I barked out a laugh and leaned back in the seat. She looked at me in confusion and I nodded at her.
“You’re right. I’m broken. Half the time I don’t know if the stuff going on in my head is real or the memory of a memory. I just didn’t think it was so obvious.” I wasn’t even going to touch on the “ridiculously hot” comment. She was right, I was in a million and one scattered pieces and there was probably more than one screw missing.
She shook her head and pushed open the door. “That’s not what I mean. You’re not happy and you’re not even trying to get there. Jeez, Rome, we have more military in this state than we do normal people. Go get help, go find someone to talk to. Let someone save you for once. I know your brother and the other people that love you would appreciate it.”
And then she was gone just like that, like she hadn’t turned my world on its axis. Like she hadn’t been the best sex I could remember ever having in my life. Like she hadn’t just dismantled all my parts and pieces and left them lying stripped and bare for the entire world to see. It made my head hurt even more.
The cell phone I had in my hand vibrated with a text, and I flinched when I noticed I had no less than ten missed calls. Everyone was checking up on me, making sure I hadn’t drunk myself to death, and my parents had called to see if I was coming for brunch. The answer to that was hell no, the reasons more complicated, but the text was from Shaw and I didn’t want to be an ass and ignore her.
Skipped family brunch. Want to get some food?
I could eat.
Rule is messing with the water heater. Bob Vila he is not. Just me and you?
I hadn’t been alone with Shaw since before she dropped the bombshell about not only her and Rule being a couple, but Remy being g*y. I loved her like a sister, loved how good she was for my brother, but I still had some issues with her lying to us for so long. However, I had promised Rule I would get it on lock, so that’s what I was going to do and a greasy-ass breakfast burrito sounded awesome right now.
Sure. The Denver Diner?
Gross. No, if you want diner food let’s go to Steuben’s.
Okay.
It’s uptown on 17th.
See you soon.
I had a cast-iron stomach and the Denver Diner would have been fine for me. Army food had come a long way over the years, but it still wasn’t great, though as long as it was hot, I could eat it. Uptown wasn’t terribly far from where the Victorian and the tattoo shop were anyway, so I had time to swing by and change before I met up with her. Nash was coming out as I was running in and he gave me a concerned look on his way to the Charger.
“You okay? You weren’t here this morning.”
“I had a rough night. It’s all good.”
He must have been in a hurry because he didn’t stop to give me the third degree. I doubted Cora wanted the guys to be privy to all the sordid details, so it was nice I didn’t have to chitchat with him in passing.
I rushed through a shower and decided not to bother running a razor over my face. I felt like hell, so I might as well look like it as well. I tossed on some jeans and a clean T-shirt. I slapped my sunglasses on over my seriously bloodshot eyes and drove up to the restaurant. Shaw’s snazzy Porsche SUV was already in the parking lot and I was surprised that I actually felt a little nervous about seeing her one-on-one.
Shaw was a sweet girl. She didn’t have a malicious or mean bone in her tiny body. She was all gigantic heart and unconditional love, which was how she managed to get my idiot brother to act right most of the time. There was just something about those innocent green eyes that made you want to be her hero, made you want to be the best “you” possible around her, which made all the resentment and irritation I felt toward her so hard to swallow. Her blond head was easy to pick out of the crowd and the fact that she was as uneasy with meeting as I was showed on her pretty face.
She gave me a wan smile as I slid into the booth across from her, and I saw the concern flash across her eyes when I took my sunglasses off and ordered coffee from the hovering waitress.
“You look awful.”
“I feel awful.”
She was fiddling with her silverware and I could tell she wanted to say something but was holding back.
“What, Shaw? Just say it.”
She bit her bottom lip and wrinkled her nose up at me. “Rule is worried about you.”
I snickered at her and nodded at the waitress when the coffee was set down in front of me. “Oh, how the tables have turned. I spent most of my life worrying about him.”
It was true. I don’t know where the all-consuming need to be my brother’s keeper had come from, but it was as much a part of me as my sense of duty and honor was.
She frowned at me. “Excessive drinking, acting out, not talking to Margot and Dale, and pushing away everyone that cares about you: it’s like you’re purposely trying to make coming home as hard as it can possibly be. We all love you, Rome. Yes, we were all used to loving you when it was easy and took no effort, but we can all learn to love you in a different way now that it’s harder if you give us a chance.”
I cleared my throat and waited for the hovering waitress to take our order before answering her.
“Look, I’m trying to settle into my life the way it is now. I’ve had a few hiccups here and there but I’ll figure it out. I’m sorry I was such a dick to you. It’s hard looking at you and not seeing Remy and his lies, it’s hard seeing you and Rule as a unit. I’m not used to being on the outside looking in at my own family.”
She hissed out a breath like I had smacked her. I saw the pain flash across that jade gaze and felt like a heel.
“It wasn’t my secret to tell. Remy lived his life the way he wanted on his terms. I didn’t agree with it, with the secrets and sneaking around, but it wasn’t my place to force the issue. He was happy, he was in love, and he didn’t need or want you and Rule to interfere, even if it would have been with good intentions. As for being with Rule …” She met my gaze head-on and unflinchingly. “I’ve loved him forever and you knew it. I earned him, Rome. I earned the right to be happy with him and to make him happy. I won’t apologize for it, ever. I’m sorry the change is hard for you to adjust to.”
The waitress chose that moment to put our plates down on the table. We stared at each other in a long silence for a moment before my pounding head and empty stomach couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’m just trying to figure it out, little girl. Everyone let Rule muddle his way to something great, why can’t I have a little leeway until I get there?”