“He’s not that bad.”
“I’m not going to discuss it again. I’ve told you and Jared already. We don’t mess with Joey and his boys.”
“Okay, okay.”
“You wanna go over this math now or what?” I opened the book back up, and as far as I was concerned, the subject was closed.
***
I heard Vinny and Jared snoring as I walked to the bathroom. The TV was still blaring downstairs; it sounded as if my dad was watching Jerry Springer. I checked my watch and realized it was four a.m. It was more likely that he had fallen asleep on the couch with the TV on. I ran down the stairs so I could turn it off, but saw that he was sitting on the couch wide-eyed and staring, as if in a trance.
“Dad?” I walked into the room hesitantly. “You okay?”
“Just getting ready for the day.” He looked up at me, but I couldn’t tell if his eyes were really focused.
“You want me to help you up to your room?”
“I was just watching TV.” He blinked at me and rubbed his eyes. “There was a lady that looked like your mom.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, same blond hair.” He stared at me. “You’re the only one who looks like her.”
“I know. People always wonder if I’m really Vinny and Jared’s brother,” I joked about their dark hair and features. They took after my dad.
“She had such long blonde hair,” he continued. “She was the love of my life.”
“And you were hers.” I gave him a wide smile. I knew the routine by now. We’d had this conversation hundreds of times since she had died.
“I failed her.” He shook his head. “She should still be here.”
“I know.”
“They f**king killed her.”
“I know.” I sighed and rubbed my eyes, wanting to go back to sleep.
“Have you ever been in love, son?” His words sounded coherent and lucid and I looked up and saw the very real question in his eyes.
“No.” I shook my head. Love was for fools. I was many things, but I wasn’t a fool.
“I never wanted to fall in love,” he laughed. “It just kinda hit me, like a deer in the night. Your mother was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about her.”
“And she couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
“No.” He shook his head. “She couldn’t. She loved me when she shouldn’t have. But she couldn’t help herself.”
“Yeah, some women are crazy.” I shook my head, and an image of Maddie crossed my mind. “Some women are mad.” I laughed at my joke, and looked up to see my father staring at me curiously.
“You’ve met someone?” He leaned forward and a beer can fell to the ground. I watched in dismay as the liquid seeped into the already-dirty, tattered, stained brown carpet.
“No.” I shook my head vehemently.
“You’ve met someone.” He laughed and sat back, his beer belly showing as his T-shirt rode up. “Who is she?”
“No one,” I answered quickly, my heart beating fast. I was scared that he would figure it out. That somehow he would be able to read my mind and know.
“Must be someone special.”
“She’s not special,” I retorted and then realized my mistake. “There’s no one.”
He peered up at me and gave me a sweet smile, a smile that almost reminded me of the man he had been when I was a child. The man my mother had fallen in love with had been a fun, handsome, wonderful man. And then the smile turned into a bitter look and he pointed at me. “You better not f**k around and let this chick take your mind off of what’s important.”
“There is no chick.” I stepped back, not wanting to get into it tonight.
“I told you, women ain’t shit. You got a family to take care of. Me and your brothers need you.”
“I know.”
“Go and get me another beer.”
“It’s late.”
“Who you talking to like that?” He made to get up, and as I stared at his slovenly body, a shudder of distaste ran through me. How I hated this man who was supposed to be my father. It didn’t matter that there were moments of sorrow and sympathy and that there were glimpses of the man he used to be. All he was now was a sorry old drunk. I just wanted to walk out the door and never come back. How I hated this place, this town, this house, my life. But it was all I knew. And all I could do, or try to do, was help Vincent and Jared achieve their dreams so they weren’t stuck in this shithole forever, like I was.
“I’m going out.” I looked at my father, who had fallen back against the couch, and I walked to the kitchen quickly and grabbed the keys to the Corolla. It wasn’t smart for me to take this car. It had likely been reported as stolen already, and the police would be sure to be on the lookout. I got all the way to the car before I stopped myself. I couldn’t take the Corolla. I would have to borrow Vincent’s Mustang. I knew he would be pissed, and I knew I just didn’t care. I ran back in, grabbed his keys, and headed back out and started the engine.
This 1977 red Mustang was Vincent’s pride and joy. He had restored it himself and paid for all the parts with money he had made delivering pizza in high school. Most people couldn’t believe it when Vincent got the job. They assumed he would just follow in my footsteps and be a thief, but I had made him get the job. If he wanted a legitimate car, he had to buy it with legitimate money. The cops were all over us as it was; there was no way he could drive a few weeks in his own car without having a money trail.
I started the engine and listened to it purr before quickly reversing off of the overgrown grass that made up our front yard. I revved the engine and peeled off down the road, rolling the windows down so I could feel the cold fresh air on my face. I didn’t know where I was going and it didn’t even matter. I just needed to be out of the house before I did something I would regret.
It had been a long night, and I felt anxious and angry. I hadn’t felt this bad since my mom had died. I was so unsure and screwed up. And it wasn’t because of my dad. It was because of Maddie: stupid, beautiful, wild and crazy Maddie. I didn’t want to think about her, but the memory of her begging me to take her kept playing in my mind like some broken record. The feel of her skin next to mine, so soft and supple, aching for my touch, aroused my thoughts, and an image of her vivid blue-purple eyes flashed in my mind. My God, she was beautiful. Perhaps one of the most beautiful women I had ever met. And definitely the most unique. She was definitely a woman who was there to be admired and taken notice of, and she knew it. She was under my skin, she was in my skin, and I wanted to rip her out of me. I’d only known her one day—not even a day. One night. One night and already she was causing confusion in my life. And she was the enemy.