“You’re kidding me.”
“Didn’t touch her feed and is walkin’ in circles in the stall.”
“Hell. Better call her owner. Is Johnson around?”
“He’s in the ring on Juggernaut. He’ll be done in a few.”
“When he dismounts, tell him I need to talk with him. If Beauty’s down for the count, we’re going to have to change the hacking schedule this afternoon.”
“Will do, boss.”
“Thanks.”
When the door shut, A.J. swiveled around and looked out of a window, seeing bare trees. Winter had arrived. There was frost on the ground when she came into work in the morning and she’d started wearing her parka around the stables. They were also using the indoor ring for training all the time.
Deciding to go find Johnson herself, she got out of her chair and pulled her coat on. With her cast, dressing was an awkward process and she didn’t seem to be getting any better at it. Over the past four weeks, she’d learned to hate the plaster deadweight and couldn’t wait to get rid of the thing. More than being a physical nuisance, it reminded her of things she couldn’t bear to think about.
Her hand was on the doorknob when another knock rang out.
“Johnson, Beauty’s off the hack schedule today….”
As she opened the door, her breath caught in her throat.
“Devlin.”
She thought he had to be a dream.
During the first weeks of their separation, she’d looked for him in every knock, every phone ring, every truck that pulled up to the stables. The letdowns had tortured her until finally, very recently, she’d given up. The loss of hope had been a terrible blow but at least she didn’t feel the agony of rejection every moment of every day.
When she blinked and he was still standing in front of her, she asked, “What are you doing here?”
Devlin didn’t answer her right away. Instead, she felt his eyes going over her as if he were memorizing her features.
“I hear you’re selling Sabbath.”
“I am.”
“Why?”
“I don’t ride anymore and he deserves to keep jumping.”
“Why are you quitting?”
“Did you come over here just to interrogate me?”
She was praying the answer was no.
His response was a long time in coming.
“I came to change your mind because it’s a waste of talent for you not to be in the ring. Now that I’m here, though…there seems like so much more to say.”
A.J. motioned for him to enter. She shut the door.
“Nice office,” he said.
As Devlin looked around, she watched him with greed while she waited for him to speak. He carried himself in that way she found so attractive and she noticed he’d just had a haircut. Remembering what it felt like to run her hands deep into those dark waves hurt so much, she had to close her eyes against the pain.
“How’s the arm?” he asked.
“Healing well.”
“Any reason you can’t ride when the cast comes off?”
“No, but it doesn’t matter.” She went around her desk. Sat in the chair. Fiddled with a pen to keep from telling him she loved him.
“How long until it’s off?”
Frustration got the better of her.
“Look, Devlin, I’m not sure why you came but if you don’t get to the point, I’m going to start screaming. It hurts too much to be in the same room with you and I’d just as soon get through this. Are you opening a door by showing up here or throwing more dirt on a grave?”
He turned slowly toward her.
“Competing was everything to you and now you’re quitting. Why?”
“You can’t compete without the burn.”
“All your dreams—”
Pain made her lash out.
“What do you want? To hear how losing you has made me despise the sport I loved and everything I wanted to prove about myself through it? That I bitterly regret not telling you about this stupid arm? That I wish I could do the whole thing over again? Those things are all true, but I’m not inclined to run through the particulars, if you don’t mind. I miss you. I wish you were still in my life but I’m moving on. Because that’s all I can do.” She shook her head sadly. “Look, I think you should go.”
But Devlin didn’t leave. He stood there, looking deeply into her eyes, his expression melting into a mixture of tension and grief. Her heart began to pound as she watched the change.
And then he came around to her. When he held his hand out, she looked at it curiously, unable to grapple with the gesture. Then he reached down and took her in an embrace, his arms wrapping around her and reminding her of a haven she missed so much. To feel his broad shoulders against her cheek, to smell the tang of his aftershave, to sense the strength in his body, it all overwhelmed her. Holding herself stiffly, she prayed she wouldn’t break down and thought it was grossly unfair of him to get close. She tried to push him away.
“You’ve already ended things once,” A.J. said in a broken voice. “Don’t ask me to go through it again.”
He mumbled something and held her tighter.
“Let me go.”
“I can’t,” he said clearly.
A.J.’s heart stopped as she wondered if she’d heard him right. “What?”
“I can’t let go. I can’t let you go.”
Fear and happiness warred inside of her. She was desperate to believe him. Terrified of being hurt more.
“Oh, God, I’ve missed you,” Devlin said against her hair. “Trying to stay away has been unbearable. You’ve been in my dreams so I can’t sleep. Everywhere I look around my house, I see your shadow. I put my stables on the market because the only way I could go on not seeing you was to move away.” His laugh was strained. “Although I’m realizing now I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”
She forcibly pulled back. “Devlin, what exactly are you saying? I—I’m not strong enough to read between the lines. It hurts too much.”
“When I read the newspaper this morning, I couldn’t believe it. I know how much competing means to you, and suddenly, you’re walking away? I was stunned. I thought I was coming over to change your mind but now I realize it was just a pretext.” He reached out and took her hands in his. “After I learned that you’d kept your injury a secret from me, I was pissed, especially because you’d been hurt because of it. It made me wonder what else you were keeping from me. I felt like I didn’t know what I could trust about you. Or us. For chrissakes, why didn’t you just tell me how much you were hurting?”