He’s met Lily. Actually talked to her. My lips part, then shut again. Part then shut. “I don’t even know what to say.” I’m racking my brain for a way out of this. Usually Lily takes care of this, but she’s silent, probably enjoying my uneasiness. “Why didn’t you tell me before? Why didn’t you tell me that morning when I couldn’t remember what happened the night before?” It seems suspicious that he didn’t. Most people in his situation would have—most would have reported me to the police or the nearest insane asylum. Maybe he has. Perhaps this is why he wanted me to come here. Maybe at any moment, the police are going to bust in here, handcuff me, and take me away. Lock me up.
Speaking of handcuffs, he has a pair in his top desk drawer, just in case you want to go that route, Lily whispers.
And there you are… wait, how do you know about the handcuffs?
He brought them out that night.
That doesn’t seem like River at all.
Well, maybe you don’t know him as well as you think, which is why you shouldn’t trust him.
He’s not… the man that broke into the house is he?
How the hell would I know? You think I know more than I do.
“Because I could tell you weren’t her that morning,” he answers my question and I tear my concentration from Lily and direct it on him. “And I could tell you were pretty f**king scared as it was that you couldn’t remember anything, so I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire by telling you I knew about her. Multiple personalities can be tricky, especially if you don’t know about it already.” He searches my eyes, maybe for her. “But I’m guessing you do.”
I grip the edge of the seat, pierce my nails into the wood, fight not to hurt him, fight not to protect myself. “Please get out of my way so I can leave.”
He shakes his head, only getting closer to me, his warm breath caressing my flushed cheeks. “Maddie, I want to help you.” His voice conveys fervidness as he gently puts a hand on my cheek again. “There’s no need to be afraid. These kinds of things can be helped… I want to help you.”
“What are you? Some kind of psychology expert now.” I sit up straight, put my hands to his chest, and force him to move back and give me breathing room. “This isn’t a sociology study, River. I don’t want your help. I can handle it.”
“That’s not what it looks like to me.” He brushes his fingers through my damp hair and tucks a few strands behind my ear. “You look like you haven’t been sleeping very well.”
“I already told you I haven’t. But it’s normal for people to have trouble sleeping.”
“Is it…” He chews on his bottom lip, thinking. “Is it because of her?” he asks and I find myself shrugging. “Or is it because of the police? And how you are handling the thing with Bella?”
“It’s nothing. I just get restless sometimes.” I bite down on my lip until I draw blood to distract myself from the pain of thinking what I might have done to Bella and how River’s sitting here worried about me over something I may have caused. For the last six years I’ve pretty much lived in solitude with only Lily as my company and Ryland, who doesn’t ask me questions unless I offer openings. I don’t like sharing my personal life with anyone and there are reasons for that—because it’s f**king insane. Now though, well Lily’s taken it upon herself to give River an opening to ask questions. I hate her for it. And I don’t really understand why she would do it.
Why did you do it?
Accidental slipup.
“So if you were with me… Lily that night, then maybe I did have an alibi.” I look for the silver lining in this mess.
He shakes his head, pulling his hand away from my face. “What I told you about losing track of you was the truth.” He tugs his fingers through his hair and sits back on his heels, frustrated. “I mean, one minute you were there and the next you were gone. But don’t worry. Like I said, I told the police you were with me, so it doesn’t really matter.”
“Yeah, but I still don’t get why? You could get into a lot of trouble if they catch you.”
“I know that, but I want to help you. I really, really do. And it seems like you might need my help, you’re just afraid to take it for some reason.”
“You keep saying that you want to help me, but it doesn’t make sense. No one ever wants to help.” I say it with no true meaning behind it, yet it feels like I meant it. I can’t help but think about the dreams I keep having, the times I zone off, where I’ve been locked up before for whatever reason. Maybe no one helped me when I was locked away once, but if that’s the case, then why am I free now? Who freed me? Was it Lily? Did she help me escape? But then why would my mother act like she was bad?
“I like you Maddie, even if you don’t believe so.” River’s gaze sweeps across my body, my clothes wet and clinging to my curves. “I’ve liked you from the day I ran into you outside of my AA meeting.”
I’m not sure if I’m buying what he says or not, but I want to pick his mind some more, because he seems to be my only lead to what I did that night.
“So you don’t remember me talking to anyone?” I ask as he puts his hands back on my legs again, seeming really determined to keep me in the chair. “That night, I mean. Anyone that might could give me a legit alibi, or at least help me put the pieces together.”
“Bella. Me. You talked to some of the regulars.”
I shut my eyes , take in a deep inhale and let it out slowly. “I’m not sure it’s going to look good if I was talking to Bella.” I open my eyes and try to decipher his reaction.
He seems far too calm in this particular situation. “You didn’t do anything to Bella.” He considers something with his brows furrowed, fingers massaging my legs. “She talked to a ton of people that night. And so did you,” he gestures at the window, “I watched you guys for quite a while and you talked with each other, costumers, Leon.”
“Why would I talk to Leon?” I ask curiously. “I don’t know him.”
He shrugs, his hands sliding up to the tops of my legs, making my body betray me and shiver with need. “Bella was with you. Maybe she was introducing you to him.”
“Bella was with Leon that night?” It feels vaguely familiar, but maybe I’m searching for an answer to avoid the truth. Because no matter what, I did go to Bella’s apartment. Did black out. Did wake up in a room stained with someone’s blood.