Suddenly, all of her excuses were gone. All she had left was a single admission. “I tried not to. I’m still trying.”
“But Val,” her sister said in an urgent voice, “can’t you see that he looks at you the same way? Half the time when we’re supposed to be working on figuring out a scene, if you’re in the room he’s busy mooning over you.”
“Don’t be crazy. This movie means everything to him.”
“It means a great deal to him,” her sister agreed, “but not even close to everything.”
One of the tears Valentina had been working so hard to hold back all day finally slid down her cheek and as she wiped it away, she said, “All these years I’ve warned you against falling for one of your co-stars and here I’m the one who did it. I’m sorry for completely falling apart like this.”
Tatiana made a sound that was part frustration, part resolve. “I’m not ten years old anymore. You have always been there for me, but don’t you see, I want to be there for you, too?”
For the second time in one day, Valentina was struck by their role reversal. All these years she’d spent taking care of her sister, had she ever let Tatiana take care of her? She could suddenly see herself in Smith’s trailer that first day on set. “Your sister is incredibly lucky to have you to protect her. But who’s protecting you?”
She’d told herself she’d accepted the fact that her sister had grown up, that she was old enough to drink, that she could film a sex scene. And yet, had she really wanted to treat Tatiana like an adult? Had she ever thought she could burden her sister with her own fears, her own pain?
And if not, why had she been so afraid to let Tatiana be one half of their support team?
Knowing she had so much ground to make up, Valentina struggled to admit, “I don’t know what I’m doing. I should stay away from him, but I can’t.”
Tatiana’s frown deepened. “Why do you need to stay away from him?”
It was so painfully obvious to Valentina, she couldn’t believe she had to actually say the words aloud. “He’s one of the biggest movie stars in the world. I’m me. A relationship with him could never go anywhere.”
“Are you kidding? You two are beautiful together.”
Panic knocked through her. “You’ve seen us?”
“No one else has,” her sister quickly assured her, “but I’ve spent more time with the two of you than everyone else. He’s always touching you when he thinks I’m not looking.” Tatiana’s eyes lit up with mischief. “And then there was that time I walked in on you guys kissing.”
Heat flamed on Valentina’s cheeks. “When?”
Tatiana grinned. “That night you were in the screening room, I realized I’d left my marked-up script. The door was open so I walked in without knocking.” She fanned herself. “All I can say is, wow. I was seriously impressed. With both of you.” Tatiana leaned in closer and lowered her voice as she grinned. “On the chair, huh?”
Frantically working to stuff away the huge wave of embarrassment rolling over her at the thought of her baby sister witnessing her completely losing control in Smith’s arms, Valentina asked, “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Hurt briefly flashed in Tatiana’s eyes. “I could tell you were feeling a little weird about it, so I was waiting for you to tell me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t confide in you,” Valentina said, and she truly was.
Why hadn’t she talked to her sister? Especially since she’d been so tormented by emotions and feelings she didn’t understand. She’d tried to tell herself that it was because she didn’t want to accidentally derail the success of the movie by putting her sister in the middle of what was going on with her and Tatiana’s powerful co-star. But while there was certainly truth to that concern, the bigger truth was that she hadn’t wanted to accept that her sister was all grown up...so she’d treated her like a child instead of the incredible woman she was.
Trying to explain, Valentina said, “I swear I didn’t think there was going to be anything to tell, that once he got past the challenge, he’d lose interest.” She was still waiting for that, and was more than a little confused about why it hadn’t happened yet.
“He obviously hasn’t lost interest, Val. He won’t. How could he?” Tatiana looked at Valentina with all of the love the sisters had for each other. “You’re amazing. Beautiful. Smart. Funny. And the best sister in the world. I know he sees all of that. And all of you.”
She couldn’t make up for the weeks of hiding her feelings from her sister, but she could change things by sharing them now. She took a deep—and shaky—breath and tried to put in words the emotions that had been knocking around inside her for the past few weeks.
“The thing is, sometimes I don’t feel like myself around him.” It was already a night of admissions, so she added one more. “And that scares me. Badly.” Especially when she lost control, the way she had again and again from nothing more than a look, the brush of his fingertips over her skin, his mouth claiming hers.
“I don’t understand,” Tatiana said, and Valentina wasn’t surprised to hear it. Her younger sister had very rarely been afraid. And if she had, she hadn’t let fear get in her way. “Who do you think you are?”
Valentina opened her mouth to answer, starting with “I’m—” but nothing came out after that.
She was happy with her career, would likely have gone to business school regardless of whether she managed her sister’s business affairs or not, and had really enjoyed working on her screenplay these past couple of years.
But “Who do you think you are?” was less about what she wanted to do for her job...and more about what kind of life she wanted to have as a woman.
For so many years she’d denied the emotional woman inside of herself, along with the sensual one. Sure, she’d had some fairly good sex with some perfectly nice men, and she hadn’t completely tamped down on her emotions by any means, but at the same time, she’d kept everything in reserve just in case her sister needed her for any reason. Valentina’s entire being had been wrapped up in Tatiana for so long, and she’d been so convinced she needed to avoid the pain her mother went through with all of her boyfriends, that somewhere along the way she’d lost sight of who she was.