I started crying and he swore and pulled me into a hug that crushed my ribs.
“Everything is fixable. He had the same reaction when Shaw let us know about Remy, only then he had all my idiotic outrage on top of his own to keep it going. He works his way out of it and I know how much he needs you, Cora. It’ll be fine. Love is a goddamn scary thing. Facing it takes brass balls, and we all know you have a pair.”
I didn’t want to laugh, but I had to. I pulled away and wiped a hand over my face. “I used to think I was pretty tough, but your brother has turned me into a big pile of goo.”
“He makes all of us look like marshmallows.”
I straightened my top and tried to make sure I looked presentable before going back on the floor.
“I want you to design a new tattoo for me. That is the real reason I asked you to come back here, not to sob all over you like a big girl.”
He lifted the eyebrow that had the rings in it and looked me over. “More flowers?”
I told him no and explained what I wanted. I was gratified to see his eyes grow big and to see some of the frost that was always in there melt a little in appreciation.
“I’d be honored to do it. Just let me know when you’re ready.”
I tilted my head to the side and winked at him. “Gotta get big brother to forgive me first.”
“He will.”
“You guys keep saying that. I just hope you’re right.”
CHAPTER 16
Rome
Everyone at the bar was giving me a pretty wide berth. I came in breathing fire and lit up. I knew my anger was disproportionate to the situation, kind of like it had been when Shaw broke the news to us about Remy, but I couldn’t seem to stop it. I felt like I was losing my grip on things, like whatever I had been building with Cora was crumbling to dust right in front of my eyes. I was so wound up in my own bruised ego, and my own sense of loss, that I knew I was on the brink of spiraling out of control with no way to stop it.
I told myself over and over that we couldn’t agree on a house because we were just two very different people. When it crept up on me that she couldn’t tell me that she loved me, I convinced myself it was because she was still working around the fear Jimmy had left with her. I tried to reason that she was scared to see forever with me because I was still rocky at the whole family and stability thing, but I tried to show her in everything I did, with every dark memory or tortured dream I let her touch, that I was getting there. Watching her face her ex, dismiss him out of hand as insignificant, unimportant, and irrelevant, didn’t give her a wall of excuses to hide behind anymore. I couldn’t get my head around a real reason she might have for not feeling about me the way I did about her until she told him that he’d made her unable to love anyone. I knew she was holding parts of herself back and I understood fear, but I felt hopeless and furious at the idea that she had forced me to open all my hidden places, to bleed all the worst parts of me out in the open for her to see, while she still got to play it safe. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t a way for us to move forward together.
As tempting as it was to just grab a bottle of vodka and disappear into the back room and drown my sorrows, I knew it wouldn’t get me anywhere, so I just made sure I kept busy and tried to avoid snapping anyone’s head off needlessly. Asa was watching me closely and running pretty good interference for me. I didn’t know why everyone else thought he was such a shady character; so far he had done nothing but have my back. I would even consider him a friend at this point, so when I got a text from Cora at ten telling me she was in the parking lot and wanted to talk, I just nodded to him even though the bar was packed. The crowd on a Friday night was something to be proud of now, but I was so twisted up about a certain wild-card blonde I didn’t even stop to acknowledge it.
I knew she didn’t want to come in the bar in case I was going to make a scene or because she was worried that I would be unbending and unreasonable. I had given her good cause to believe that, which made me feel like a major jerk. There was no need for her to be cowering in the parking lot like she did something wrong. If she didn’t feel about me the way I felt about her, I was just going to have to accept it and move on. The one thing she had been so instrumental in teaching me was that there was nothing wrong with holding out for what you ultimately decided you deserved. I wanted her, wanted a life with her and the baby, but she needed to want me on the same level or it wasn’t enough.
I saw the bright green car parked next to my truck. When she caught sight of me making my way toward her, she climbed out of the driver’s side and started to make her way toward me. I was going to tell her to just follow me inside, that I would have Darcy make her something to snack on while we talked. I never got the chance because I heard the roar of Harley pipes at the same time all my oh, shit instincts fired up. I saw her head whip around, felt time slow down the way it did when danger and doom were breaking on the horizon, so I did what I had been trained to do. I knew what gunshots sounded like. Knew not to panic, but never had I been so scared. I had been shot at plenty of times. I had never had to worry about someone I loved getting shot, though. It made me move faster than I ever had in my life.
I sprinted across the asphalt like it was made of lava. I got to her right before the first bullet made contact. My head jerked back and blood started immediately rushing down the column of my neck and soaking into the collar of my T-shirt. I saw her wild eyes go huge in her face but didn’t have time to say anything to her. I was lucky she made such a tiny target because the next gunshot didn’t miss either, nor did the next as I took her to the ground under me. I’d been hit with bullets before, but had always had body armor to dull the impact. Bullets tearing through unprotected flesh felt like Satan flicking his tail across bare skin. My flesh burned and the calm night air instantly filled with the coppery scent of my blood. Man, there was a lot of it. I could see it flowing out of me and onto her and the pavement below her. How could have I forgotten there was a pissed-off biker all set to get vengeance on me? Cora shouldn’t have been in that parking lot alone.
I had her whole body under me. Could feel her shaking and whispering my name against my throat. I hoped I hadn’t hit the ground with her too hard, but I couldn’t move to check on her. In fact I knew I needed to get off of her so I wasn’t crushing her into the hard ground, but none of my limbs were obeying my commands. In fact her lovely and beloved face was blurring in and out as breath wheezed in and out of lungs that felt like they were suddenly full of cement. I was suffocating. I was bleeding. I was hurting all over, but she was looking up at me in shock and fear but alive. So full of life and color, and that was all that mattered.