I could no longer speak so I shook my head, nonverbally lying. It had been harder than hell.
“I don’t need a key,” he said.
I blinked, not sure how to take that. “You don’t?” I asked, finding my voice.
He shook his head. “Though it’d be easier than breakin’ in all the time,” he told me.
I felt relief start invading, washing away the fear.
“Probably,” I whispered, still a little scared because he was still being blank not intense or a different kind of intense but not giving me anything to go on.
“Do you understand about Luke?” he asked.
I nodded.
He got closer, his face got closer, his body pressing me deeper into the bed. “Then we’ll make sure you understand it all.”
Uh-oh.
I didn’t like the sound of that. I didn’t share this and just watched him and waited.
“You’re mine, Jules. That means no one puts their hands on you and no one puts their mouth on you. I almost came out of my skin watchin’ that last night. You’re with me and that means we’re exclusive. I do not share. Which means no one touches you. Not again. You got me?”
I nodded. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if I saw him that way with another woman but I was a head crackin’ mamma jamma, I probably would have lost my mind. A macho man, badass was even worse.
I decided not to say anything. It was bad enough and saying something would likely just dig my hole deeper. I knew I was already skating on thin ice; I sure as hell wasn’t going to go under, not again.
It was cold down there, freezing.
“You got your head straight?” he asked, breaking into my icy reverie.
I nodded again though I was a little confused at his question.
He kept talking. “We’re not playin’ this f**kin’ game. You try and push me away, I’m takin’ you to the cabin and chainin’ you to the bed until you got your head sorted once and for all. What we have genuinely doesn’t seem like it’s gonna work, we’ll talk it through and come to an understanding. But when it’s good and you get freaked, you aren’t makin’ the decision for both of us because you’re scared out of your mind and don’t have the guts to talk about it.”
Wow.
I knew Vance was a straight-talker but, um… yikes.
I thought it was time to cut in. “Vance –”
“I’m talkin’ now.”
At his tone I shut up. Definitely not the time to cut in.
“You lie in bed in the moonlight when you think it doesn’t count and you let me in. I’m tellin’ you now, it counts, Jules.”
I kept silent.
Vance kept talking. “I don’t want you sweet after I’ve made you come and you don’t have your guard up. I want you sweet all the time. You don’t start trusting me in the daylight this isn’t gonna work.”
I stayed silent.
“You go out into the night makin’ trouble, fearless. With everything else that means something in your life, you’re shit scared. You’re gonna have to find a way to get the f**k over it.”
I pulled my lips in and bit them to stay quiet. He was right and that was so annoying.
“You’re mine,” he repeated like I didn’t get it the first time.
I let my lips go and said, “Okay.”
He stared at me.
“Can I say something now?” I asked when he seemed to be finished.
“Just don’t piss me off,” he warned.
Like I’d do that especially at this juncture.
I waited a beat then took in a breath and then did something that made my Rottweiler go berserk. I ignored my Rottie, it took all I had but I did it.
“I know it counts,” I whispered.
Vance didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t do anything.
Then drool flying everywhere in white globs, jumping up and down, tearing free from his chains, my Rottweiler came at me and I ran like a mad woman, taking my life in my hands. I passed him, threw open the door to the chain-link-fenced box and ran inside. I slammed the door closed behind me and locked it, keeping my Rottweiler at bay.
Then I ran my hands up Vance’s back, stopping when I felt his scar and to make my point, I left my fingers there.
“You’re right, you scare the hell out of me,” I said it so low I wasn’t sure if he heard it.
I didn’t have to wonder long. He heard it and he understood it.
He rolled to his side and took me with him, arms going around me tight. He didn’t need to say anything because that was enough.
I put my face in his throat again. “I need a boyfriend with a safe job. Like checkout guy at King Sooper’s,” I told Vance’s throat.
He stayed silent.
“The worst thing that could happen is he’d fall off his rolling stool behind the cash register. Maybe hit his head or something. Sprain a wrist.”
Vance still didn’t speak.
“They have good benefits there, I heard. Great insurance.”
More silence.
“That could be a rumor though,” I muttered to myself since Vance was obviously not listening.
“Jules.”
“What?”
He pulled my hair with a gentle tug and I looked up at him. His eyes were soft and sexy when I looked into them and when he spoke his deep voice was silk. “Shut up.”
Looking at him, the fear moved out of me and I melted into him because, one look at him, I just knew and the clouds over my life parted and I felt the warmth of sunshine.
“Don’t tell me to shut up,” I whispered.
That’s when he gave me one of his grins and I knew I was right. Everything was going to be fine. Then he kissed me, slow, sweet, long, like we had all day and I knew everything was really fine.
When he was done, there were no clouds in the sky. None at all. Just sunshine.
“I’m sorry about last night,” I said quietly, because I had to.
“You need to talk to Luke,” he told me.
I nodded. He was right, I needed to talk to Luke. I didn’t want to but I sure as hell needed to.
“Are you two gonna be okay?” I asked.
“He keeps his distance, yeah. He keeps at this game, no.”
Hmm.
That didn’t sound good. That sounded like I was Yoko Ono to the Nightingale Investigation Team’s Beatles. I didn’t want to be the woman who f**ked up the band.
“I’ll talk to him,” I said then went for another, much safer topic (at least I thought it was safer, but I was very, very wrong). “How long have you been here?”