I knew I was still sitting on the boulder overlooking the desert, but I also knew that something very, very strange was happening to me.
The strangeness boiled down to a feeling. I felt unhinged, disconnected from my body. I knew I was sitting cross-legged on the hard surface, but I felt as if I were somewhere else, too. Not necessarily above my body. Somewhere else. Where, exactly, I didn't know. As I thought about this, I suddenly felt a jolting wave of dizziness.
Ground yourself, Sam, said the voice.
I knew something about grounding, having done it back when I was doing the automatic writing. Quickly, I imagined three silver ropes, attached to my ankles and lower spine, reaching all the way down into the earth - down, down - all the way to the center of the earth, where they fastened themselves around three massive boulders. Grounded. To the very earth itself.
Very good, Sam.
Instantly, the feeling of separateness ceased. I was back in my body. Although my eyes were still closed, I began seeing light appear at the peripherals of my vision. The light continued filling my head, growing steadily brighter, so bright that I was suddenly sure it wasn't coming from inside my mind after all. Surely it was coming from somewhere beyond me. Above me. Around me. Within me. From everywhere.
And from within that light I saw a vague shape materialize. A woman. A glowing woman. Her face and body remained indistinct.
Baby steps, Samantha. I'll reveal more later. Once you've gotten the hang of this.
Hang of what?
Speaking to me.
Who are you?
Everything and nothing.
I don't understand.
You will. In time.
The light coalesced into a room made of crystal. Now the burning white light shone brightly beyond, refracting through the crystal, exploding, washing over me. For the first time in a long, long time, I didn't shrink from the light.
Where am I?
The woman stepped closer to me. She was, in fact, a lovely older woman. Roundish. Happy, smiling face. Pink cheeks. She looked like anyone's kind grandmother. Serenity surrounded her, radiated from her.
You are in a safe place, Samantha.
What's happening to me?
You've bypassed the physical world and entered into the spiritual.
But I'm still sitting here on the ledge.
Yes, Sam. The spiritual is never very far away. In fact, it's closer than most people think.
I don't understand.
You will. In time.
You keep saying that.
Because it keeps being true.
So I'm in the physical, but also in the spiritual? I'm in both places?
You are more than your physical body, Sam. The body is the physical receptacle of the soul.
Except my body can't die.
Not anymore. Not in the traditional sense.
Then I'm a freak.
You are the result of entities long ago attempting a shortcut, entities who lived in fear.
Lived in fear of what?
Dying. Their creation - the vampire - lives on to this day, as do similar creations.
I never asked for this.
Not overtly, Sam.
What does that mean?
It means that, on some level, you did ask for this. On some level you did ask to become more than you were, stronger than you were, faster than you were, braver than you were.
And this is the answer? To turn me into a ghoul?
It was an answer. An answer that you would accept.
But I'm living a nightmare.
You are choosing to live a nightmare, Samantha Moon. Choose differently.
I grew silent, fully aware that I was still sitting on the boulder overlooking the desert, but also aware that my mind - or spirit - was in this crystal room. I'm certain the sensation would have disoriented me, if not for the grounding done earlier. The woman moved a little closer, her hands clasped before her. She seemed content to watch me sweetly, lovingly.
Who are you? I asked, thinking the words. And please, no cryptic answers.
Now the woman in front of me disappeared. So did the crystal room. I was given a view of the universe, which spread before me in every direction. I sensed everything, saw everything, felt everything. I also sensed a glorious presence that infused everything, a presence from which all things were born.
Is that you? The thing that which is in all things? Everywhere and nowhere?
A good way of looking at things, Sam.
But, then, why are you talking to me?
As I thought those words, I was once again back in the crystal room. I sensed that if I would open my physical eyes, all of this would disappear and I would be back on the boulder, alone in the desert, and no doubt wondering if I had dreamed all of this. So, I kept my eyes closed. Yes, tightly closed.
Because you are seeking answers, child. I have the answers.
To everything?
In a word: Yes.
I let that sink in. Beyond the crystal walls, the shining white light seemed to grow in intensity, its radiance reaching through the walls and through me, too. My body felt cleansed. My body felt light. There was no judgment in this light. It just was. Pure and perfect and eternal.
The smiling woman before me cocked her head to one side. You are here for a specific reason, Sam.
I am.
Tell me what's on your heart.
I thought of my son, of his increasing strength. What would happen to him? What other vampiric attributes would he take on? I thought of this and more, as fear and uncertainly coursed through me. As these thoughts filled my head, the light wavered along the peripheral of my vision. The woman in front of me faded, too. She nodded, and I knew she knew my thoughts.
Release the fear, Sam.
But I...can't. He's my son. I'm so scared.
More darkness encroached and the light beyond dimmed.
She gripped my hands even tighter. What do you want, Sam?
I want my son to have a normal life.
Then proclaim it. State it. Feel it. Believe it. Do not grovel for it. Do not beg for it. Instead...be it.
But something's happening to him.
Yes.
Something that I did to him.
She nodded and held my hands, and for now, the darkness that had been encroaching along the edge of my vision seemed to pause, although it was still there. Seemingly waiting.
Find the good in all things, Sam. Find the beauty. And you will find peace and joy.
But my son...he's so different now.
We are all different, Sam. And we are all the same. Love who he is. Teach him who he is. Believe in who he is.
And who is he?
A magnificent being, as are you.
I held back the tears. I held back a strong urge to let out a choking cry. It had been so long since someone had spoken to me in such kind, loving words. Since someone had given me such pure, unconditional love.
But will he be okay?
With his mother's love, he can be anything. Show him love and strength, Sam. Not fear and worry.
I nodded. The darkness began retreating, and as I lifted my head and opened my heart, the darkness disappeared completely. The woman came toward me and took my hands. She smiled at me comfortingly and lovingly.