Only, damn it, he knew that if he did that, if he wrapped Chloe up tight and made sure everything was soft and easy for her from here on out, wasn’t that nearly as bad as the way her ex-husband had stolen her freedom from her?
How was he going to find a way to love her without smothering her need to be free?
“You’ll win.” He knew it with every fiber of his being.
Her fingertips moved across his lips. “So much faith in me,” she said softly. “I’m so glad you were the one who found me in the storm.”
But they both knew that didn’t really change anything. Because he couldn’t just tell her, “Hey, you know what? I think you’re ready for a new relationship.” Not when she’d just made it abundantly clear to him that she wasn’t.
As if she were reading his mind, she said, “So if I can’t be your girlfriend, is that it?” Her words were soft, but clear. And steady, even as she added, “Does that mean this is over?”
Chase had never been so torn between what he wanted...and what he knew he should do. But she’d just been completely honest with him, despite all the reasons she could have come up with not to trust him.
He owed her the same.
“I should say yes,” he finally gritted out against her fingertips. “If I had one single ounce of decency, I would say, yes, it’s over.” He took her hand in his. “But obviously I’m just as much of a scumbag as any other guy, because the thought of not touching you again, of not kissing you again, of not making love with you again...” His gut clenched tight, as if an invisible fist had gripped it. “I can’t even imagine it.”
He held her gaze, knowing his was as dark, as heated, as hers. Chase knew he shouldn’t keep pressuring her to give him things she wasn’t anywhere near ready to give, even as he said, “If the choice is to take what you’re offering or to walk away, I choose this. I choose you. I choose whatever you’re willing to share with me. Even though I’m never going to stop wanting more from you than just awesome sex. Even though I’m always going to want to change your mind.”
“Chase, I—”
He put a finger over her lips. “I know you’re not ready and I know I shouldn’t push you, but damn it, I can’t help the way I feel. I can’t stop myself from loving you.”
Chloe's eyes got big at the word love and a moment later when she scrambled off his lap with sudden, fierce strength, it took everything Chase had to let her go.
Chapter Twelve
Chloe knew she had been honest. Painfully so.
So had Chase.
She’d even offered to walk away from him. She’d tried to be honorable, just as he’d been with her.
But Chase was clearly a realist. Just as she was. And they both knew that their physical connection was undeniable. Unstoppable.
“I know you don’t want to hear that I'm falling in love with you,” he said softly. “But that doesn’t make it any less true.”
Oh god, she shouldn't want to hear that he was falling for her, not when it scared her to death to know how deep his feelings ran. And yet, she couldn't deny the warmth that spread through her at knowing what she'd come to mean to him.
He was standing now, facing her. Waiting.
There were a million excuses she could have made, a dozen lies she could have tried to tell.
But she couldn't.
“I’m sick of lying to myself. I can’t do it. Not with you.” The admission came out before she could pull it back and she willed herself to be brave.
Fortunately, it was easier to be brave with Chase than with anyone else. Because she knew that he loved her.
“The truth is that I won’t be able to control myself around you, either. The truth is that even though I can’t give you what you want, even though I should be the one to let you go find someone who’s capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved, I don’t want to walk away from you. From this. I can’t give you what you want. All I’m capable of giving right now is sex. Just sex.”
Oh God, what was wrong with her? Why was she letting herself get in any deeper than she could handle?
“Then that’s what we’ll do.” He held out a hand to her. “Have lots and lots of great sex.” He paused, his expression serious. “But not until you feel better. Not until you’re not shaking anymore from having to relive that night.” He lifted her hand to his lips. “I’m sorry I made you go back there, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”
“You needed to know,” she told him. And, surprisingly, she felt a little lighter for having shared her story with someone who cared for her. Deeply, truly cared.
She walked all the way into his arms. “I feel much better,” she told him.
“There’s no rush,” he said, even though both of them knew that there was, as their days together ticked down. And she didn’t want to waste another second thinking about what Dean had done. Damn it, hadn’t she vowed that he wouldn’t steal this from her, too?
“I really do think I’m ninety-nine percent of the way there,” she said. “Think you’re up to helping me get that last percent back?”
Chase stared at her for a long moment before his mouth moved into a sinfully sexy smile. And then his lips were sliding across hers so softly she almost couldn’t feel his kiss.
But her body reacted instantly.
A few seconds later, he kissed her again. Just as softly. She tried to kiss him back, but he pulled away before she could. Another kiss, too gentle and quick for her to do more than just wait for it.
No, damn it! If they were going to do this just sex thing, she couldn’t let him give her these soft, senselessly enticing kisses. From here on out she needed to make sure things stayed physical, not emotional.
Having sex, not making love.
Hot kisses, rather than sweet.
Amazingly, she knew exactly where to start. “Let’s—”
He pressed another one of those soft kisses against her lips.
“—go—”
Another kiss.
“—outside.”
That finally stopped his mind-bending onslaught and it occurred to her that he’d been trying to kiss her into submission. A gentle capitulation.
And, oh, if he did that long enough, gave her enough of those sweet kisses that stole her breath and made her heart pound with wanting...well, she could see that he just might end up drawing a promise out of her that she wasn’t ready to give.
A promise in return for pleasure.