“Worth it, though, right?”
I smoothed my hands down my sides and thrilled at the way his green gaze followed the movement. “Definitely.”
“I’m glad you passed out. It’s pretty awful for people with a higher pain tolerance. They scream the whole time.”
“Which is why you bring them out here to the middle of nowhere.”
To my surprise, Kian shook his head. “I never bring clients here, Edie. There’s a soundproof room at headquarters set aside for this kind of thing.”
“But … I’m here.”
He ducked his head. The copper strands in his hair shone against the black, giving him a burnished look in the morning light. His thick tangle of lashes hid his devastating green eyes, but it was easier for me to ignore his beauty, knowing he’d broken the rules for me. I could look at him and see him. From certain angles, I could almost imagine what he’d looked like before someone set burning fingertips to his face and cut away the flaws. That mental image made him seem much more human, less the divine being who’d plucked me off the bridge. I preferred seeing him as a person, not a god.
His silence wasn’t an answer. “Kian. If this isn’t protocol, why am I here?”
“I was afraid the people at headquarters would freak you out.” By the way his eyes shifted away from mine, that wasn’t the whole truth.
“Bullshit.”
This time, he met my stare head on. “I wanted more time with you.”
“Is that allowed?”
“Not really.” He ran an agitated hand through his hair. “Just forget it, okay? And before you ask, no, I didn’t do anything weird to your unconscious body.”
“I wasn’t going to ask that.” I’d be sore in different places if he had, and while my muscles burned, there was no pain down below.
“So let’s get going.”
“Wait.” I moved toward him and put a hand on his arm. “Do you mean you like me? In a normal way. Nothing to do with deals or bargains or favors?”
He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. There are rules.”
“The answer matters to me.”
“For all the good it does either of us, yes, I do. I did before.” Bitterness colored his voice, his expression, and I didn’t understand why. He’d wished for the same thing. Why did he seem to mind changing me for the better?
“Nobody liked me before,” I said. “So thank you.”
He ignored my gratitude. Maybe I wouldn’t want it, either. I tried to put myself in his shoes. How would I feel about the people I met, who were so broken they had been ready to die when I stepped in? It wouldn’t be wise to get attached to somebody like that, I thought. Even worse, when you were that somebody. No wonder he’s pulling back, minimizing the mistake of showing this much favoritism. Whatever his motive, I appreciated that he hadn’t brought me to headquarters. Intuition told me I wasn’t ready to be thrown into the deep end, especially since I wasn’t a very good swimmer.
I got out my cell phone, checked the time, compared it with the East Coast, and decided it had been long enough to seem credible that my plane had landed. I texted, Safe and sound on the ground. Thanks for letting me do this.
My mom replied, We’re proud of you. Have fun, Edith.
In silence, Kian emptied my backpack and filled it with the things he’d gotten. “There’s a gift card in the front zip compartment. You’ll have time to buy more clothes before classes start in the morning.”
“Oh.” I tried not to sound disappointed. “You said we’d go, before.”
“Yeah, about that. It’s not a good idea. You don’t need me with you.”
But I want you there. I didn’t say it aloud. Ever fiber of me knew it was a bad idea to get attached to him. He was like a caseworker, almost.
“All right, thanks. I’ll register, drop my bag off at the dorm, and go shopping, I guess.” I couldn’t believe I’d just spoken those words voluntarily.
“You ready?” A figurative shutter came down in his expression; he was ready to get on with his work.
“Yep.”
There was nothing personal about his hand on mine, just a link required to port me on to the last leg in our journey. We emerged in a quiet corner of what must be the quad. A tangle of branches veiled the grass in filtered green light. Kian let go of me and pushed clear from the foliage.
He pointed, his tone all efficiency. “Registration is in that building. Head over and they can take it from here.”
“Can I call if I need you?”
“Of course,” he said gently. “But you won’t. You need to get used to your new look and develop the confidence to demolish the ass**les at Blackbriar, come fall.”
I took his point. If I called him constantly, that wasn’t self-assurance; psychology books would call it codependence. To hide my nervousness, I joked, “It’s also to keep my parents from having a heart attack. I hope the summer’s long enough for them to believe—”
“Don’t worry.” He softened a little. “Parents always want to believe their kids are beautiful. It won’t seem like a stretch when the time comes, I promise.”
“Then I guess that’s it.”
“Yeah. I won’t contact you until the summer program ends.”
“You better come then.” I tried for a playful tone. “You’re my ride home.”
“I’ll never let you down when you need me, Edie.” His tone seemed so somber for a sunny summer day, as if he saw dark things in the distance and me in the center of them.
“Then there’s one more thing before you go.” I couldn’t believe I was doing this, but the words wouldn’t stop. They came from a place of complete certainty.
“What?”
“Kiss me.”
I didn’t give a shit about rules. A girl only got one first, and I suspected it wouldn’t take me long to find somebody who wanted to be the one. But I deserved more than that for my first kiss. It had to be Kian—who said he liked me before—even though he wasn’t allowed to. I was willing to accept that it couldn’t go past this point.
“That’s a really bad idea,” he whispered.
“If you don’t want to…”
In answer, he stepped closer so I could smell his soap, just touch of citrus, and the warm, sunshiny scent of his skin. He dizzied me. Kian tangled his fingers in my hair and drew me to him with just enough hesitation to make me think he was nervous. That helped on my end, though I still couldn’t breathe right. His other hand rested on my hip. I didn’t know where to put my arms, if I should press close, stand super still, or—Oh God. It’s a good thing I asked him to do this.