My voice lowered to a hush, I tell her, “I don’t feel much like talking to him right now.”
She sits by me in silence, her mere presence a pillar of support I hadn’t know I needed, this woman I don’t even know. “You know, when we were younger, my Stan had a knack for saying things in anger. Things he didn’t mean, but things that hurt me regardless.”
I use my sleeve to wipe at my face, and ask, “What did you do?”
She smiles at me, her eyes full of wisdom. “I forgave him. Every time.”
My nose bunches. “I don’t know if I could do that.”
She shrugs lightly. “You ever said something you wish you didn’t? Something that hurt someone without meaning to?”
Had I? Yes, I had. More than once. I nod, and she asks, “How did it make you feel?”
“Like shit,” I whisper.
She puffs out a small laugh. “Exactly. Now, if your beau, Max, your sugar rush, is feeling like that right now, would you want to make him feel worse about it?”
I shake my head. “Now I’m not saying to run at him with open arms, honey.” She winks, the string of pearls around her neck gleaming in the sunlight. “Nothing wrong with a little guilt trip. Sometimes, silence is the best punishment a woman can show a man.”
A cab pulls up in front of the house and we both stand. I turn to her. “Are you and Stan still together?”
“In my heart, yes.” She smiles sadly. “He passed nine months ago and I miss him dearly.” A sincere look crosses her face. “And I’d give anything to hear his voice again, even if it were those hurtful words, because I’d forgive him again, and again, and again. I guess you could say that Stan was my very own sugar rush.”
A wise woman. I hold out my hand. “I’m Helena.”
She smiles sweetly, placing a gentle hand in my own. “I’m Martha Mae. But, please, call me Mae.”
I squeeze her hand. “Thank you for the talk.”
As I walk over to the cab, she calls out, “Helena, love isn’t proud.” When I turn, she adds with a light tilt of her head, “Sometimes, you have to put away your pride for the sake of love. But those times, with the right person, are completely worth it. Remember that, honey.”
Smiling gently, I step into the cab and relay the address of my apartment. When the cab takes off, Mae waves, smiling back at me. I take in the words of the intelligent woman.
“Love isn’t proud.”
***
Max
Nik stares at me hard, his jaw ticking. “Maddy? As in Ceecee’s mom. That Maddy?”
I nod, nursing my beer. I lift it to my lips and utter, “The very same,” before I sip. When I wasn’t able to get ahold of Helena, I asked Ceecee if she wanted to go play with the girls. Of course, I had ulterior motives. I needed to talk to my brother. I needed advice, and if anyone knows better about how to fix what you’ve fucked up, it’s Nik.
As Tina, Ceecee, and the little ones laze around on the sofas, watching a kid’s movie, Nik and I sit on the back patio, away from little ears. My brother narrows his brows at me. “Why are you so calm about this?”
I’m not calm. I’m hurting, real bad, but not as much as I imagine Helena is. “Ceecee met her mom. It’s done. The bitch doesn’t want anything to do with her. I’d bet her family doesn’t even know about Ceecee.” I shake my head. “She was distraught, man. Never seen my baby so upset before.”
He sips his beer. “I can imagine. I’d have lost my shit.”
“I did,” I admit. “I said some pretty fuckin’ nasty things to Helena.” I turn to see Nik watching me closely. I utter, “I fucked up.”
Nik smirks. “Welcome to the club. I was wondering when you’d join us.”
I glare at him. “Not funny, dude.”
His smile falls. “You’re right; it isn’t, but it’s probably not that bad. What did you say to her?”
I breathe deeply, and exhale slowly. “That dating her was a mistake. That she wasn’t Ceecee’s mom. That she had no right to do things she didn’t even do.” I pause a second before I tell him, “She told me she loves me, man. Just last night.”
Nik remains silent, and I know it’s bad. If it weren’t, he would be teasing me. His non-response tells me how serious this is. How badly I fucked up. After a while, he asks, “You call her?”
I scoff. “Only thirty times.”
“You text her?”
“I am not apologizing to her over a fuckin’ text.” I sip my beer and mutter, “She deserves better than that.”
“You go over there?”
I shake my head. “Got Ash to make sure she got home okay.” I tap the side of the bottle. “After he threatened to cut my balls off and feed ‘em to me, he called later and said she got home around two. That was a couple of hours after she left.”
Nik narrows his eyes at me. “You love her?”
No hesitation. “With all my heart.”
He sits up in his chair. “Then why are you here, moping around like a fucking pussy?”
I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. I try again and hate the weak state of my voice, “Because I don’t know how to fix this. What if she doesn’t forgive me?”
“Women like Helena don’t need grand gestures. I know, because she’s more like Tina than she is like Nat. You want to know how you fix this?” I look up at him and nod once. He rolls his eyes. “You get off your ass, go over there, and make a fuckin’ effort.”
My gut clenches. “I don’t know.”
Nik states, “I do.” He pushes at my shoulder, jolting me. “You gonna let her go without a fight?”
Fuck no.
I know what I have to do. Not saying another word, I stand and stride over to the door.
Nik calls out, “’Atta boy, Max. Go get her.”
***
Helena
“Don’t wanna be…all by myself…” Here it comes. The big one. Mouth full of ice cream, I belt out a garbled, “Anymooorrrrreeee.”
My phone chirps. Nat calling. I slide the screen and answer around my ice cream, “Yeah, what?”
Her small chuckle sounds in my ear as she whispers, “Dude, the walls are super thin.”
Oh. Seems my private performance has unknowingly become a concert. Eyes wide, I whisper back, “Oh. Right. Noted.”
The amusement now gone from her voice, she asks a careful, “You okay, ho-bag?”