“She loved you more than there are grains of sand on the beach.”
“I know.” She sighs.
Her hair feels feather-soft under my hand, and I hate that I’m going to disrupt our quiet moment together. I delay the inevitable for just a few moments as we sit quietly embracing. The sun sinks lower and the amber rays give the warehouse a nostalgic Norman Rockwell patina. “I’m going to be getting up tomorrow around three a.m. I need to watch the opening of the Asian markets,” I say, searching for the best way to explain this. “I fired a member of my management team, and he’s unhappy.”
She makes a move to sit up and swing her legs off my lap, but I hold them down. I want her to be in my arms when I tell her how her life will change. “Is there something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Nothing that a little money and time won’t take care of.” I strive for calmness. “Louis was this brash kid out of business school with a huge chip on his shoulder. He’s the middle son in a family of overachievers. His dad is a successful investment banker, managing partner at Witt and Durand, and his brother went into business with a few friends and started a hedge fund, first trading in oil futures and then expanding into all kinds of energy—solar, natural gas, and even coal. The little sister is a violin virtuoso and is touring in Europe.
“Louis started out at his father’s firm but he didn’t fit in well there, mostly because his father kept asking him why he wasn’t more independent like his siblings. He came to me hungry, ambitious, and not a little bitter. I used all of that. I worked him like a dog, and we made money. I was well on my way to building Kerr Inc. into a multinational holding company to be reckoned with, but in the last four years, it’s become huger, grander, and richer than perhaps I’d even imagined.”
“$29 million a day,” she murmurs.
“Yes. $29 million a day in earnings was what the journalists parsed out from the increase in revenues for Kerr Inc. and the corresponding increase in the market cap—or the total amount the public shares are worth,” I explain. “I’m completely and utterly to blame for both feeding Louis’s appetite for wealth and not injecting enough balance into our lives. Before you, Tiny, I existed for one thing—and that was make more money. Buy more companies, make a larger push to invest globally in Brazil, India, and China. And I have to tell you that there is nothing less fulfilling than watching your stock price tick up and having no one around you but the people you pay to be your companions.
“When I saw you on the sidewalk outside of that wig shop, I realized that my quest for more would never be satiated by adding more companies to my portfolio. I wanted what I didn’t have—a family.” I intentionally leave Richard Howe’s name unsaid, but Tiny squeezes me, her small hand pressing harder into my chest, her legs curling around me, as if by holding me tighter she can eliminate decades of pain. What she doesn’t realize is that just her presence in my life, the fact that I can call her mine, has made me able to look forward. Her hugging me tight is an awesome f**king bonus.
“But Louis didn’t like this?”
“No, because his focus is singular: making more money. Nothing else matters.” I settle into the cushions, lying down and draping Tiny over me like a blanket. “I was—still am—eyeing an investment in a Japanese company that’s on the cusp of some revolutionary solar energy technology. Most solar panels are polycrystalline because monocrystalline silicon is too expensive to mass produce. SunCorp believes that it can produce high-quality monocrystalline silicon in greater quantities, which could impact not only solar energy but the entire semiconductor industry.”
“I can tell you’re excited about this company.” She pats my chest. “You’re so animated.”
“Perhaps.” I dip down to kiss the top of her head, the scent of lemon shampoo tickling my nostrils. I stir restively, thinking of a dozen things better than talking for us to be doing in a prone position. Hurriedly, I continue. “There are dozens of competitors. Clean energy is one of the hottest markets right now, and everyone wants in—from the wind farmers to those who are trying to turn ice-trapped gas into a power source. Deciding which clean energy company to invest in is the challenge.”
“But you like this one.”
“I do. Their people are smart and multinational. It’s not just a Japanese company. They’re attracting bright minds from Switzerland, Brazil, and the U.S. Their management style is a great blend of Western ambition and Eastern honor. I had Kaga run a check on the people at the top, and he says he’d do business with them. But I haven’t moved fast enough for Louis, and he prefers I swallow the company rather than just invest.”
“Why is he so impatient?”
“Because he’s worried I’m being too patient. I’m willing to wait, willing to lose it.”
Maybe my tone changes, but something I’ve said causes her to push away and sit up so she can look at me. “Did you wait because of me? Because of my mom dying? Because I couldn’t get out of bed for a week?”
“No,” I say sharply. The last thing I want or need is for Tiny to believe that she somehow caused any of this. She’d internalize that guilt and hold it close until it corroded what is good and pure between us. “I’m willing to lose it because I trust my instincts and it wasn’t time before to make a move. I’m not sure it’s time yet. Like I said, there are hundreds of clean energy tech companies to invest in, and SunCorp is just one. If I lose this one, it’s because I let it go intentionally.”
She searches my face, looking for signs of insincerity. Finding none, she allows herself to lie back down. I pull her tight against me again. “Louis jumped the gun, then?” she asks.
“Yes, because my focus isn’t just on business anymore. I don’t want it to be. There’s no real purpose in making more money, other than I enjoy playing the game. But I don’t want the game of acquisition to be the only thing in my life.” It’s important that Tiny understands that the changes occurring in my life are the product of my own desires—that her being in my life is paramount.
“What is it that he did?”
“He took analyst reports from me and told a business news journalist that the upper management of Kerr Inc. was going through a crisis. He ran with it.”
“Because he could name Louis as his inside source. Did he also suggest that you were mentally unstable due to drugs or something?”