making better choices. The thought strikes me out of nowhere, and I’m not quite sure what to do with it or where the hell it came from.
“Tristan, don’t shut down on me,” Nova demands, her sandals scuffing against the gravel as she jogs to catch up with me. “You can’t shut down.”
“I’m not shutting down.” I skid to a stop when I reach the car. What the hell do I tell her? Lie or admit the truth? The truth will reveal my cracks, and Nova will open them up even further because that’s what she does.
Lie?
Truth?
Old Tristan?
This weird, new sober one?
Honestly, I kind of like the new one, which is really fucking hard to admit. After years of self-loathing, holding on to everything bad I’ve done, suddenly I don’t want to feel the pain of my past anymore.
I open the passenger door. “Get in and I’ll tell you what happened.”
I wait until we’re driving down the highway toward The Vibe before I spill the truth to her. By the time I’m finished, I feel a bit better about the situation. Not great, because I still have to deal with our neighbor, but okay.
“Do you even know who this Skullman is?” Nova asks after I’ve finished explaining. We’re nearing the edge of town, the trees on the sides of the road shifting into sidewalks and small stores.
“I don’t even know the neighbor’s name for God’s sake. He just showed up out of nowhere, demanding his drugs.” My head flops back against the seat, and I close my eyes. “I never should have dumped that bag down the toilet.”
She’s quiet for a minute, and when she speaks again, her voice is gentle yet firm. “Yes, you should have.”
I open my eyes and look at her. “Okay, I don’t mean for this to sound rude, but are you crazy?”
Her knuckles whiten as she grips the steering wheel and gives me a sidelong glance. “No. I just know that, the longer you kept that bag, the more likely it would have ended up in your bloodstream than in the sewer system where it belonged.”