“Who was that?” I asked her curiously.
“Oh, no one.” She looked at me with a quick smile, as her face turned red. “Someone about a class I wanted to take at UCLA.”
“I see.” I didn’t push the conversation, even though I was sure she was lying.
“I’m super hungry.” Lucky changed the subject. “I could eat about ten pancakes.” She laughed and Zane joined and laughed with her. I was about to say something else when Robin whispered in my ear. “I’d rather be eating big Noah.”
I turned to her with a shocked expression and she grinned at me. “Maybe I’ll get to eat him tonight.”
Chapter 12
“Zane, why did Mom leave?” I whispered into the darkness of his room as I opened the door.
“I’m sleeping, Noah. Go to bed.”
“Okay.” I continued my walk into his room and sat down on his bed. “I was thinking she might be lost.”
Zane remained silent and rolled over away from me, so I grabbed his shoulder and shook it excitedly. “I was thinking that maybe we should draw a map so she can find her way home again.”
“Noah, if she can’t find us, how are we going to give her a map?”
“We can post them in the grocery stores and on street lamps. We can put one on every corner.”
“She’s not going to see them and that’s not going to work.” Zane sat up and turned on his nightlight. “Just go to bed, Noah.”
“I don’t want to go to bed.” I shook my head and snuggled in next to him. “And the maps will work. Those posters work to find missing kids, why can’t it work to find Mom?”
“Mom isn’t a missing kid,” he sighed, exasperated.
“But she’s lost and wants to come home.” I whispered tightly. “We need to do everything that we can.”
“I’m too tired to draw.” He reached over and turned the light off. “You can sleep in my room tonight, but you have to be quiet.”
“If I went missing, would you draw a map for me?” I whispered out aloud to the ceiling. “Would you look for me or would you go to sleep?”
There was more silence, and for a moment I thought Zane had fallen asleep. I felt sad and cold and I wanted to cry.
“Noah,” Zane finally spoke and he turned around to face me. “If you went missing, I would search heaven and earth to find you. You’re my brother. I will always be here to protect you and to love you. There is nowhere you could go and nothing you could do to stop me from loving you and being here for you. Absolutely nothing. If you went missing, my life would never be the same and I’d have to go missing as well, just so I could have a chance to find you.”
“You can’t go missing as well. What if I come back home?” I said matter-of-factly. “You have to be there to greet me.”
“I’ll always be here for you, Noah. I will always do everything in my power to make sure you are okay. If I sense anything is wrong, I will fix it.”
“What if I don’t tell you and I keep it to myself?” I said wide-eyed, deliriously happy that Zane was taking so much time to talk to me and show me how much he loved me.
“I will always know, Noah. Even if you keep it to yourself. I will always know when something is wrong. And I will always do whatever I can to make that situation right.”
“You’re like a magician” I yawned and snuggled under the duvet. “My very own magician brother.”
“Sleep tight, Noah,” he whispered. “I’ll never let the bed bugs bite you.”
“Did you have any foster brothers and sisters that you were close to?” I sat on Robin’s cream couch as she poured two glasses of a bottle of Riesling for us. This was the second night I was spending at Robin’s and I felt sad that it was likely the last night that either of us would have together.
“I had three sisters and three brothers.” She handed me a glass and smiled. “However, they are all a lot older than me, so I’m not really close with any of them.”
“It must have been hard growing up in foster care.” I gave her a smile as she sat next to me. “Not really knowing where you came from and all that.”
“It’s hard.” She nodded at me. “Some days, I just want to know what they looked like. What they did, why they gave me up. But then some days, I’m glad I don’t know, because what if it was bad? I don’t want to carry that burden with me.”
“That makes sense,” I agreed. “I was really worried about how Zane would feel about his birthmother’s death. I was scared he would carry that burden and guilt forever.”
“You guys are really close, aren’t you?” She took a sip of wine and sat back. “It must be nice to have someone you’re that close to.”
“He’s my best friend and my big brother. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.”
“Asides from tell him you’re going to fake your own death.” She teased me and I gave her a wry smile.
“Yeah, asides from that, I guess.”
“Wasn’t it hard keeping it a secret? I’m not judging you, but how could you do that?” She looked at me with wonder in her eyes. “Personally, if you had been my brother, I’m not sure I would have ever forgiven you. I hate being lied to, especially by the people closest to me.”
“It was for my brother’s safety.” I started and she shook her head.
“That’s bullshit.” She took a sip of wine. “No offence, but you do realize that’s bull. He’s your brother and from what I know of him, he seems like a pretty great and trustworthy guy. You should have told him.”
“Sometimes you have to lie to the ones you love to protect them.” I gave her an earnest look as I said the statement Special Agent Waldron had instilled in me. “Sometimes the ones you love are better off not knowing the truth.”
“What malarkey is that?” She shook her head vehemently. “You should never lie to the ones you love. What sort of foundation is that for a relationship built on love and honesty?”
“Sometimes you can’t tell people everything.” I shrugged and took a deep gulp of wine. I was starting to feel claustrophobic and I didn’t know how much longer I could continue in this conversation.
“I don’t agree.” Robin looked upset and jumped up. “Do you want anything to eat? I have some turkey slices and some grapes.”