“Sofia…” Rosa, the most sensitive and gentle among us, brushed her hand over my arm.
“I don’t even know why I’m so disturbed. It’s not like we’re together and besides, I left him…”
“Sofia, he’s a vampire who’s been on earth for centuries. It’s amazing that he’s developed such loyalty and affection for you, but you have to realize that whatever’s going on between the two of you, it can’t possibly last.” Paige, ever the voice of reason, explained in an excruciatingly patronizing manner, before repeating, “He’s a vampire. You’re human. The shelf life of such relationships – if you could even call what you have with him that – doesn’t really last long…”
I knew she was right. I didn’t even know what I was expecting to happen upon returning to The Shade, but being given that dose of reality from a dear friend was enough to completely shake everything I stood for. I didn’t know what the proper reaction to Paige’s dose of reality was, but to me, it made what I had with Derek more precious – as if the time I had with him was borrowed and I had to make the most out of it while it was still mine.
I started walking again, not knowing how to respond to Paige. They followed my pace, the atmosphere suddenly becoming tense.
Ashley, to my relief, finally broke the silence. “For all it’s worth, Sofia, he’s different when you’re here. He doesn’t seem to be as… dark compared to when you were away.” She rubbed a palm over the back of her neck, before continuing to explain. “Look… I’m not one to pretend to understand how the mind of Derek Novak works, but maybe… just maybe… he had Vivienne send him those girls so he could get his mind off of you.”
She was the last person I expected to stand in defense of Derek. The fact that she did took me aback.
“I guess what I’m saying is,” Ashley droned on “that the best person for you to ask would be him.”
We finally reached the lift that would lead us to the walkway branching toward Derek’s penthouse. We were silent as the lift rose up the full length of the giant redwoods supporting Derek’s home. It didn’t take long before we stepped into the hall that led to the living room. I drew a breath when we found Derek waiting there, standing right in the middle of the room, fists clenched and muscles tensed.
“Where were you?” he asked.
“We went to the Catacombs,” I replied. “…to make sure Gavin has begun to heal of the gashes Claudia inflicted upon him, then we stopped by the Vale.” I motioned to the shopping bags we were holding.
He didn’t even bother looking at the bags. His eyes were on me and suddenly, I felt vulnerable under his gaze – as if his glare alone could break me. “Leave us,” he ordered.
Ashley pried the shopping bags from my hands as all three of them left for their rooms, leaving me with a brooding vampire, whose eyes were drinking in the sight of me like I was a feast he wanted to partake of. I couldn’t remember the last time I was terrified to be around him, but that was exactly how I felt as I stood before him: absolutely mortified.
Derek stepped forward – slowly and tentatively. He stopped a few inches in front of me, close enough for me to be aware of how tense he was and how his breaths were coming in slow heaves and sighs. I could sense how powerful he was, how small I was compared to him and for some reason, I couldn’t make myself look up into his face. Instead I kept my gaze on his torso, wondering what was going through his mind.
I froze when he began circling me, his hands clasped behind his back. His eyes were still on me, studying me. I wanted to shrink away from him.
“You’re trembling.”
I didn’t even notice the moderate tremble of my body until he called me out on it.
“Why? Since when do you fear me, Sofia?”
He was asking questions I didn’t know the answers to. Was it because the past few days gave me a clear picture of who he was and what he was capable of doing? Was it because the selfish bubble I was in when I first became his captive at The Shade had finally been burst and I now saw him for what he was? I didn’t know, but I did know that I feared him and I hated it. I wanted to see him as I did before – capable of good, but all I saw when I looked at him was a powerful vampire, a prince of The Shade, whose fickle whims could change at a moment’s notice.
“I’m sorry” was all I could think of to say.
He stopped circling me and stopped by my side, his breath cold against my temple as he spoke, his face inching close to mine. “You’re sorry? What exactly are you sorry for, Sofia?”
Again, he posed a question I didn’t know how to answer, so I sealed my lips shut, unwilling to dig myself any deeper.
“I’ve been defending you and your crusade to save the humans of The Shade since you got here and how do you repay me?” One of his large hands crept around my waist. His other hand cupped my jaw, his thumb running the length of my lower lip.
I wanted to flinch away from him, but I stood frozen under his touch.
He gently nudged me in position so that I was facing him. He lifted my chin, forcing me to look him in the eye. “Why do you shut me out, Sofia?”
Before I could hold it back, a tear ran down my cheek. I knew he couldn’t understand what I was going through. Neither did I… Or perhaps I did. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. I couldn’t admit to myself that I feared losing him. I feared that going on with my “crusade to save the humans of The Shade” as he so aptly called it meant that I might lose him. I feared how his touch made me ache with so much longing. I feared how much the idea of him being with anyone but me was tearing me apart inside. I feared treasuring him only to have him ripped away from me – something everyone said was inevitable.
I didn’t fear Derek Novak. I feared what loving him could mean for me.
CHAPTER 49: DEREK
The enigma that was Sofia Claremont stood before me, trembling and tearing up at the sight of me. I would’ve given the world to catch a glimpse of what was going through her mind. Was she so disappointed in me that she still couldn’t bear to look at me even after I took her side in her case against Claudia? Was she unaware of all the heat I was under because of that choice?
Her green eyes – moistened with tears – pierced straight through me and I couldn’t help but wonder why she had such an effect on me. Why was I willing to turn my entire world upside down on her behalf? And why didn’t any of it seem to be enough for her?