“Well, not literally.” He grinned.
“You know.” I smiled back. “When he asked me to dance, I thought to myself, wow, Eddie has noticed me. Maybe he likes me. And he took me outside and I went willingly.” I paused. “And he kissed me, and it was nice. Weird, but nice. But then he pushed me down. And I told him no. And he wouldn’t stop, he ripped my dress up and—”
“—I’m so sorry, Lexi.” Bryce’s eyes filled with tears and I was surprised at how much he really seemed to care about what happened.
“It’s not your fault.” I smiled at him, sweetly. “You are my savior.”
“No, I’m not.” His voice sounded anguished. “Please stop saying that, Lexi.”
“I don’t understand why you...” My voice trailed off as he jumped up.
I jumped up after him and stood still as he paced up and down, muttering. “Are you okay, Bryce?”
“I’m not okay!” he shouted, loudly. “I am not f**king okay.”
I stood there in shock. I had never heard him sound so angry. I was scared and turned on all at the same time. He looked gorgeous, his blond hair was luminated by the moon and the silhouette of his face was reminiscent of a Roman God. Bryce Evans was a demi-God in my eyes. He could do no wrong and all I wanted was for him to look at me, just once, with lust or love in his eyes.
“My best friend is dead.” He turned around and looked at me. “My best friend in the world is dead and I miss the shit out of him.” I stared at him in shock as tears ran down his eyes. I’d never seen a guy cry before. It was awe-inspiring and weird and crazy and I felt a million emotions that I had never felt before.
“Do you know how shitty I feel, Lexi? I hate him for trying to rape you. I hate him. But then I hate myself for not being there for him. How low did he have to be to kill himself?”
“It’s not your fault, Bryce. You didn’t put the gun in his hands,” I said, softly.
“It’s my fault, Lexi.” He looked anguished and put his head in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably. “I was his best friend and I turned my back on him.”
“Because he tried to do a bad thing, Bryce.”
“But it was my fault, it was my fault,” he sobbed and I walked over to him and hugged him. It wasn’t a conscious decision of mine to make but, as I held him in my arms, I knew it was the right step to make.
“It’s okay, Bryce.”
“If he would have hurt you, I would have killed him,” he sobbed. “But then he went and killed himself.”
“I’m so sorry, Bryce.” And I was. Eddie didn’t deserve to die. Maybe all he had needed was some help.
“It should have been me,” he sobbed into my shoulder.
“Don’t say that, Bryce.” My voice was shrill and scared. “Please.”
“You knew that my dad was sleeping with your mom?” He looked up at me with questioning eyes. I just nodded my head, sadly.
“I’m sorry.” I looked down, ashamed of myself and my mother.
“She wasn’t the first,” he sighed. “I didn’t know that.”
“That doesn’t surprise me.”
“They’re over now?” He looked at me, questiongly.
“Yes, they have been for years.” I looked away, hoping he wouldn’t continue his questions about our parents.
“I didn’t know.” He took a long, deep breath and leaned towards me. “I want us to be honest about everything, Lexi. I think we owe each other that.”
And then I did the only thing I could think of to do, to get him to stop talking. I leaned over and kissed him. I felt his arms pull me in closer to him and I closed my eyes as I sunk into him. He smelled like the grass: earthy, green, and pure and, as we kissed, I felt my insides melting. His lips were soft and luscious and they tasted like mint. I felt his tongue slide into my mouth and I wanted to pinch myself because I wanted to make sure that the moment was real. But I couldn’t enjoy every moment of it, because I knew that the only reason I had had the courage to kiss him was because I couldn’t let him know the truth. I had to keep it a secret.
Chapter 10
Lexi’s lips were soft to the touch. She kissed me passionately and sweetly and I couldn’t stop myself from responding. I sighed inside, but this felt so right. She felt so right. This beautiful young girl was trusting herself to me. She had watched me cry and go crazy and yet she was still here with me. She had seen that golden boy Bryce Evans was far from the perfect man that everyone in Jonesville thought I was. And she was still here. I wanted to pull away; I wanted to tell her the truth about that night. But something in me rebelled; something in me didn’t want to take the chance of telling her the truth.
This beautiful, wonderful woman was interested in me. I could see it in her eyes. You didn’t get to be as popular as I was without knowing when a girl was interested in you. She was different and she was innocent and I wanted to get to know her better. I didn’t want to ruin that chance by telling her. I knew I was being selfish and it made me cringe inside. I didn’t want to be that selfish person anymore, but I knew that she was the only person I could talk to. She was the only person I had ever met who really seemed to listen and care about what I had to say. Her eyes didn’t glaze over like she was bored. She seemed to really care.
I’d never felt like a girl really got me and cared before. I didn’t want to lose that. Not now. Not when everything else in my life was so bad. I was going to tell her. I promised myself that. I was going to tell her eventually. I just needed to find the right time. I just needed to find the right words to say what I needed to say.
As we kissed, I felt her pressed against me and my hands worked up her back. I wanted to slip my hands under her shirt and pull of her bra. I wanted to feel her br**sts in my hands. It had been so long since I had been with a woman. So long since I had had this primal urge to be intimate. But I held back. I didn’t want to scare her. Not after everything that had happened. I felt her hands in my hair, pulling me closer towards her. Crushing me closer and I pulled her down to the ground with me.
We lay on the grass, kissing, and then she rolled over on top of me. I groaned as she straddled me and I felt all my nerve endings coming alive. I wanted her. I wanted her with a passion. And I knew that now was not the time. Not like this and not now. I pushed her off of me and pulled back from her embrace and I sighed at the sad look in her eyes.