“I didn’t mean to be rude to you back there, Lucky.” Zane started talking slowly as he drove. “You know I think you’re special. I’m just not one of those guys that likes being questioned.”
“I understand,” I mumbled, continuing to stare out of the window.
“I met Angelique through my brother, Noah. We have a special relationship.” His voice was soft.
“Does she know I’m staying with you?”
“I don’t answer to anyone, Lucky. I thought you understood that.”
“Do you love her?”
“I don’t do love.” He sighed. “If you don’t think you can handle an unconventional relationship, we should end this now, Lucky.”
“End what?” My voice rose. “You mean, we should stop f**king?”
“If you aren’t able to separate sex from a commitment, then maybe we should.” His voice was gruff. “I know you haven’t been in a relationship in a while and I understand if you can’t do this.”
“Do what?” I laughed lightly, trying to hide the pain from my voice.
“I know it’s hard for girls to sleep with a guy and not develop feelings, but I thought after our conversation that you knew the deal.”
“I do know the deal.”
“I don’t want to argue with you, Lucky. I’ve enjoyed two week so far, but I’m not going to put up with you trying to go down the relationship and jealousy road.”
“What jealousy?” I said, feeling mortified. “I was just asking you a few questions. It’s not a huge deal, Zane. What’s your f**king problem?” I started shouting. “Why is everything a secret? Shit, we’ve all got issues. We’ve all been hurt. Deal with it. Okay? Just deal with it.”
“Calm down.” Zane’s voice became cold. “Take a deep breath and calm down. We are going to pull up to Mr. Johnson’s house in a few minutes. I don’t want him seeing you look like a shrew.”
“I don’t look like a shrew,” I screamed at him angrily. I was upset that he had turned it all around on me and hadn’t addressed my questions.
“Do you have the questions ready you are going to ask him?” He changed the subject. “We’ll need accurate dates and names from him. Write down every detail. We should also confirm when he is available for us to come back with cameras.”
“So we’re not going to talk about it anymore?”
“Lucky, you have a decision to make.” He looked at me briefly, and I quickly averted my eyes from his gaze.
“I have a decision?” I laughed sarcastically. “I don’t think this is about me.”
“If this is too hard for you, we don’t have to continue.” His voice was soft as he pulled up in the driveway. “I don’t want to hurt you.” I felt his arm on my shoulder and I continued staring out the window. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and my head was starting to pound.
“Lucky, look at me please.”
“What?” I turned to face him, and I was surprised by the hurt in his expression.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He sighed and rubbed his forehead. I was starting to realize that was his tell sign for when he was feeling stressed out. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”
“Maybe it wasn’t.” I replied slowly, and sighed.
“I like you a lot, Lucky.” His words were slow. “I love waking up to you in the morning. I love spending time with you. I love talking to you about history and movies.”
But you’re not in love with me. I stared at him and studied the cut of his jaw. It was so square and sharp. His face was so classically handsome. I thought he could have been a chiseled statue of a Roman God. He was so hard and unflinching. To some he would also appear uncaring, but I knew that he was not at all what he appeared to be. Inside, he was one of the most caring and wonderful men I have ever met.
“Are you going to answer me, Lucky?”
“Let’s go inside.” I took off my seatbelt and opened the car door. I was not willing to have this conversation now. I needed time to think. I knew that I should just tell him it was over, but there was a part of me that loathed the thought of saying the words. I didn’t want to give him up already. He had already wormed his way into my life, and I didn’t want to let that feeling go.
“Okay, let’s go and see Mr. Johnson.” He nodded at me as he closed his car and walked towards the front door. I followed him in silence, hoping that I would not start crying during the interview.
***
“Thanks for allowing us the opportunity to do a pre-interview with you, Mr. Johnson.” Zane shook the elderly man’s hand, and I nodded my affirmation.
“No problem.” The man ushered us in to his house. “We’ll sit in the kitchen if you don’t mind. My wife has made some tea and cookies.”
“That sounds great. Thank you.” I beamed.
“No problem. We are happy to have visitors.” He chuckled. “My Betty and I don’t know many people here in California.”
“You moved from Chicago, right?” I smiled, trying to impress him with my knowledge.
“Yes.” He shivered. “We moved to get away from the cold.”
“Sidney’s arthritis couldn’t take the winter’s anymore.” An elderly lady came up to me and gave me a hug. “Hello, my dear. I’m Betty Johnson, Sidney’s wife.”
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Johnson.” I gave her a big, genuine smile, happy to forget about my conversation with Zane for a while.
“No problem. Sidney and I were happy to hear that a documentary was going to be made about residential segregation. You don’t hear much about it these days.”
“That’s why it’s so important for us to make this documentary,” Zane interjected.
“Well, what do you want to know?” Sidney Johnson smiled.
“Everything.” I laughed.
“Lucky’s a history major, with a focus on the Civil Rights Movement.” Zane explained. “She’s also my assistant.”
“Oh, so then you know some of what happened then?” Sidney looked at me with kind brown eyes. I grinned back at him and thought of my father. They had the same aura to them, and in some inexplicable way, I felt a certain connection to this elderly African American man.
“I’d like to hear about it from your perspective.” I looked at Zane and he nodded. “I had some questions, but I thought maybe you could just sort of run through your experience first?”