He rolls his eyes. “I’ll be fine.”
“Just wait an hour and I’ll be back here and we can go down to Johnny’s…” I trail off, noticing Nova is listening intently just behind me. Leaning in, I lower my voice. “Then we can go down to Johnny’s and get spun out of our minds and an hour won’t even matter.”
He considers this with an undecided look on his face and then reluctantly gives in. “I’ll wait an hour.” He points a finger at me. “But only an hour and then I’m walking over there without you and you can figure out how to get high by yourself.”
“Okay.” I cross my fingers, hoping he can’t keep track of time.
He rolls his eyes again like I’m a burden to him and then squeezes past me and goes into the house. Then I shut the door, still not fully grasping what I’m about to do or why I’m doing it.
“You ready?” Nova asks, eyeing my cut-up chest and then scanning my bruised face, wincing when she sees my puffy eye.
I shrug. “Yeah, I’m good. Let’s go.”
“Do you…do you want to put a shirt on?”
“I can’t…I think one of my ribs is broken or bruised.”
Her lips part in shock. “Quinton, I—”
“So we better hurry.” I cut her off as I start across the balcony, limping. “I have to be back in an hour…it’s important that I am.” Besides, whatever is said in the next hour isn’t going to be real because right now my thoughts aren’t real. None of this is. Not her. Not this apartment. Not the pain in my beat-up body.
She hurries after me, her sandals scuffing against the concrete. “Why?”
“Because it is,” I reply evasively. “Do you have the time, by chance?”
She picks up her pace and moves up beside me, taking her phone out of her pocket as she reaches the stairs. “It’s twelve twenty-three,” she says.
“Can you let me know when it’s around one?” I ask her, knowing that if I don’t I’m going to forget to keep track of time. “I want to make sure I’m back in time.”
“Sure.” She stuffs the phone into the back pocket of her shorts and starts down the stairs. I follow her, trying not to look at her, watch her, but I’m drawn to the way she moves and how different it is from the way she used to. She carries her shoulders higher, exuding positivity in her movements and her eyes that reflect the sunlight. It’s amazing to watch and for a moment I get wrapped up in it, the way her expression is filled with confusion, the way her hair blows in the hot breeze, how she bites her lip nervously. But then we reach the bottom of the steps and Nancy, one of our neighbors who like to wear bras for shirts, is standing there, drinking a beer.
“Hey, baby,” she says to me. We’ve hooked up a few times, done a few lines, and she’s always trying to get me to shoot up with her. I always decline, though, just like I do with Tristan, because I f**king hate needles. Not because they hurt or any shit like that. But because needles helped me come back to life, the doctors jabbing all sorts of shit into me. I connect needles with reviving from death and always hate them because of this.
I blink my thoughts away from needles and stare at Nancy for a moment, assessing the way she’s looking at me like she wants to hook up again. I look like shit, but Nancy doesn’t care, just like I don’t care about much of anything. We’re the perfect match in this f**ked-up world, yet I can’t get the girl beside me out of my head. She’s more overpowering than perfection and I’m not strong enough to fight it.
Still I try for a moment, smiling at Nancy. “Hey, gorgeous,” I reply as I consider just kissing Nancy and destroying this entire connection with Nova. Right here. Right now. End it. Go on living my life exactly like I am now.
Nova looks at her and then me and makes the connection, but doesn’t say anything, turning toward the parking lot and heading to her cherry-red Chevy Nova parked just across the lot. The car looks so out of place in my world—too nice and shiny And Nancy bats her eyelashes at me, her chest popping out of her top, her eyes glossy from the rush she’s feeling. She’s part of this world. So easy. So simple. I should just do it—kiss her—but I’m too much of a selfish ass**le, wanting both worlds, and end up following Nova out to her car. We climb inside and she starts the engine and turns up the air conditioning.
“So where do you want to go?” she asks, scrolling over my body, her eyes lingering on my stomach. “Are you hungry?”
My jaw ticks and my stomach screams, No food! “Nah, I’m good. I’m not even hungry.”
She looks unconvinced. “Are you sure?”
I nod with certainty. “Yep, I’m sure.”
She grips the steering wheel, staring out the window at the sky, like she’s making a wish, and if she is, I wonder what it is. Then finally she puts the car into drive and heads out onto the main road, pausing at the curb.
“Put your seat belt on,” she says, buckling up herself.
Not wanting to have that argument with her again, I do what she asks. As soon as I’m fastened safely in, she drives down the road toward the main area of town. “Infinity” by The xx plays from her iPod but I only know the band and song title because I can see the screen. I remember how into music she is and how I’ve been listening to music a lot over the last nine months because of her.
“So what have you been up to?” she finally asks, turning the music down slightly.
I shrug, unsure how to respond to her question. Plus, I’m trying to restrain myself from saying much, since everything that comes out of my mouth is going to be unreal and driven by drugs and she deserves better than that. “Nothing much. I’ve pretty much just been wandering around.”
She nods like she understands, but I don’t think she does. How could she? “I did that for a bit, too, at the beginning of the school year,” she says.
“But not anymore?” I question, examining her smooth skin dotted with perfect freckles, full lips, bright eyes, soft hair…God, I want to draw her. “I’m guessing no because you look good.”
“I feel good for the most part. And lately I’ve known exactly what I want to do.”
“And what’s that?”
“A lot of things. Graduate. Play the drums.” She hesitates, fleetingly glancing in my direction. “See you.”
I suck in a breath as another drop of crystal drips down my throat and starts to soothe me, relax me, allow me to deal with being here. “But why? You don’t even know me…there’s a lot that you don’t get.”