My brows knit. “What does Solana have to do with this?”
“A lot,” he says as his hands spread across my cheek. “But I think it’s better for her to tell you… it’s her story… the things she went through… what your father did to her to keep her hidden… Lola, she’s had a rough life and that tattoo… it has to do with it so just let it go for now. Please.” He gives an elongated pauses, his eyes searching mine. “Tell me you forgive me. I need you to forgive me.”
I’m not sure if I should be angry with him or not. He knew that night that I was walking into a trap and didn’t warn me, but he also saved me, just like he did tonight. “I feel like my head’s going to explode… This is so much to take in Layton. And you know me enough to know I don’t do well with the whole emotional stuff.”
“I know.” His gaze never wavers from mine. “And I have to be honest, there’s more to it than what I’m telling you—more that I’m not even sure of… but right now, we’ve got to get you out of here and someplace safe before Frankie’s men find you. Solana says there’s a safehouse nearby we can go to until we can figure out where to go next.”
Safehouses was create by a group of ex-mafia men who needed to hide out from being hunted. That’s the thing with the world we live in. Once you’re on the bad list you usually stay on until you’re dead, so the odds of us walking out of this alive look grim, unless we keep running.
“Solana says, huh?” I question with a hint a jealousy in my voice that makes me cringe.
He gives me a strange look. “Are you jealous? That doesn’t sound like the Lolita I know.”
“It must be the trauma,” I say sarcastically. “Or maybe the bump on my head from the other night is making me crazy.”
“I already told you, Solana helped me out.” He moves his hand away from my face and touches his chest. “Helped me fake my own death. And I think she’s here to help you if the deal between her and I still stands, which it seems like it does since she hasn’t killed you yet.”
My brows dip even lower as confusion sets in deeper. I reach for Layton’s shirt and lift it up until I can see his chest. He lowers his hand and lets me examine his skin… the small circular scar on his lean chest, right near the tattoo of his family’s crest, a circle enclosing Greek-like symbols. In the heat of the moment, I hadn’t even noticed the scar. “You were shot?” I gape at him. “When you said fake your death I thought… well, I’m mot sure what I thought, but Id didn’t think it meant you were actually shot.”
He shrugs nonchalantly. “It was the only way we could pull it off. But it’s okay—I’m okay. It missed all major organs and arteries… Solana has a very good aim and now all I have is a scar.”
“She’s the one who shot you? Good God.”
He sighs, cover his hand over mine, which is still pressed against his chest. I can feel his heart beating under my palm, steady, calm. “Lola, I know you want to hear all the answers, but we really need to get to the safehouse. You have two very powerful mafia families after you—you’re not safe here so close to a town and the public.”
“Wow two hits.” I force a hollow laugh as I absentmindedly trace the scar on his chest. “I guess I should feel honored or something.”
“Lolita…” His voice drifts off as he leans in toward me. “It’s going to be okay. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You know that, right?” His eyelids drift shut as he leans into kiss me. And I want to let him, but I’m afraid I’ll start crying again, my mind still on emotion overload. I feel just as cold inside as the day I first ran. I wonder when I’ll be warm again—if I’ll ever be warm.
So I turn my head and he ends up kissing my cheek, his lips brushing against my flesh, warming up the cold in my body for a flickering instant. “I can’t kiss you right now,” I teller him softly. “I’m already fighting an emotion breakdown and your kisses seem to bring it out more… make me feel too much.”
“Is that a good thing?” he asks, slanting back and looking me in the eyes.
“Good and bad,” I say truthfully. “I’m glad you’re alive… glad you’re here… but it makes me feel… sort of guilty about what I’ve been doing over the couple of years. And I’m not used to guilt. Never been my thing, you know.”
“I do know.” His voice is soft, caring. “Lola, what you did… I’m sure you had to do it, right? To survive.”
I shrug, guilty knots winding in my stomach. “Yes and no… It wasn’t just that.” I can barely look at him. “Honestly, I did it because I liked it—liked how it made me feel on the inside.”
He presses his lips together with so much force the skin around his mouth turns white. “How did it make you feel?”
I glance at him with wariness. “You seriously want to know?”
He nods, but doesn’t look so certain. “I want to understand what it was like for you these last two years—need to understand. Because all I have is that picture of what I walked in on when I went into the hotel room and saw you like that.” He squeezes his eyes, looking as though he’s in pain. “God, when I heard you scream, I thought I was going to find you dead.”
“It wasn’t always that way. Most of the time it was fine.” I don’t want to tell him the real reason why I did it, too ashamed, but when I open my mouth, it sort of spills out. “I did it because it made me numb—I didn’t have to feel death on my hands. You know as well as I do that sex was always sort of a weird euphoric thing for me. Well it started to be a self-numbing thing after everything happened, like taking drugs without the drugs.”
“Lolita,” he says my full name again, the sound rolling off his tongue like honey. “I’m sorry… I wish I could have found a way to tell you all this sooner... But I wasn’t even supposed to see you now… I’m supposed to be dead… but I had to see you. That night in the motel, later at the house when you were out looking at my car.” He drifts toward me again. “Tonight. I couldn’t let anything happen to you.”
I stare into his silvery eyes, remembering all the things we used to be, remembering how it felt when I thought I’d never look at him again, touch him again, kiss him again.