All this silence is fine with me, as I am as tired as I have ever been, and my backside is bruised from the day’s grueling ride.
when we finish our meal, the innkeeper returns and leads us up the narrow stairs to our rooms. My chamber is next to Duval’s, but after a quick search I find no connecting door, so I relax somewhat. even so, it takes longer than it should for me to fall asleep. I can feel Duval on the other side of the thick wall, the flame of his soul bright and steady and so very different from the sisters with whom I’ve shared my nights with for the last three years.
We are on the road the next morning before daybreak. Once we clear the town, we ride hard and do not stop until noon. In truth, I think Duval would gladly ride straight through, but the horses need the rest.
As do I. However, I will let him think it is the horses he is coddling, not me.
while he tends to them, I stretch my legs and try to work out the stiff muscles in my back. Once our mounts are watered and settled, Duval rifles through his saddlebag and pulls out a small bundle. He tucks it under his arm and comes to stand next to me in the small patch of sunlight I have found.
It galls me that I am painfully aware of every movement he makes, from shrugging his cloak over his shoulder to pulling off his worn leather gloves. His hands fascinate me, and I remember the feel of them against my waist, along my arms. I force my gaze away.
Unaware of the turmoil inside me, Duval unwraps the bundle, which turns out to be a wedge of hard cheese. He breaks it in half, then holds a piece out to me. "Eat.”
with a murmur of thanks, I take the cheese, hating that I must now rely upon him for food, just as I once relied upon my father and had thought to rely on Guillo. I am overcome by a childish desire to throw the cheese back at him and refuse to eat it. But I am no longer a child, and I have a responsibility to my convent, my saint, and my duchess. I take a bite of cheese and vow to arrange for my own provisions at the next inn.
The clearing is quiet except for the faint burbling of the brook the horses have drunk from. The silence feels thick and awkward to me, but any attempt to make small talk seems equally so. wondering if he feels it too, I sneak a glance in his direction and am appalled to find him watching me. we both wrench our eyes away, and even though I am no longer looking at him, every part of me is aware of his proximity, of the faint heat coming off his body in the damp autumn air, of the scent of leather and whatever soap he washed with that morning. I hate that I am conscious of him in this way and I dredge through my heart, trying to find where I’ve hidden all the resentment and suspicion I hold him in. "What did you want with Runnion back at the tavern?” The question springs from my lips, artless and unsubtle.
His forehead wrinkles in thought, as if he is weighing some thorny dilemma. when at last he speaks, it is only to ask a question of his own. "What do you know of the man you killed there?”
I blink in surprise. “It is not my place to know anything of those I kill. I merely carry out Mortain’s orders.”
“And that sits well with you? Not knowing who or why?”
It does, but his question makes me feel lack-witted for not knowing more, for not wanting to know more. “I do not expect you to understand the duty and obedience required of those who serve Mortain,” I say, my voice prim and pinched.
“How does the convent decide whom to kill?” he presses.
I study his face closely, but I cannot tell if he is questioning the convent or just me. “Surely that is the convent’s business, milord, not yours.”
“If I will be sponsoring you at court, I will not be kept in the dark, only to find myself cleaning up bodies and making explanations.”
I raise my chin in annoyance, for in my mind that is exactly the role I have assigned to him. “The abbess will communicate with me through letters, and sometimes — sometimes the saint makes His wishes clear to me directly.”
“How?” His question is sharp, urgent. He is hungry to understand this puzzle.
I shrug and try to regain control of this conversation. "What does this have to do with Runnion?”
He is silent for a long minute, so long I think he will not answer. when he does, I wish that he had not. “Doesn’t it worry you, that you understand nothing of how they make their decisions? what if they make a mistake?”
“A mistake?” My cheeks grow hot at the suggestion. “I do not see how they can, milord, since their hand is guided by the saint Himself. Indeed, to suggest such a thing reeks of blasphemy to me.”
“It is not the saint I doubt, demoiselle, only the humans who interpret His wishes. In my experience, humans are all too fallible.” He is silent again briefly, but his next words cause the cheese I have eaten to curdle in my stomach. “Runnion was working for the duchess.”
“No! He was a traitor! I saw the marque on him myself.”
Duval jerks his head around to stare at me, eyes sharp with interest. “The mark of a traitor, demoiselle? what does that look like?”
even as I reel from this revelation, I realize how neatly he has tricked me into divulging more than I intended. “That is not something I can share with you.”
“I seem to recall your abbess speaking to us both of cooperation.”
“In worldly matters, yes, but she said nothing of betraying the sanctity of our rituals.” I look pointedly at the silver leaf on his cloak. "Would you share with me the rites of Saint Camulos?”
He ignores that question, for he knows I am right. “Your abbess’s definition of cooperation differs greatly from mine,” he mutters. “Consider this. Runnion had betrayed the duke three years ago, during the Mad war, but he had come to regret that action. In truth, he wished to make amends for his betrayal. That was how he came to work for us, as a means of earning his way back into his country’s good graces.”
I feel as if I have been turned to stone by one of Saint Arduinna’s arrows. “You lie.”
“No, I do not.” He looks me square in the eye and what I see there looks disturbingly like truth. “Perhaps, demoiselle, your saint is more complex than your convent would have you believe. Now come, I think the horses have rested enough.”
Chapter Thirteen
Duval’s revelation about Runnion plagues me for the rest of the afternoon. If Runnion was truly innocent, why did the convent send me to kill him? Had they not known of his work for the duchess? Or do they know something Duval does not?
And if Runnion was working for the duchess, why had he borne the marque? why had Mortain not removed that stain from the man’s soul?