“I’d like that. And … I wouldn’t hate it if you have time to teach me some things about doing my face. For parties?”
No more fugly red lipstick, Mom.
“That would be fun.” Not a word I typically used to describe anything related to my mother. “You’re an autumn, you know.”
Her unshaped brows shot up. “I’m a what now?”
“One step at a time.”
She wore a tentative smile, and I studied her. Her hair was a frazzled russet, badly in need of a good cut and some deep conditioning. For as long as I could remember, she had worn it in a messy knot. She was round, but not seriously overweight; she had the body of someone who didn’t move around a lot, understandable given how much of her time she spent writing on whiteboards and poring over legal pads.
“Would it be all right if I hugged you?”
For some reason, that choked me up. Tears rose to my eyes as I set aside the throw pillow. “You don’t have to ask. You can, anytime you want.”
I wish you did it more.
She smelled like lilac talcum powder when she reached over and squeezed me around the shoulders. “Your father and I love you very much. And we’re so proud of you, Edith.”
Exhaling in a shaky rush, I put my head on her shoulder. Her lumpy cardigan scratched my cheek, but it was a good five minutes before I moved. “Let’s hit the gym Thursday afternoon, okay?”
Mom actually looked misty when she nodded. “I’ll meet you there. We can swing by and grab takeout for dinner afterward, give your dad a break from cooking.”
If I was teaching her about hair and makeup, then I should ask to trade. “Maybe, if you have time, you could show me something about electrical sockets? And plumbing?”
“I’d be glad to. A woman should never—”
“Depend on a man if she’s capable of learning how to do something herself.”
She looked so surprised when I finished her sentence, then she burst out laughing. “It’s good to know I haven’t been shouting my wisdom down a well all these years.”
“Nope. Night, Mom.”
Wednesday was a good day, maybe because I was happy, and I just … didn’t think about the problems squatting on the horizon. Even pawns on a chessboard needed a day off now and then. I pretended I had Pandora’s box inside and shoved all the horrible feelings into it. On Thursday morning, Davina came back to school, and it astonished me how relieved I was. I wove through the crowd toward her.
“You back?”
Glumly she nodded. “I talked my mom into letting me see a therapist, but the traitorous bastard said the best thing for me was to get back on the horse that threw me.”
“Huh?”
“Coming back to school will prevent me from forming some kind of aversive phobia.” She yanked down a pink sign-up sheet with more than a hint of violence. “Oh, look. Allison’s gone wheels-up with her coup d’état and tryouts are tomorrow afternoon. I haven’t practiced at all, so I’ll be lucky to be mascot, after three years of taking their shit. God, sometimes I hate them so much.”
“Why didn’t you just make new friends?” I asked.
“Russ,” she said miserably. “God, I’d liked him since I was a freshman and he barely knew I was alive.”
“You don’t have to go out for the squad. Let Allison have it.”
She shook her head, wearing a ferocious frown. “Screw that. If I don’t make it, then it’s like I wasted all of that time and she wins.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Try out with me.”
I cackled, until I realized she was serious. “Why, to make you look better by comparison when I fall on my butt?”
“Partly,” she admitted. “But also for moral support. Please, Edie.”
“What the hell.” I liked Davina, apparently well enough to make an ass of myself in solidarity. “How long does it last? I need to tell Kian I’ll be late tomorrow.”
“Depends on when they call you to perform, but allow an hour.”
“Awesome.”
“You need an original cheer and then you’ll also be scored on how fast you learn the routine, along with the rest of your group. I don’t suppose you can do a backflip?”
“I can walk backward. Sort of.”
Davina smiled and slung an arm around my shoulders. “I would not be okay if you weren’t around this year. I’m glad we’re friends.”
She had no idea how much those four words meant to me … or how scared I was that something evil might be listening. I was like some kind of disaster demon, one touch, and the contagion spread, inky tendrils of malevolence creeping toward those I cared about. Still, I didn’t shift away because Davina needed the contact as much as I did; it took all of her bravado to pretend the stories about Russ weren’t breaking her heart, mostly because none of them included a whisper of what they’d been to each other for one sweet, short summer.
“My mom and I are hitting the gym this afternoon,” I said. “Maybe you could come along and afterward, you and I can work on something for the tryout?”
“Let me ask,” she said. “I’ll get back to you at lunch.”
Company at the table was thin: just Cameron, Davina, Allison, and me. Russ’s lacrosse pals sat elsewhere, as if they sensed the dark cloud hovering over the Teflon crew. Since Russ had bound them together, now they’d separated into sub-cliques. Everyone was quiet, and after eating, I left, disturbed by the wreck Cameron had become. I understood his grief; in a short time he’d lost both his girlfriend and the person he’d thought was his best friend. A pang went through me at how I’d used Allison to deliver Russ’s barb about why they hung around with Cam.
“I’m with you,” Davina said, catching up as I hurried toward my locker. “I’m thinking we find a new table. I don’t even like anyone who’s left. Well, besides you.”
“Yeah. Sometimes you have to know when to let things go.”
If only I’d learned that lesson sooner. But the promise of revenge got me through the weeks after the bridge and by the time school started again, I had some distance. If I hadn’t cared about getting even, I might not have taken the deal. Is your life worth so many others? It was too heavy a question to carry, so I set it aside and crammed it inside the metaphysical crate in my head.
“My mom said we can hang out, by the way. But she wants yours to call her, just to confirm we’ll have parental supervision.”