“There’s not much to tell, really,” she replies. “It’s just three guys and myself hanging out in a garage most of the time.”
“It sounds like I should be jealous.” I shuck off my shirt while holding the phone, which is difficult, but I manage to get it done.
“Of the band? Nah, they’re harmless. Besides, I think they think of me as one of the guys.”
“I doubt that.” I set the phone down on the countertop beside the shower, then turn up the volume.
“If you say so,” she says with uncertainty. “But anyway. There is something pretty cool happening.”
“And what’s that?” I raise my voice as I pull the shower curtain back.
“We got our very first gig,” she tells me as I step into the shower. Her voice fades a little but I can still hear her, even when I step under the stream of water. “And I’m not talking about playing at some club because it’s open band night. I’m talking about opening for another band because we were chosen to. How cool is that?” She sounds so happy.
I smile as I let the water run over my body. “Pretty f**king cool.” I rub the water away from my eyes. “Who’s the band?”
“Peaceful Injustice.”
“Never heard of them.”
“Yeah, they’re not that well known, but I love them. In fact, I have a huge band crush on them.”
I reach for the soap, her comment deflating my mood. “Sounds like I should be worried.”
“Nah. I promise you have nothing to worry about.” Silence takes over the line, but I can hear her softly breathing if I strain my ears and listen. “What are you doing right now?”
I pause, so many dirty responses racing through my mind I can’t even think straight. “Taking a shower.”
“Yeah, I know, but…” She trails off, breathing profusely. “But what exactly are you doing at this very moment?” She sounds really fascinated, which makes me wonder what she’s thinking.
I think about telling her that I’m touching myself and thinking about her. Starting something up because it’s been a while since I’ve gotten any. God, just thinking about it turns me on, but at the same time, do I want to go there yet? “I’m not sure…”
“You’re not sure what you’re doing?’ She sounds lost.
After some more internal conflict, I decide to just spit out what’s floating around in my head. “Nova, I’m picking up this vibe from you and I’m not sure but… it sounds like…” I swipe my hand across my face, wiping the water away. “It sounds like you’re trying to have phone sex.” And just like that I’ve changed everything and I have no idea how it even happened. One minute I’m freaking out, and the next I’m calmed down and all I can think about is her.
She doesn’t respond right away and I worry I’ve read her wrong.
“Jesus, I didn’t mean that,” I say, feeling like a moron. “Please, just forget about it. Please.”
“I don’t want to forget about it.” Her voice is uneven. Scared. Nervous. All of her insecurities are showing. “I just don’t know what to say… I’m not an expert at this.”
“At phone sex?” There’s a hint of amusement in my voice that accidentally slips out.
“Hey, don’t laugh at me.” She tries to sound offended, but I can tell she’s on the verge of laughing. “I’m in no way an expert at this… any of this, actually. The last time I came close to even doing anything with a guy was… well, with you, at the lake.”
She’s being so honest it shocks me. But what really shocks me is that she hasn’t been with anyone else since then, which would also mean she’s still a virgin. That no guy has touched her the way I did since we made out in the lake. It makes me feel twistedly happy, but at the same time sad, because that isn’t the best memory in the world. For her or for me.
“I’m not sure what to say,” I tell her as I rinse my face off in the water.
“Do you think I’m a freak?” she asks. “Because I haven’t done anything.”
“Not at all. I don’t even think I could ever think of you as a freak, no matter how goofy you got.”
“Then what do you think of me?” The nervousness in her voice reemerges and I think it’s a signal that she wants to head down that road, which makes me both wary and eager. Makes me want to hang up, but at the same time push the conversation further. This is Nova. If there’s anyone in the world I’d want to be doing stuff with sober, it’s her. Yeah, I probably don’t deserve her, but I want her. So f**king badly.
I shut my eyes and picture the many things she could be doing right now. “You want to know what I think of you?”
“Yes, please.”
I take a deep breath. “That you’re the most amazing person that I’ve ever met.” My voice cracks and I cough to cover it up. “That you’re nice, caring, way too perfect to be with me.” I put my hands up on the wall and lower my head, letting the water run over my body. “That you’re sexy as hell, from your freckles to your long legs… I can still remember how f**king amazing it was to have those legs wrapped around me.”
“Yeah?” she asks, and I can tell she likes what I’m saying, so I keep going, despite how unfamiliar it is.
“Absolutely,” I assure her, with a hint of nervousness in my voice. “Even though I haven’t really touched you in a year—not the way that I want to, anyway—I can still remember how perfect it felt to run my hands all over your body… kiss you…” I shut my eyes tightly as my heart pounds deafeningly inside my chest. “Slip my fingers inside you.” I grip the tile wall for support, because it feels like I’m falling into a unknown place, one where I’ve never been, but one I want to keep falling into despite where I might end up.
“Would you do it to me if you were here?” she asks timidly. “Touch me like that, I mean.”
“Yes,” I say in a low, husky tone that surprises me. “God, I would do more than that if you were here.”
“Oh yeah? Like what?” Her voice is a little off pitch, but in the most adorable way ever.
Jesus, she’s killing me. “Like kiss you while… I slip inside of you,” I say and she starts to breathe heavily. I want to keep going, but at the same time, there’s a voice in the back of my head telling me it’s wrong. Not like this. Not over the phone. Not when I just hid a bag of crystal underneath my mattress.