He threw out his hands. “What am I gonna tell ‘em? That I didn’t know dick?”
“They’ll have some questions, honey. Just tell them what you know,” I replied.
He leaned into me threateningly, and I saw Darius get close and felt the men at my back move forward.
“I can tell them what I know f**kin’ now. I know that motherfucker—in my own f**kin’ house—extorted f**king blowjobs from my girls.” He thumped his chest on the word “my.”
“Smithie—”
“Took their money.”
“Smithie, please, listen for a—”
“And they gave all that shit up, for me.” Another whack to his chest.
“I know, but—”
“For me!” he roared in a way that the entire room stilled.
He stood there, staring at me, breathing heavily, and I knew it was going to happen before it happened.
So I ordered quickly, “Everybody out.”
Then it happened.
His arms went to cover his face and head and his legs went out from under him.
I rushed to him, looking at Darius and mouthing, “Out.”
Darius nodded and moved.
I got down on my knees by Smithie and pulled his big quaking body in my arms.
“For me,” he whispered, his voice breaking.
“They love you,” I whispered back.
“For me,” he repeated.
I said nothing. Just held him in my arms.
This lasted a long time before, not looking at me, still curled into himself in my arms, he started to ask, “How do I—?”
“I don’t know,” I interrupted. “I just know you will.” I pulled him closer. “I’ll help.”
He dropped his arms and turned his head to look at me. My breath caught and my heart squeezed at the ravaged look on his face, his bloodshot eyes, the wet on his cheeks.
“They did that shit for me,” he said, and it sounded like he was pleading. Like I could take his words and make them and the fact that all this happened go away.
“They love you,” I repeated and lifted my hands to his cheeks, moving my face closer. “And that, Smithie, is a beautiful thing. You take care of them. They took care of you. It was awful how they had to do it. But every single one of them did it. That’s how much they love you.”
He shook his head, taking my hands with it. “I can’t fix this,” he told me.
“Everything can be fixed,” I returned.
“Not this,” he whispered.
“Daisy? Ava? Sadie?” I gave him examples of women who lived on, valiantly and magnificently, after being violated. I shook my head before I lifted up, kissed his forehead then looked back into his eyes. “Everything can be fixed. Everything.”
He held my eyes.
Then he nodded.
“Baby.” We heard, and I let Smithie go in order to turn around.
I saw LaTeesha rushing in.
I got out of her way, and as she helped Smithie off the floor, I gave them their privacy.
Mace was at the top of the stairs.
When I looked at him, for once, he wasn’t looking broody. His eyes were warm and his face was soft.
It was a good look for him. Then again, for Mace, they all were.
“Good job,” he murmured.
“Thanks,” I murmured back and turned to the steps.
I was halfway down when he called quietly, “No, Ally.”
I turned back and looked up at him.
“All of it,” he said. He pointed at the office. “In there.” He pointed toward the club. “And out there.”
Fuck, but that felt great.
I didn’t say that.
I nodded and repeated, “Thanks, Mace.”
He nodded back.
I went back to descending the stairs.
At the bottom were Darius, Lee and Ren.
I looked at Lee. “Am I done?”
“Yeah, Ally,” Lee answered softly.
His eyes were warm and his face was soft, too.
I gave him a chin lift. He gave Ren a look.
I didn’t try to decipher that look. I just turned to my man and he didn’t make me say a word.
He just grabbed my hand and led me out the door.
* * * * *
We were in bed.
I had my face in Ren’s neck, my legs tangled with his.
He had an arm wrapped around me and he’d pulled up my nightie. He was drawing lazy patterns on the skin above my ass. The fingers of his other hand were laced with mine and he was holding them over his heart.
He hadn’t made a move on me. I didn’t make one on him. We just both got ready for bed silently and then he drew me into him and held me close.
I suspected he did this because he knew it would happen.
And it did.
Dragging his hand with mine up to my face, I pressed them against my lips as the sob ripped its path up my throat and out and my body bucked violently.
Ren let my hand go and turned into me, both his arms closing around me and holding tight.
I cried into his throat and I did it a long time.
When my sobbing started to die out, Ren pulled me even closer, giving me a squeeze and whispering, “Love you, baby.”
That was it. No coddling. No offers to talk it out. No pressure. Nothing. He let me be at the same time he gave me exactly what I needed.
“Love you too, Ren,” I whispered back.
And I did.
More and more every day.
And right there in that bed with Ren was the reason.
Precisely.
Because when I had to be a badass all day and cases got tough and I came home, or when life just sucked, or when life was awesome and going along fine, I knew this was what Ren Zano would give me.
Always.
Exactly what I needed.
Chapter Thirty-One
On My Team
Late morning the next day, I stood in my newly painted, newly carpeted office space—more accurately, in my soon-to-be office—and I looked out the window at the view.
Downtown. Mostly other tall buildings. But around the corner of the one across the street, I could see the mountains.
Righteous view.
Slowly, I turned my head and took it all in. In my office, there was a box containing a brand new computer. There were two more, one in Daisy’s space, one in the extra office. There was also a printer box, scanner box and a fax machine box as well as boxes holding routers and other IT shit in Daisy’s space.
There was a copy machine in the conference room.
And The Majestic was already on the wall. Ralphie and Buddy had come in and hung it that weekend.
The furniture was on order and would be delivered on Wednesday.
Brody was showing on Wednesday night to set up the network.