Funny how the thrill of those illicit activities weren’t even a tenth as exciting as just thinking about f**king Tiny.
“Was my life,” I corrected him, not bothering to look back. “It’s just money. You and I both have enough to enjoy every little luxury even if we never work again.”
“Maybe you do, but I don’t,” Louis retorts.
This confession draws me away from the view of the harbor. He’s red-faced and not a little anxious. He fiddles with his tie and doesn’t look me in the eye.
“What is it?” I ask. “Women? Drugs? Gambling?”
“None of them. I just haven’t been at this as long as you have,” he mumbles.
“Maybe I’d believe that if you’d look at me when you said that instead of talking to your tie tack.”
“Sorry if my ambition is making you upset,” he snarls. From chagrin to attack in less than a minute, Louis is leaking defensiveness all over the floor.
Disappointment sets in. The lure of more was going to take another man down. Although on that subject, I’m the last who should talk. I’ve been making money hand over fist because I’m good at it. It used to fill my days and my nights with something akin to gratification, but now I realize it was a false sense of happiness. Things are nothing compared to a person. Louis’s downfall is as much my fault as his own. I’d hired him and because I’d failed to be a good mentor, I was going to lose him. I decide to change the subject as much for Louis’s sake as for mine.
“How about investing in a cycling company? Green measures are expanding and cycling is becoming more popular. Why don’t you check it out?”
Louis doesn’t respond immediately. A raised eyebrow finally jerks him to attention. “I’ll get right on that.”
“Good. I’ll expect a report in the morning.” Without waiting for a response, I pick up my landline to begin the eradication of the one black mark in my life. Tiny is right. I’ve allowed this to linger far too long. A little pressure on his wallet and he’d leave his family just to save his own skin.
“Howe speaking.”
“Richard. It’s Ian Kerr. How are you?”
“Good. I’m surprised you’re calling. Surprised but pleased. What can I do for you?” His uneasiness is evident.
“I could bullshit you all day, Howe, but you should know that you are a—” How had Tiny put it? Oh yes. “A boil on the ass of humanity.”
He starts to sputter. “Just because you have had a modicum of success does not mean you can speak to me—”
I cut him off. “Of course I can. Your family barely has two dimes to rub together. You probably don’t look at your bills or your mail. No doubt you’ve hired someone you can’t afford to do that for you. But if you had, you’d notice that all of your bills are sent from one company. IKK Asset Management.”
I hear only his heavy breathing on the phone. This is fun. I should have done this years ago. “IKK stands for Ian Kincaid Kerr,” I explain.
“B-b-but why?” he stutters.
My good humor is wiped away. “You know why. I’m going to give you an opportunity to do the decent thing. Divorce your wife, renounce your family. Leave the city. I don’t care where you live but do it quietly because if I hear even one whisper of your name, I’ll end you. Start making arrangements. The longer it takes you to leave town, the more debt I will call in.”
“Surely whatever harm you think I’ve done to you can be ameliorated in some fashion. Ian, old boy, we should meet. In person,” he yelps.
“I can barely stomach talking to you on the phone.”
I hang up. Why I didn’t threaten Howe earlier I don’t even know. Some misguided idea of chivalry; not wanting to do to Cecilia Howe what Richard did to my mother. Foolish reasons in retrospect.
The conversation should have left me elated but instead my stomach is churning. I need to see Tiny, but I don’t know if I should confess after she’d admired my restraint this morning. I run a hand down my face. I’ve rarely been uncertain before, because I’ve lived life without fear.
Now I have her, and I’m f**king terrified I’ll lose her and then I’ll be empty again.
She picks up on the fourth ring sounding harried.
“Ian, hi, can you hold for a minute?”
“Sure.” No. I want to see you immediately. I need to hold you.
After a moment she returns. “Sorry, God. I don’t think I’m made for dispatching. If you’re calling for an afternoon break, I can’t. I feel overwhelmed, and I don’t want to leave the desk. And I’m afraid if I do wander out of the office, I’ll never return. Also you need to eat lunch at a normal time like a normal person instead of at three in the afternoon.” She lowers her voice to a whisper. “How can you stand to work inside all the time?”
“You get used to it.” I push aside the disappointment. I will see her tonight. It’s soon enough.
“Blergh. I don’t want to get used to it. I miss biking.” Her voice sounds plaintive and harried.
I don’t bring up the topic of not working at all because I don’t want to get into another argument, but the biking issue is one I can address. “I was thinking I should invest in a cycling company. What was the name of that bike you liked in the SoHo store?”
“You can do that? You can just decide, hey, I want to buy a company because my girlfriend likes what they make?”
“Yes, I can do that.” My lips curve into a smile. She’s probably shaking her head right now.
“That’s weird. Very weird. I’ve got to go. Don’t buy any companies that I like.”
“Why not?”
“Because! You can’t go spending money like that just because I think they make cool stuff.”
“That’s exactly how people should invest, Tiny. You buy things that people around you like because that means that those companies are developing not only brand loyalty but producing a product that meets market desires. It’s an important part of market research.”
“Really? Well, I guess that’s why you’re making millions a day and I’m a bike courier.”
“You’re not a courier anymore.”
Silence.
“Thanks for the reminder. Look, I’ve got to go.”
With that, she disconnects.
Fuck. I screwed that up.
“By the glower on your face, I’m guessing you’re having lunch with me today,” Louis says with forced cheer. I can see he wants to put aside the morning’s uncomfortableness.