When I’d finished, I sat on my ass, back to the wal . Indy gave me a wet washcloth to wipe my mouth as she flushed the toilet.
Then she sat down, close by my side.
I put my hands over my face, the washcloth clenched in one of them. My stomach hurt, I tasted the sour vomit in my mouth but al I could think about was how Mace was that morning.
“Honey,” Indy whispered.
“He loved her hands,” I whispered back. “He told me they were exquisite.”
Al of a sudden I was in Indy’s arms and her voice broke when she muttered, “Oh, honey.”
My chest was moving. I felt it, like it was working for air and not getting any. I was breathing through my nose, the breath coming hard. I could feel the exhalations against my lips but al that work and nothing was getting to my lungs.
My eyebal s felt like they’d grown ten times their normal size and wanted to force their way out of my head.
Mace’s words sounded in my brain.
Jesus, I’ll never forget the way she moved her hands.
“Oh my God,” I whispered.
“Sh, honey, quiet,” Indy mumbled.
I reared back, looked in her face which was blurry with my tears but I could see she was shedding her own. I’d never known Indy to cry, she wasn’t a crying type of girl.
Even if this surprised and touched me, I needed to move on, and fast.
“Get Duke,” I demanded.
“I’m here, darlin’.” Duke was standing in the door, al the Rock Chicks and Tex behind him, Ava was holding my cup of coffee.
“Let’s go, everyone out,” Tex herded the Rock Chicks away as Indy left me and Duke came in.
He sat down next to me, one leg bent, one straight out, his wrist resting on his bent knee.
Tex shut the door and we were alone.
I turned to Duke and since he wasn’t a Rock Chick, I figured Mace wouldn’t get mad at me when I blurted, “We’re back together. Mace and me. He came home to me last night and we worked it out.” I watched the blurry surprise hit Duke’s face and continued, “We have to pretend we’re not back together because his Dad is playing some kind of game. So we have to keep it a secret.”
“Al right, love,” he replied, his gravel y voice deeper and I knew it was with emotion which I had to ignore because I was holding on by a thread.
“He started to tel me about his sister but it’s hard on him. I have to let him tel me his own way,” I said.
Duke reached out and slid his fingers through my hair at my forehead, pul ing it back away from my face. “You’re bein’ smart.”
“The Rock Chicks can’t know about us being back together. And they can’t tel me anymore about what happened to Caitlin.”
“I’l talk to the girls.”
“But you have to tel me.”
Silence then a gentle, “Stel a, I’m not sure –” I leaned into him. “Duke, I just hurled because I couldn’t take it. If it gets worse, I can’t let him see that. I have to be strong for him. He’s being strong for me. You have to tel me. I have to be prepared.”
“You’re al owed to have an honest reaction –” Duke began but I shook my head.
“No, you don’t understand. He loved her. They were close. This is eating at him. I have to be strong. I have to let him give this to me. I’ve got to be able to take it from him.” Duke’s eyes searched mine for a few beats, I watched him come to a conclusion and he nodded. He got closer and his arm moved around me, his big hand coming to the side of my head, pressing against it so my cheek rested on his shoulder.
“Okay, darlin’. Hate to say it but it gets worse,” he said softly and I sucked breath in through my nose, not at al certain what could be worse than a girl being kidnapped and having her hand cut off but, since it ended in murder, I figured it definitely got worse.
Duke went on, “You need me to stop so you can get yourself together, you just say so.”
I nodded my head against his shoulder.
After I did that, he told me.
I didn’t make him stop. I listened to the whole thing without making a noise except for my breathing going heavy.
When he was done, we both just sat on the floor, my head against his shoulder, his arm around my waist.
We sat there silent a long time, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
Final y, I said, “I’ve seen the scars.”
“Sorry?”
“From the bul ets, Mace getting shot. On his thigh and his shoulder. I didn’t think anything of them. He was an athlete, athletes have injuries. I just thought…” I stopped because there was nothing else to say.
Duke didn’t reply.
“He thinks he did the wrong thing, cal ing in the police,” I told Duke.
“Far’s I can tel , she was dead the minute they took her.
Only wrong thing done was her Dad makin’ it worse by not doin’ everything he could to make it easier for her while they had her. Her Dad knew what he was dealin’ with, Mace didn’t. He just wanted his sister back. Nothin’ wrong about that.”
I nodded my head in agreement and pul ed in more breath.
Then I whispered. “I’m not going to be able to take them away.”
“Take what away?”
“His demons,” I explained, feeling hopeless, lost, maybe a little scared and definitely like I was wrong about my luck changing. “They’re never going to go away.” Duke’s hand gave me a squeeze at my waist then he got up and left me on the floor. He closed the bathroom door behind him and I stared at it, wondering what to do.
I wanted to go to Mace, put my arms around him, absorb his pain like I was an emotional sponge. I wanted magical powers so I could erase his memories. I wanted to be able to time travel so I could warn him, protect Caitlin. I wanted to give her the life she was supposed to have, al ow her to move to New York and become a bal erina. I wanted Mace to be able to go to the theater, sit in the audience and watch his sister dance.
Most of al , I wanted to kick his Dad’s ass.
On that thought, the bathroom door opened and Duke came back, a toothbrush in its packaging in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other. He put the coffee cup on the back of the toilet and held out a hand to me. He pul ed me up and rooted through the medicine cabinet, closed the mirrored door and handed me some toothpaste and the brush. I brushed my teeth, scoured my tongue and rinsed my mouth.
When I was done, Duke put down the toilet seat and guided me to it. I sat down, he handed me my coffee and I took a sip as he crouched in front of me and looked into my eyes.