Instead of focusing on the depressing realization that I wasn't going to prom, and wouldn't be doing any of the fun, girly things that went along with it, I forced myself to think positively. I was dating Calvin Versteeg. The love of my life. In the big scheme of things, what was one silly school dance?
It had been hours since Calvin kissed me good-bye after school, when we'd slipped into an empty classroom and made out until we heard the janitor pushing his cart down the hall. I bit my lip to suppress a smile. Calvin and I had known each other our whole lives. Hardly a day had passed that I hadn't seen him. He used to yank my ponytail and call me Britt the Brat. Now he ran his finger affectionately down my cheek when we talked, and he kissed me in stolen moments and forbidden encounters.
I had to admit, it was kind of exciting.
Sometimes.
And then there were the other times.
Like last week when Calvin's best friend, Dex Vega, caught us making out behind the baseball diamonds, long after the team had finished practice. I'd had my back pressed to the driver's-side door of Calvin's truck, and he was leaning in to me, leaving zero space between our bodies.
Dex gave us the standard "Get a room,” because he wasn't very creative. He ran track with Calvin and was great at hurdles. Not so great with everything else.
"Been there, done that,” Calvin told him, winking at me conspiratorially. I knew Cal wouldn't like it if I disputed this in front of his best friend, but we had not slept together.
Dex's eyes gave me a full-body rake. The way he grinned at me made me feel slimy. "Thought you didn't have a girlfriend, Versteeg."
Actually, he does, I wanted to say. I knew we'd agreed to keep our relationship quiet for now, but wasn't this the perfect opportunity to finally be open about it? Why did Calvin feel the need to lie to his best friend? Why was he asking me to lie to my best friend? Calvin had a reputation as a player who couldn't commit, and he'd never had a serious girlfriend, but this was different. I was different. He cared about me.
I was certain of it. I only wished I didn't sound like I was trying hard to convince myself.
"I don't,” Cal said.
They laughed, slugged each other affably, then exchanged a tricky handshake.
"Dude, your hair is sticking up everywhere,” Dex said.
Dex was right. I'd been mussing Calvin's thick brown hair, and the tips were pointing to the sky.
I thought Calvin would laugh it off, but he bent to look in the side mirror and said, "Damn, Britt, I have dinner with my parents after this." He tried ineffectively to smooth his hair down.
"So? You're going to shower before dinner, aren't you?" I said, growing tired of sitting quiet while Calvin and Dex made me feel invisible.
"You sound like my dad, always telling me what I should be doing next,” he complained. "Stick to kissing, will you? It's what you're good at." Dex snorted his amusement and sauntered off.
When Calvin and I were alone again, I said accusingly, "Why did you let Dex think we've had sex?"
"Because, babe,” he said, slinging his arm over my shoulder, "any day now we will."
"Oh, yeah? That's funny, because I want to wait. So when were you going to tell me?"
He laughed off my question, but I wasn't joking. I really did want to hear his answer.
"Tell Mr. Bagshawe he should cut me some slack on our next unit test if he doesn't want me to dish on your secret fornication,” Korbie snickered, pulling me out of the memory.
When I didn't answer, she added, "You're not offended, are you? You know I'm only kidding. I know you're not with Mr. Bagshawe. You'd never go out with a guy and not tell me."
Well, that did it. I made up my mind. No swimming tonight, I texted Calvin, hoping he didn't assume I was having my period. We'd been together for weeks, and I knew him in a way I'd never known another guy, but we weren't to the point where I wanted him bringing me ibuprofen and a heating pad for my cramps.
When am I gonna see you in a bikini? he texted back. One with strings I can undo . . .
When you come clean about us, I texted. My thumb hovered over the send button.
In the end, I deleted the text. I wasn't going to manipulate my boyfriend. I was seventeen now, above games.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
I did not know how long Mason walked with his arm under my shoulders, propping me up, urging me forward. As we plodded heavily downhill, looking for any refuge from the weather, I shook myself awake, realizing I must have been falling in and out of sleep for some time. Under other circumstances I would have recoiled from Mason, the idea of touching him repellent, but I was too exhausted to care.
He spoke in my ear. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was excited. I lifted my drooping eyelids, taking in the endless, swirling white landscape. He pointed toward something ahead. When I saw it too, my heart surged with joy.
We hobbled over to the fallen tree with its intricate network of roots now exposed aboveground. Clumps of frozen mud filled in the gaps, and the effect was something of a cave, a secret hideaway from the weather. Mason helped me crawl under the canopy of gnarled, twisted roots, then came in after me. Protected from the snow and wind, I felt the weight of hopelessness roll off my chest. The tree smelled of dirt and decay, but the place was dry. And compared to the buffeting winds outside, almost balmy.
Mason pulled off his gloves to blow on his hands and rub them briskly together. "How are your feet?"
"Wet." It was the lengthiest response I could manage. My teeth hurt from knocking together, and my lips had hardened into painful strips of ice.
He frowned. "I'm worried you could have frostbite. You should have-" He caught himself in mid-sentence, but I knew what he had meant to say. I should have taken the dry wool socks he'd offered when I'd had the chance.
I'd lost feeling in my feet. Even the uncomfortable tingling had gone away. It was hard to muster up concern over frostbite when I couldn't feel pain . . . and when I was so bone-weary that my brain couldn't grasp a single thought.
"Here, drink some water before you fall asleep,” Mason instructed, passing me a canteen.
I took a few sips, but my eyelids were already drifting downward. In that half-conscious moment, I felt my dad and Ian praying for me. They knew I was in trouble, and they were on their knees, asking God to strengthen me. A calm warmth spread through me and I exhaled softly.
Don't give up on me, I thought across the vast distance that separated us.
It was my last groggy thought before falling asleep.
When I woke, milky light streamed through the twisted mesh of roots above. Morning sunlight. I'd slept for hours. I felt Mason stir beside me, and realized with a start that I'd slept curled against his body. I scooted backward, and immediately regretted it as cold air swarmed to fill the void where our bodies h ad touched.