Lost to his torment, Devlin was mumbling incoherently and she reached for him, calling out his name. As soon as her hands touched his arm, his eyes snapped open as if he’d been struck. Disoriented, he struggled to get up but the bedclothes clung to the sweat covering his skin. She leaned forward to help free him, trying to ignore the way his bare body was revealed to her.
With a flash of movement, he gripped her arms, looking at her urgently while seeing something else.
“I knew there was something wrong with her leg,” he said urgently.
His voice held the anguish of regret, and the feeling sounded fresh despite being tied to events nearly a year old.
“It was my fault. I should never have taken her over those fences.”
Tentatively, A.J. reached up and stroked his hair but she didn’t know what good it was going to do to calm him. He was lost to his memories, stuck in the prison of his mind.
His hazel eyes, usually so sharp, were like dull stones as he shook his head back and forth. “If only I hadn’t pushed so hard…”
“Shhh,” she said in a gentle voice. “Take a couple of deep breaths.”
With the abrupt clarity of light slicing through darkness, he focused on her. Under his sudden regard, A.J. felt like she’d been caught eavesdropping on his pain and began to pull away, aware that he was naked in the knotted sheets.
Devlin didn’t let her go.
He moved with decisive speed, pulling her to him and claiming her mouth with a vengeance. A.J. was rocked by the sensation of his body against hers and reacted instinctively, opening her mouth to him. But, as his tongue plunged inside, the voice of reason in her head sounded off alarms. He was still disoriented and very naked and she knew coming together in the darkness, in his bed, was like tossing a match into a gas tank. Enticed as she was, she began to move away, trying to do the right thing.
She didn’t get far. When his arms tightened against her back in protest, she tried one more time and then gave up her halfhearted battle, getting swept away by their passion.
Letting herself go, A.J. kissed him back wholeheartedly, unleashing her desire and digging her nails into his bare shoulders. As their tongues dueled, her heart pounded and a feverish heat made her dizzy. She felt her legs move of their own accord. They parted and she straddled the hard length of him, the sheets and her boxers flimsy barriers between his throbbing length and her hot core. As her body took over, conscious thought was pushed into a dim corner, nothing more than debris.
She didn’t miss sensibility in the slightest.
As his hands went under her T-shirt, A.J. felt his touch over her skin. He lingered on her ribs, squeezing into the bones, and then came forward, sweeping up under her br**sts. When she felt the tips of his fingers caress their tender undersides, she moaned against his mouth. Urgently, his hands swept upward and encased her, his thumbs stroking her peaked ni**les until she thought she would go insane with hunger.
In a flash, the world tilted and spun as Devlin rolled her over, and then she felt his lips through the thin cotton of her shirt. She looked down and watched as his tongue licked over her breast, seeking a hard nub. As he kissed her, her shirt grew wet above the nipple, clinging to her skin, magnifying the sensation. Her body arched against him and she threw her head back with a moan. Taking advantage of the soaring movement, he wrenched the shirt up to her neck. As she felt his breath on her bare skin, she cried out and drew up her knees. His hips pushed into her, seeking her heat. When his mouth covered her nipple, she felt a warm, moist tug that was her undoing.
“Devlin!” she called out.
The sound of his name stopped him.
He froze and lifted his head and she became aware of their heavy breathing filling the room. She waited, praying he would continue.
But, with the same staccato change that marked his abrupt embrace, he separated them, leaving her to feel the cold of his withdrawal and her embarrassment. His retreat was like having the gates of paradise shut against her with most of her body jammed in the door. Shame flooded A.J.’s face as she left the bed and it only got worse when Devlin started to apologize. The regret in his voice stung as badly as her own mortification.
“I’m sorry,” he said while pulling bedsheets over to cover himself. “I didn’t mean—”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s best to just forget this happened.”
He swore softly. “But—”
“Please, don’t say anything.”
Face burning, she left without another word.
In the quiet night, she could hear the muted sound of his curses as she fled down the stairs.
As the light of dawn pierced a thin veil of early-morning fog, Devlin got out of bed. Not that he’d been sleeping. And not that he had anything to do at that ungodly hour, either. All he had was hope that shifting to the vertical would mean gravity could take a shot at clearing his head. God knew, he’d failed at the effort while lying on his back.
Dressing quickly, he crept down the stairs and stood in the living room doorway. A.J. was asleep, an arm cast over her eyes to block out the light. The makeshift bed was a hodgepodge of sheets and blankets, a sign she’d tossed and turned during the night, too.
At least she was sleeping now, he thought, remembering how he’d spent the night propped up against his headboard, staring off into space. Thinking about them.
Still baffled by his own murky motivations, he couldn’t explain why he’d reached for her. Well, he knew why on one level and that level was rising again as he recalled how she’d felt against him. What he didn’t understand, and couldn’t really forgive, was why he’d given in to his desire after they’d both agreed their relationship would be only a professional one. Blaming his lapse on coming out of the familiar nightmare didn’t really hold water. He hadn’t been thinking about the past when he’d pulled her to him. He’d been very much in the present.
And look what his impulse had gotten him. Another regret, something else he wished he could undo. It wasn’t that he mourned for one instant the feel of her under him. Hell, he’d keep that with him until the day they put him in the ground.
What bothered him was the look on her face as she’d turned to go. It was too full of embarrassment and shame for him to stomach. He was the one who should have to bear that burden, not she. He was the one who’d put their working relationship on a level it shouldn’t be on. He’d kissed her first. He was the one who’d pushed the boundaries. Several times.
A.J. stirred and he retreated to the kitchen, going straight to the phone. He felt the need to do something reasonable, to make a difference that made some sense. Even though it was just past five o’clock, he dialed a familiar number.