“If they do, it’s okay,” she lied. “You know why?”
Rebecca didn’t answer, but her eyes betrayed her interest.
“Because this baby was my decision,” she went on. “I let you push and prod, but deep down, I wanted to go to Conner’s room or I wouldn’t have done it. It’s that simple. So, for better or worse, I have only myself to blame, and I’m willing to accept the responsibility.”
As the worry in Rebecca’s eyes began to clear, Delaney thought of the Assertiveness Evaluation she’d recently taken. Question: When you do something stupid, do you a) blame the person who talked you into it, b) smack the person who talked you into it, or c) take responsibility for your actions?
Delaney smiled. She’d just chosen c. Maybe she was becoming more assertive, after all.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“HOLD HIM DOWN, Dwight,” Jonathan whispered, his mouth so close to Conner’s ear that he could feel the air stir. “And cover his mouth or he’ll start crying for his mama like the big baby he is.”
Conner knew what was coming, but he wasn’t even tempted to cry out. He knew that would only heighten his uncles’ anger, make them more determined to get even with him later. He hadn’t bothered to summon help in over two years, since he was seven. The fighting between him and his uncles upset his mother too much, made her cry, and his grandfather was never around long enough to do anything about it. But Jonathan and his brothers always said that bit about crying like a baby. And they said a lot of other things, too.
As Dwight pinned Conner’s hands above his head on the floor of his bedroom, Conner heard Stephen laugh. “Come on, rape baby. You think you can get away? You think you can take the three of us?” he taunted. Only he didn’t come too close. The last time he’d called Conner “rape baby,” Conner had managed to squeeze out from under Dwight and bloody his nose, even though Stephen was four years older than he was.
But Dwight was prepared for him this time. And Jonathan was helping out, anchoring his feet. “Kick him, Steve,” he told his younger brother. “Kick the stupid rape baby. He thinks he’s got as much right to live here as we do.”
Conner winced at the explosion of pain in his ribs and began to fight in earnest. He knew the whole episode would end much more quickly if he remained inert and let his uncles have their fun, but he’d never been able to do that. The anger inside him was too great. Scorching hot, it seemed to erupt like a volcano. And then he was suddenly free of Dwight’s and Jonathan’s grips and swinging and swinging. But he couldn’t hit anything….
Conner woke in a tangle of sheets, drenched in sweat and, at first, didn’t know where he was. The Bahamas? Hawaii? Europe? He loved spending his uncles’ inheritance, loved knowing how much it bothered them that he was out playing while they were back in Napa, working for their father and trying to make good. Maybe he was a rape baby. But because of that, his grandfather gave him certain latitude the others didn’t get. And Conner was determined to ram it right down their throats.
He blinked at the ceiling, the modest furnishings in the room, the bronze sculpture of a horse and rider on the bureau, the dogs, who’d taken to sleeping in his room. He wasn’t in the Bahamas. He wasn’t even in California. He was in Nowhere, USA, where his past had finally caught up with him and the pain he’d felt in his dream was only the soreness of his muscles from having worked all day. Over the past few weeks, he’d tossed bale after bale of hay to hungry cattle. He’d sat a horse in the bitter dawn, hunched against a chill wind, and helped move the herd closer to the streams and creeks that weren’t frozen over. He’d gone out searching for strays, the snow falling so thick he could hardly see Ray’s horse in front of him. He’d even learned to shoe horses and run a small tractor. Then, after spending his daylight hours outside, he’d used the evenings to work on the computer or the telephone, looking for information that might lead to possible salvation for the ranch, a fourth-quarter, come-from-behind victory.
But he hadn’t found anything very promising, and on quiet, lonely nights like this, the old nightmares mingled with memories and crowded in, as though they were conspiring to tell him that Dwight, Jonathan and Stephen would eventually win.
Slugging his pillow, Conner groaned and rolled over to face the window, listening to the wind and to the leafless trees outside clawing at the glass. He felt like he was one of those trees, as if Dwight, Jonathan and Stephen were tugging and pulling at him, trying to uproot him and blow him away….
Don’t think about it, he told himself. Give it a break.
Closing his eyes, he forced all thought of the ranch, his grandfather, his mother, his uncles, his past—everything—from his mind and rejoiced in the only positive thing that had happened to him since he’d arrived in Idaho. Delaney. Now, that had been a night in a million. She might not have given him her number, but she’d left him plenty to remember her by, and thinking about her never failed to put a smile on his face.
But she wasn’t the only woman in Idaho, right? Now that he’d spent some time learning his way around the ranch, he needed to get out and start meeting people. Surely Dundee had a singles scene that was at least mildly entertaining.
He finally drifted off to a more peaceful sleep, dreaming that Delaney was suddenly in his arms, once again a warm and willing partner. But when Conner opened his eyes in the morning, he realized dreaming wasn’t enough. He didn’t want another woman. He wanted Delaney. At least, he wanted the chance to get to know her, to be with her again. Which meant the only thing he could do was go to Jerome to find her.
THE NOTICE, WHEN IT CAME, looked innocent enough. It was just bad timing that Aunt Millie happened to call the moment Delaney slid the typewritten page out of its envelope.
“Oh, no!” she said as she read the two short paragraphs written on the city’s embossed stationery. Her involuntary cry interrupted Aunt Millie, who was asking whether or not Delaney wanted to participate in her Bonco group this month.
“What it is, dear?”
“The city finally has the funds to remodel the library and expand the book collection,” she said.
“That’s good, isn’t it? You’ve been wanting to expand the book collection for a long time.”
“But they can’t do it right now!”
“Why not?”
Delaney sank into a kitchen chair, feeling numb and even a little frightened. “Because on April fifteenth, they’re closing it down for three whole months. And they’re putting me on half pay.” Half pay—when she needed to be saving as much money as she could for the baby…