CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
I have made my own bed. Now I must lie in it. —The Grimm Reaper
ASH FOUGHT WITH GUILT the entire way to the ball. Dominique and Isabelle accompanied them, which naturally meant that the rest of the Royal Guard felt it their royal duty to protect the entire family.
It was an utter disaster. One fell asleep walking — yes, walking — to the carriage, while the other sneezed so loud it scared the horses into rearing up and causing the footman to tumble to the ground.
The only bright moment of the evening came when Sofia descended the stairs in a snow-white gown, her entire face aglow with excitement, her lips ripe for the tasting.
Ash had stared, and stared, and stared, never gaining his fill. She was perfection. And for now, she was his and only his.
He loved her.
He knew he loved her. He simply didn’t wish to ruin her life by confessing it. Loving her was akin to loving the stars; one simply didn’t confess then demand they fall to the ground and shatter into a million pieces. No, when one loved someone that wondrous, one kept her away from the fall, away from the darkness.
He had four days left of her passion.
Four days to share his soul with her.
And in four days, he had promised Hunter he’d seek out a doctor to gain a diagnosis he already knew to be true. For the pain had passed from something annoying to debilitating over the last few weeks. The mornings were the worst, when his muscles would be so sore that he was unable to move for several minutes upon waking.
Even now, his chest throbbed. His arm ached.
He flexed his hand and grimaced.
Sofia placed her glove on his and quickly removed it, her way of showing her support, comfort, encouragement. Bloody hell, he was going to be an absolute mess without her.
Then again, if things were progressing as he assumed, he wouldn’t live long enough anyway. The suffering would be short-lived. And that made him feel guilty because he knew she would suffer too, and it would be his fault.
The carriage ride was too short, just like Ash’s grasp on reality, for he desperately wanted to live in a fairytale world where he could simply kidnap the princess and live happily ever after.
“Oh, it’s beautiful!” Isabelle gushed. “Sofia, I’ll have to introduce you to Lady Renwick. You’ll adore her!”
“I look forward to it.” Sofia touched Ash’s leg, just slightly, enough to let him know she’d look for him later. She followed Isabelle out of the carriage. The women quickly walked up the stairs while Ash lingered.
“I hope you don’t mind me saying…” Dominique grimaced. “…but, Ash, you look horrible.”
“Thank you.” Ash swore under his breath. “I’m simply… not enjoying all the balls.”
“Well, I have good news then!” Dominique slapped him on the back. “It seems my cousin has made a choice.”
“Truly?” Ash suddenly felt the need to throw his countenance all over the stairs. “She has said as much?”
“Not to me…” Dominique elbowed him. “…but I see it in her eyes. It helps that Hunter stopped by earlier. He was very convincing.”
“Remind me to thank him.” Ash ground his teeth together; he was going to murder his brother. It was as simple as that.
“I wouldn’t go thanking him just yet…” Something flashed in Dominique’s eyes before he shrugged and looked away. “…but I imagine it is for the best. She needs to marry after all.”
“Yes.” Ash couldn’t find one enthusiastic cell in his entire body, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything save stare at the space in front of him and imagine Sofia filling it.
“The Royal Prince Maskylov and Lord Grimm!” The announcement jolted Ash out of his daze.
“What the devil!” Ash swore a blue streak. “They are never to announce that name!”
Dominique shrugged. “Perhaps it is time to.”
Ash huffed, irritated that he had the attention of every single lady within attendance, every lady but Sofia, who was just now weaving through the crowds, her attention on the stairs.
At least now she knew.
The lie was over.
The battle lost.
She would hate him forever.
The apology was just on his lips when Sofia appeared in front of him. “Drat!”
“I’m sorry?”
“Is he still here?” She peered around Ash.
“Whom are we discussing?” He braced her shoulders.
She stomped her foot. “Lord Grimm!”
“Sofia?”
“Well?” She placed her hands on her hips. “Is he in attendance?”
Ash’s eyes narrowed. “He is.”
“I must speak to him!”
“Why?”
“I’m afraid I cannot tell you that…”
Ash rolled his eyes. “I believe you can.”
“It’s too… embarrassing.”
Ash grinned. “Having fantasies about the fallen hero, are you?”
Sofia blushed. Her eyebrows arched. “I’m afraid I’m too busy living out my fantasies. I’m afraid I have no more storage left for such thoughts…”
“Damn, I could kiss you right now,” Ash whispered, his lips nearing hers. “I wish to take you in as many ways as my creative genius can conjure up… and I wish to do it in front of every bloody man in this room so he knows who you belong to.”
“Finally claiming me?” she teased.
Ash knew it was improper, knew that if they were caught, it would be the end of her future, but he could not help himself. So, in a crowded room, a crush full of people, he leaned in to whisper in her ear, his tongue licking its way around the curve. “I’ll damn well claim you right here. Right now. Just say the word.”
“My, my!” Pierce’s voice sounded from behind Ash.
Already painfully aroused, he was ready to pull his pistol on his friend. Instead, he forced a smile and reared back. “Ah, bane of my existence, how do you fare?”
“Better.” Pierce held out his hand to Sofia. “Shall we dance?”
“Her card is full,” Ash said through clenched teeth.
“Impossible.” Pierce tsked. “I see at least two blank spots.” He reached for the card and winked at Ash. “Never fear, Mother. I’ll return her just as pure as I found her.”
That was what Ash was afraid of, for she was pure — only barely, and that was because he couldn’t find it within himself to take her virginity. He wanted to — desperately — but he couldn’t do it.