She wasn’t trying to make this easy for me.
“For my behavior,” I muttered. “Both on the ship, and also back in the prison at Aviary… And also for breaking your table.”
I watched her face for a reaction. For any sign of forgiveness. For any sign of that frown softening. She kept a poker face as she met my eyes.
“That’s it?” she asked.
“Yes, and I… uh… want to make it up to you. We got off to the wrong start—”
“Well, your apology is enough,” she said, cutting through me. “I don’t require anything more from you.”
She heaved her bucket out of the well and turned to walk away. I followed her and grabbed the vessel from her arms before she could refuse.
“I’ll carry this for you. Just to your boat.”
She grabbed it back, at least a quarter of the water in the small bucket splashing out onto the grass.
“No, I don’t need your help,” she said, her cheeks flushing red.
“Look, you just dropped a load. Let me refill it—” I reached to grab the bucket again.
“No!” She swerved away, glaring daggers at me. “What is it with you? I told you, your apology is enough. You can leave me alone now.”
But is it enough?
What will your answer be the next time Saira asks the question?
Chapter 24: Mona
Her heart beat faster as he touched her cheek. But she avoided his eyes. Their intensity scared her. She didn’t know if she was strong enough to hold his gaze. Strong arms wrapped around her, and then a gentle finger beneath her chin pushed her head upward. She now had no choice but to face her fears. Her body responded to his embrace, even while her mind repelled it.
She’d fantasized about this moment for longer than she could remember, so she wondered why she was feeling apprehensive. Every movement of his body against hers sent chills running through her. She was attempting to focus her attention on anything other than what she supposedly desired most deeply.
I frowned at the parchment in front of me. I hadn’t been able to sleep, so instead had decided to retrieve my story from the cupboard and sit down at my desk. The yellowing of the parchment betrayed how long I’d been toiling over it. I’d lost count of how many years had passed since I’d started it.
The words just dried up whenever I reached scenes like this.
The scene was technically accurate, at least according to my observations.
But I wasn’t feeling it.
I wasn’t living it.
I wasn’t living my characters’ passion like I lived their pain.
A feeling of emptiness settled in my stomach as familiar doubts assailed my mind.
Perhaps I’ll never be able to finish this story.
Perhaps I’ll never be able to give my beloved characters, Irina and Adrian, the love they’ve craved and fought for in all the previous chapters.
I pushed my chair away from my desk and stepped out onto the balcony, taking deep breaths, fighting to calm my nerves. But the emptiness continued to tear through my stomach, reaching its thorny hand up into my throat.
I gripped the railing, closing my eyes.
Stop thinking.
Just be silent.
Just be… numb.
Numbness. That word again. That word that had terrified Kiev so much that he was willing to suffer rather than experience it.
Numbness was what I craved.
It was the rope I used to climb out of the black hole I’d otherwise be trapped in.
Numbness was my savior, not my fear.
Chapter 25: Kiev
I never had been the kind of man to do things half-heartedly. If I bothered with something, I would damn well figure out a way to win at it.
I had more work to do.
I might have been out of touch with my social skills, but I didn’t need to be a genius to understand that Mona still didn’t consider me a friend.
And I didn’t want to get Saira to ask her the question until I was confident that Mona would respond positively. I didn’t know if the erratic wolf would give me another chance if the witch gave the wrong answer. I had to tread carefully, because I had no idea if Matteo would stand up for me if the wolf ordered me off the island. I certainly couldn’t expect him to, and I wasn’t in a position to risk finding out.
Now that I had gotten my apology to Mona off of my chest, at least that felt like some progress. My next step seemed obvious to me.
The following evening, I paid another visit to Brett. To my relief, I didn’t have to waste minutes waking him up this time. I arrived to see him sitting at the entrance of his cave munching on a hunk of meat.
“You again?” he said, looking up from his meal.
“I’d like to know who does the carpentry on this island.”
Brett’s round face split into a proud grin, his teeth stained with grease. “That’d be me.”
“Ah, good. I expected as much.” I said. “You see, I’m in need of a small table.”
“Oh? How small?”
I indicated the approximate dimensions with my hands.
“What for?” he asked.
“For… Mona, actually,” I said.
Brett’s grin widened.
“Got feels for her, have you?” he chortled, winking at me while wiping fat off one of his tusks.
“No… No. I-I just broke her table accidentally. I owe her a new one.”
“Well, if it’s just a simple four-legged table,” he said, chewing thoughtfully, “I could have that ready for you in a few hours. I’m still on break. Haven’t got much else to do before my round starts again, other than finish eating this beauty.” He waved his meat in the air.
“I appreciate it.” I was about to hold out my hand to shake his, but had second thoughts when I saw how filthy it was. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“In case you’re late returning, I’ll just leave it for you in there,” he said, gesturing toward his cave.
I left him in peace to finish his meal.
My next stop was the beach. Remembering the shell Giles had tried to gift Mona, I reasoned that perhaps he’d done that because he knew she liked them. When I reached the wall, I located the nearest exit to me. A vampire on guard duty sat next to it.
He looked up at me questioningly as I approached.
“I should be back in less than an hour.”
The vampire nodded and let me out.
“Just be careful,” he called after me. “It’s never a good idea to stay outside these walls for long.”
It was a calm night. A breeze caught my hair as I made my way toward the dark waves lapping against the shore. There was not a single cloud in the sky to dull the shining moon. The air had a purity to it that I’d never experienced anywhere back in the human realm.