Levi had no interest in his food. How would he get it down now that he’d ordered it? “And? Is she? Okay, I mean?”
A distant smile curved Leo’s lips as he nodded. “She’s beautiful. Looks exactly like you. Just graduated from Oregon State in advertising and marketing.”
The urge to deck his father came out of nowhere, proving that the anger was still there, lurking beneath everything else.
Purposely shifting his gaze to the dark wood paneling and lighted beer signs surrounding them, Levi told himself to calm down. His father had cost him a lot—a normal childhood, a relationship with his mother and sister, a sense of home and belonging. But there was nothing to be done about that now. Life was what it was. “Where’s Mom? Did you hire a P.I. to find her, too?”
“No. And Ellen wouldn’t tell me much. Shelly still wants nothing to do with me.”
“Does that surprise you?” Levi asked with a bitter laugh.
He winced. “No.”
Levi scratched his arms. Due to the healing process, they were always itching. “She remarried?”
“Your mother? Yes.”
“Does she have other kids?”
“Two, according to Ellen.”
Levi supposed Shelly deserved another family. It wasn’t her fault she’d married the wrong guy the first time around. But as defensive of her as he felt, Levi couldn’t help resenting the fact that she’d abandoned him. “Good for her.”
“You’ve had no contact with her?”
“None.” He drank some of his shake. “And I don’t want any. What about Ellen? She married?”
“No. Got a boyfriend, though.”
“And you?”
“I was married to one of my students, for a brief time.”
This didn’t surprise Levi. There was always a woman in Leo’s life—but never one who stayed very long. “You mean since I was here last?”
“Yes.”
“You said was married.”
He shrugged. “She left a month ago.”
In and out. There’d be a new girlfriend tomorrow. “Another failed relationship.”
“I don’t pretend to be easy to get along with, Levi,” he said. “But right now I have one thing going for me.”
From what Levi could tell, he had a business that was marginally successful and that was it. “The dojo and those damn trophies in the case?”
“No. This lunch.”
“This lunch doesn’t mean shit,” Levi said.
“It’s what I’ve been praying for.”
Levi couldn’t imagine that. “Why?”
“Because it gives me the chance to plead with you to get your life in order. Stop running. Turn yourself in. Pay the price it’s going to take to wipe away the past and build a decent future.”
“And you feel you have the right to say this to me? Why?”
“I know I’ve screwed up. So do yourself a favor and live your life better than I’ve lived mine.”
Levi thought of Callie. If she were healthy, he’d have the incentive to do whatever he had to. But without her...there didn’t seem to be much point.
“I’ll keep that advice in mind.”
Their meals came. Levi picked at his food. Leo didn’t even pretend to eat. His gaze never moved from Levi.
“What?” Levi snapped, uncomfortable at his father’s unrelenting attention.
“I’ve missed you,” Leo said, his voice cracking. “You may not think I care about you, but I do.”
Levi couldn’t cope with all the contradictions. Maybe his father loved him, but he loved himself far more. That seemed to be a common theme with both parents. He could say the same about his mother. “I don’t want to talk about whether or not you love me.”
His father sighed. “Then why’d you come?”
Levi chuckled without mirth. “I don’t even know.” He’d certainly fought the impulse. There just didn’t seem to be anywhere else to go.
Leo grasped his arm. “Stay in Portland.”
After he’d spent the past eight years trying to get away? “Why would I do that?” The hamburger was tasteless in his mouth.
“You could become my partner at the dojo. Teach. It’ll keep you in martial arts, which you love. And you can live with me until you get on your feet.”
Levi stuck a French fry in his mouth. “I don’t need your help.”
“Then what will you do? You’re not going back into the army.”
“No.” Definitely not. He wasn’t sure what to do next. He’d thought he’d stumbled on a place he could call home when he found Whiskey Creek. But without Callie it wouldn’t be any different from all the other towns he’d passed through.
“So what, then?” Leo asked.
Levi worked to swallow what was in his mouth. “There’re still a lot of places I’d like to see.”
His father frowned but said nothing.
“You don’t approve?”
The effort Leo was making to be pleasant fell away like scaffolding. “I want more for you than rambling around like...like some vagrant.”
Levi shoved his plate into the center of the table. “You need to start living your own dreams.”
His father sat without responding for several seconds. Then he said, “At least I have dreams,” and tossed some money on the table before walking out.
* * *
Leo’s words echoed in Levi’s mind as he drove along Oregon’s Pacific Coast Highway. With his bike thrumming beneath him, giving him a greater sense of freedom than he’d ever experienced with any car, he’d drive around a curve and suddenly pop out of the cool shade of some giant trees to see the ocean in full sunlight. The waves would be slamming against black, craggy rocks, mist flying high in the air. The scenery was breathtaking, but didn’t have the same soothing effect it usually did.
At least I have dreams....
That was true. Leo had sacrificed everything for his dreams, had even tried to make Levi the vehicle of bringing those dreams to life.
But that didn’t mean striving to achieve something wasn’t important.
So forget Leo and what he had or hadn’t done, Levi told himself. His father had made his choices. What did he want?
It used to be escape. To show his father that he would not be controlled. But now? Leo had lost all the power he’d once possessed. Their visit a few hours ago made that clear. The only thing Levi had to fear was his own bad choices and limitations. So why wasn’t he creating a better life? Because of Leo?