Oh well, she told herself, trying to be positive. Her marriage wasn’t perfect, but things could be a lot worse. She’d known when she said “I do” that Conner didn’t love her. Had she really expected that to change?
Deep down, she must have, she realized. She’d probably been trying to live the “happily ever after” fairy tale every woman dreams about. But Conner made a poor Prince Charming. He was good in bed, but Delaney was learning that she needed more.
In any case, Rebecca would go to the doctor’s with her. And maybe while they were in Boise, they’d find a good price on a car seat at some secondhand store.
Bending over her work, she managed to finish the row she was working on before the screen door swung open again and Rebecca strode into the yard. Sundance and Champ barked and wagged their tails, and Rebecca patted heads and rubbed ears and let the dogs lick her fingers. But when she turned to Delaney, her usual smile was strained, and it struck Delaney that her friend had lost weight.
“Are you feeling okay?” she asked.
“Sure. Why?”
“Something’s wrong. What is it?”
“Nothing,” she said impatiently, her initial smile replaced by a look of irritation.
“Rebecca—”
“I haven’t been sleeping well, that’s all.” She shrugged.
“Why?”
“Come on, let’s plant,” Rebecca said. “I brought some watermelon seeds. Late summer isn’t anything if there’s no watermelon.”
Delaney used the shovel at her side to help her stand. “Is it Buddy? Are you two having problems?”
“Not exactly,” Rebecca said.
“Then, what exactly is it?”
“He wants to postpone the wedding again.”
“Why?”
“He said his mother wants to attend. She lives in Georgia and can’t come until August.”
“But that’s a good thing, right?”
“I don’t know. I think he’s scared.”
“Wouldn’t he tell you if he was scared? Maybe he just wants his mother there, like he said.”
“Maybe.” Rebecca pulled a small bag of seeds from her pocket and tore open the top. “Do you really think we can grow these things from scratch? I mean, maybe I should’ve bought little seedlings we could transplant, so they’d have a better chance of surviving.”
Delaney propped her hands on her hips. “The seeds will work just fine. Quit trying to change the subject.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” Rebecca snapped. “You’re miserable out here, yet you won’t ever talk about that. Why should I spill my guts?”
Delaney blinked in surprise. “I’m not miserable. I love the ranch. And I’m excited about the baby.”
“That might be true, but something’s making you unhappy.”
Delaney opened her mouth to deny it, then changed her mind. What was the use? Rebecca knew her too well. “My husband ignores me all day. He’s generally polite when I see him—if he acknowledges me. And he’s great in bed. But he doesn’t care about me enough to seek my opinion on anything. He doesn’t trust me enough to let me help him. He never needs me except for a little warmth at night. And he won’t take two hours off work to come to the doctor with me. Is that what you want to hear?”
Rebecca’s eyes narrowed at this revelation, and she began to scan the surrounding hills, as though she’d take Conner on right now if she could find him. “I’m going to have a talk with him.”
“No, you’re not. That’s precisely why I’ve kept my feelings to myself. I don’t want him to start being solicitous because he feels he isn’t measuring up. I think he’s busy trying to prove something to himself right now, though I’m not really sure what that is. Anyway, he has pretty big plans for the ranch, and I want to give him the space he needs to succeed. And if he ever comes to care about me, I want him to do it on his own, okay? Love isn’t something we can force.”
Rebecca tapped her foot, obviously thinking this over, but not making any promises.
“Tell me you’ll leave him alone and you won’t say anything,” Delaney insisted.
“Oh, all right. If that’s what you want. For now,” she relented.
“That’s what I want.” Delaney wiped the perspiration from her forehead and let herself out the makeshift gate. Then she pulled Rebecca down next to her on the back steps. “Have you ever thought that maybe you and Buddy aren’t really right for each other?” she asked.
“What? We’re in love. Of course we’re right for each other.” She thrust a hand through her hair—hair she’d bleached blond for the summer and cut into a messy style reminiscent of Meg Ryan’s. It suited her much better than the red ever did, made her look younger, more carefree, and highlighted the fine bone structure of her face. “I’m out of here in two months.”
Delaney gathered the folds of her loose cotton dress around her ankles. “See? You’re ‘out of here in two months.’ That’s what has me worried. Is Buddy the man of your dreams, or a ticket out?”
Rebecca scratched Sundance, who immediately laid his large head in her lap and gave a few grateful whines. “He’s both.”
Delaney tried to read Rebecca’s face while fending off Champ. Was she right to push this subject? Maybe it was none of her business. Maybe she needed to let Rebecca make her own choices.
“Well, two months aren’t going to make much difference in the long run, then, is it?” she said.
Rebecca lowered her forehead to meet Sundance’s. “Just as long as he doesn’t put it off again.”
CONNER STARED at his sleeping wife. Sometimes she was simply too beautiful to touch. He’d stand in the shadows of the room and watch her sleep, and think about the way she welcomed him into her arms every night, how she’d smile and press his hand to her belly when their child moved, how good she smelled when she cuddled up to him—and he wished he could breach the barrier between them.
But something inside made him hold back, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t let go.
Part of it was fear. If he loved Delaney as much as he knew he could, he’d have even more to lose than the ranch, and the voice in his head told him he’d already risked enough. He’d probably fail and she’d leave him, anyway. Why up the ante? And yet, for the first time in Conner’s life, happiness seemed so close. If only he could…