He was dark tan in color and his blue eyes looked subdued. They had lost their usual sparkle, that playful glint that had had all the girls and teachers captivated. He was wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a white tee shirt and I thought to myself that I had never seen such a great outfit on a guy. But I guessed that was because this was Bryce.
He frowned at me one more time, before turning back around, and I averted my gaze and turned back to Anna.
“So I guess he’s really back, huh?” She smiled at me while studying my face. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Of course. I’m fine,” I lied to Anna. I was disappointed. I had hoped, no matter what I had said to Anna, that Bryce would have somehow known that the letters were from me. That he would have figured it out. That when he saw me, something would have clicked in him and he would have known. That I was the girl he had exchanged letters with for two years. The girl he had said helped him get through the war; who he owed his life to.
I wished he had known it was me; I wished that he had come running up to me and gathered me into his arms and plastered me with kisses. That had been my dream ever since we had stopped writing. Well, ever since I had stopped writing. And this was why. Because I knew that, to me, his letters had meant the world. But to him—to him, I was nothing but a random girl with a PO Box who had decided to start writing a soldier.
“Lexi, are you okay?” Anna reached over the table and grasped my hand.
“Yes, of course.” I smiled at her, tightly, blinking away the tears in my eyes that wanted to fall.
“You didn’t expect him to come over and say hi did you, Lex?” Anna looked at me with wide, worried eyes.
“No.” I lied as I studied her face hard.
“Lexi!” Anna bit her lip and I smiled at her, softly. She knew me too well. I studied her face to stop thinking about Bryce and my disappointment. She was really quite pretty, in a demure way. She had shoulder length brown hair and light brown eyes, with a spattering of freckles across her cheeks. She was average height and build and, while some people may say she had an average look, I only saw her as beautiful. She was one of those girls who would be beautiful if she wore some makeup and better fitting clothes. But she just didn’t care about that stuff.
“It’s okay.” I couldn’t stop myself from looking at Bryce again and saw him walking towards Anna and I. My breath caught in my mouth as I wondered if he was coming to talk to us. Were my dreams about to come true?
“Lexi, stop staring,” Anna hissed. But I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t drag my eyes away from him. My eyes were hungry to take in his appearance. This was the face I had dreamt about for years.
“Hi.” He smiled and nodded at me as he walked past our table and I thought I was going to die, or faint. Neither of those things ended up happening but I felt a surge of electricity run through me. Every nerve in my body was excited and on edge.
“Hi.” My voice squeaked as I answered him, but he had already passed our table. I turned to look at Anna and she stared back at me with a gob smacked look on her face.
“He said hi,” she squealed. “He said hi.”
“Anna, I think I am going to throw up.” I pressed the bottle of ketchup that was on the table to my forehead and closed my eyes to replay the scene in my head. Bryce Evans had smiled and said hi to me. I wasn’t sure if he recognized me from high school or if he had some karmic intuition that told him who I was. All I knew was that I wasn’t invisible anymore.
“We have to go.” Anna jumped up and dropped $10 on the table. “Pay me back later, Lexi.” She pulled my arm up and we ran out of the restaurant and into the parking lot. I ran to my car with my arms in the air and screamed with excitement. I screamed so loudly that I could see an elderly couple across the street looking at me with concern, but I didn’t care. I suddenly felt alive and hopeful. Maybe I did have a chance with Bryce. Maybe, just maybe, I could become the girl everyone wanted to be. The girl I wanted to be.
Chapter 2
I couldn’t look up from the steering wheel. Not even when I heard the screams of some silly schoolgirl. I knew I should look up to see if everything was okay, but I couldn’t. The sweat from my forehead dripped onto the leather wheel. My hands felt clammy. I knew I was having a panic attack.
I breathed in and out, like the doctor had told me to do. Everything would be okay. I just needed to focus. It was strange being back in Jonesville. It was like going back to watch an old movie from childhood. On first appearance, everything was similar and the same and then, the more you observed and listened, the more you wondered if you had ever really seen the movie before.
My dad had been happy to see me home. It was an election year and I was going to be a great boost to his campaign. He had already asked me to attend some town hall meetings with him. He wanted everyone to see that his son had returned from war, from serving his country. And, of course, they would all come, because they loved me. I was Bryce Evans, football star, and son of the mayor. I could do no wrong in anyone’s eyes. I truly was the golden boy—or so they thought. They had no idea that, behind my blue eyes and blond hair, I was someone no one really knew. That behind my handsome face, there was a man who was ashamed of so many things.
After a few minutes, I lifted my head and sat upright in my car. I looked around it with a quick smile. It was as I remembered it—musty, cool, secretive. Dad had given me this Mustang when I got my driver’s license. I had lost my virginity in this car. I had smoked my first joint in this car. And I had turned down a full ride to Notre Dame in this car. Sometimes I felt like this car was my home.
I was glad to see that Dad hadn’t sold it when I went away. He had been so mad at me, so distraught that I had turned down a full ride and a spot on the football team at Notre Dame to join the Marines. He couldn’t believe that I was one of the few, the proud, the brave, and the courageous. No one had understood why I had made the decision. But maybe that was because I had never told anyone why.
I suppose it was because it was a decision I had never thought I was going to make. I had pretty much had my bags packed for Notre Dame until that night. I had had my life outlined, mapped in my head. I knew who I was, where I was going and I didn’t care who got caught up in my web. I was the golden boy to everyone in Jonesville, but I had had a dark side.
I suppose it was inevitable that someone like me, who had been given so much, would turn out the way that I did. At least, that was what the doctor had said. But at least I had realized the path I was on before it was too late. That night I made a decision that changed my life. I had to.