“I’m not as devious as you make me seem, Sam. I was aware of the interest in you.”
“And you saw an opportunity.”
He was beautiful. Too beautiful. Too perfect. Long, silver hair. Shoulders as wide as Kingsley’s. A faint, silvery glow surrounding him. When I’d first met him, he had glowed more. His luster was wearing off, the further he dropped.
“I am not evil, Sam.”
“Never said you were. But if I had to guess, you’ve inched a little closer to the dark side since last we spoke.”
“There is no dark side, Sam. It is the same side, Sam. We are all from God. We are all one.”
“Fine, whatever. Tell me, what the fuck are you doing with my son?”
“I’m protecting him, Sam.”
I nearly snorted. “What do you mean?”
“Think back, Sam. Back to when you saved your boy by turning him into something he wasn’t, something immortal—”
It hit me suddenly. “He lost his own guardian angel.”
“Indeed, Sam.”
“But...” I wanted to refute his statement. I wanted to tell him this was all ridiculous. That guardian angels weren’t real. That those were fairy tales that mothers told their children to give them comfort at night.
Except.
Except that I was standing next to such a creature. A beautiful creature, at that. And what, exactly, were guardian angels? How did they work? Who assigned them? How did they know when to protect you...and when not to protect you? Obviously, there were a lot of people getting hurt and killed in this world. Were all the guardian angels derelict in their duties?
“All good questions, Sam.”
“Either someone starts answering,” I said. “Or I’m going to start knocking some heads.”
Ishmael gave me a rare smile. His mannerisms and gestures were...off. He was not used to holding a normal conversation. I suspected most of his existence had been spent observing humans, but rarely participating, rarely interacting. The truth was, I didn’t know the extent of his abilities. He had told me he could save me from my vampirism. I wondered if that were true. There was so much I didn’t know about him.
“You have lots of questions, Samantha. Perhaps we should start small.”
“Perhaps you should start by telling me why you’re interested in my son.”
He didn’t answer immediately. Not because he was gathering his thoughts, or trying to determine how much to tell me, or not tell me. No, he didn’t answer me immediately because he was staring at me, through me. Deep into me.
So weird, I thought.
Finally, after an uncomfortable silence, he said, “I made an egregious mistake that night, Sam. I could have saved you. I could have directed you to go elsewhere.”
“Directed me how?”
“With an impulse, with a call from a friend, with a feeling of uncertainty. I could have done something, anything, to save you from what was coming. From what I knew was waiting for you.”
“But you didn’t,” I said, knowing the answer, of course. Knowing it all too well.
“I knew my bond would be broken with you. My covenant, if you will.”
“And so you allowed me to be attacked.”
“Yes, Sam. I did it—”
“I know why you did it,” I said. “You’ve told me before. Now I want to know why other guardians for other people sit back and watch their own charges be harmed. Why? I understand you made a choice to allow me to be forever changed. But why are others doing this? Why are others allowing their humans to be harmed? Why, dammit?”
“The reasons, Samantha, are far-reaching and complicated and involve universal laws of attraction and karma, all wrapped around past lives and previous agreements.”
“Agreements?”
“Yes, Sam. Believe it or not, there are some who have an agreement to kill another. Just as there are some who have an agreement to love another, or to raise another, or to help another.”
“I don’t believe it,” I said. “I just...no, that’s crazy talk.”
“Perhaps, Sam. But it’s true.”
“Fucking nuts, if you ask me.”
“I agree. But I did not create the world, Sam, or its rules. I only tried to uphold them.”
“And failed miserably,” I added.
He gazed at me for a long time. “Yes, Samantha. If you choose to see it that way. Yes, I failed you.”
“So, I wasn’t supposed to be changed that night? I had no past agreement with this vampire who changed me?”
“No, Samantha. You were to be diverted that night. I was to save you.”
“Then fuck you.”
He looked pained, which was a rarity for him, too. In fact, any expression of emotion was a rarity for him. Ishmael the Angel was not big on emoting. I didn’t think he had much use, in fact, for expressions. Any work he’d done had been from the spiritual realm, the spiritual levels, out of sight and out of mind of mankind.
I wasn’t sure where Ishmael ranked in the grand scheme of things. I wasn’t sure how he filled his days and nights, where he lived, who he hung out with, or who he watched over. I didn’t know if there were, say, angel bars where he knocked back some drinks with friends during their down times. I wasn’t sure where in the world he lived. This world, the next world, a world in-between?
“A lot of questions, Samantha Moon,” he said, reading my mind. “But just know that I am not very different from you. I am a creature of the same Source, the same God. We all are. I wasn’t created to evolve. I was created to help.”
“But you didn’t help,” I said. “At least, not me.”
“No, Sam. I also wasn’t created to love. Not in human terms. Not in romantic terms. But I do. I love you.”
I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know what to say. These days, Ishmael rarely made an appearance, although I would sometimes catch him watching me from afar. That he had turned his attention to my son was news to me. But not surprisingly so. He could exist in a realm beyond even my eyes, so he could literally be anywhere.
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
“It’s you,” I said suddenly. “It’s you who is giving my son his great strength.”
The angel cocked his head to one side. “Yes, Sam.”
“So, his strength is not from some latent...” I couldn’t find the right words. I was so flabbergasted, frazzled, all the “f” words.
“The latent effect of the vampirism? No, Sam. Those effects departed the moment he was rendered back into a human. Just as his own guardian angel was released the moment he was turned into a vampire.”