He looked down at me. “You already know we investigated you,” he said.
“Yeah.”
“You’re a busy woman.”
I stared at him and kept silent.
“Even before this shit went down with Park your name is all over police records. You worked at a battered woman’s shelter, got involved in a couple of messy cases. You got mentions in a number of kids’ files, comin’ down to the station when they got into trouble, puttin’ in a word for them. Got ‘em out and into King’s.”
I stayed silent.
“Park was different,” Vance said in a way that I knew wasn’t a question.
I sucked in my lips and stayed quiet.
“So are Roam and Sniff, aren’t they?”
I couldn’t keep it up. “They’re my boys.”
He watched me, his eyes scanning my face and something came over him, not the sexy something, something else. Something that looked an awful lot like concern.
“Jules, you know, you gotta keep a distance. You don’t, it’ll destroy you.”
“I can keep a distance.”
“Yeah? Like spendin’ your nights puttin’ your ass on the line, makin’ drug dealers pay for what they did to Park?”
My eyes slid to the side. “Um…” I mumbled.
“And runnin’ around lookin’ after two teenage runaways like they were your own flesh and blood?”
I brought my eyes back to him and stayed silent.
“That shit with Roam today at Fortnum’s… Jesus, Jules, you aren’t his sister, you’re his social worker.”
“I know that.”
“Didn’t look like it to me.”
“Don’t tell me how to do my job,” I clipped.
“I’m tryin’ to talk some sense into you.”
“You don’t know these boys.”
“Yes I do. I grew up with kids like them.”
This shut me up because that night I learned he had. It was somewhere I didn’t allow my mind to go because I hated the thought of someone as magnificent as Vance Crowe living on the street but now he said it straight out, it forced my mind to go there.
I felt my discomfort edge away and I just stopped myself from touching him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He shook his head and his eyes got hard. “Jules, listen to me closely. I’m not another one of your causes. I survived. It was shit and I nearly didn’t but I came out the other side. What I went through, it made me who I am. You do your job, only your job, those boys’ll come out the other side too.”
Then I whispered, don’t ask me why, but I did, “I love them.”
He watched me a beat then his eyes changed again, not to the concerned look, or the sexy look, but the look he’d given me that day at Fortnum’s.
It touched me somewhere deep; somewhere I’d forgotten I had.
“They’re good kids, they make me laugh,” I went on, unable to stop myself. “They’re smart, sharp as tacks and not just street smart. All that and they’ve had no love, Vance, no love in their lives at all. Only abuse. They didn’t leave home because of teenage rebellion or family misunderstanding or minds not meeting. They left home because they had to, to survive or they’d go crazy or get hurt. The only people in their lives they can trust, ever could trust, are each other… and me. Now Park’s gone, it’s just the three of us. Park was their leader. He was the best of them, keeping them safe and straight even as he searched for release for himself. Without him, I don’t know if I can save them.”
Vance watched me while I talked but at my last words, he broke in. “They gotta save themselves.”
“They’re kids!” I protested.
“They’ve learned enough to know their lives are in their hands.”
“They’re kids, Vance.”
“Jules.”
“No,” I shook my head. “No. They’re special and if I don’t do anything else in my life, I’m gonna make sure they have one.”
“Jules.”
“No!” I shouted.
Vance stared at me then I could tell he came to a decision. “I’m not gonna change your mind, am I?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Then you gotta stop what you’re doin’ at night so you can be around to take care of them.”
I went back to silence.
Vance stared at me again. Then he muttered, “Shit.”
I couldn’t help myself. I knew he was giving up so I grinned.
He caught the grin and his eyes flashed. I stopped grinning.
“You go out, I’m your shadow,” he said. “Someone has to keep you safe.”
Um… no. I thought.
“No,” I said out loud.
“Yes.”
“No!” I yelled. “I know what I’m doing.”
“You don’t have a f**kin’ clue.”
I frowned at him. “Leave it alone, Vance. I know what I’m doing. I know you and all the boys think that I’m some kind of idiot female but I’m not. I know what I’m doing.”
He dropped to his side, taking me with him so we were face-to-face. “I’m keepin’ you alive,” he said.
“Vance –”
“You’re gonna stay alive. At least until we have a second date.”
I rolled my eyes.
It was my turn to give up. It was his turn to grin.
Okay, then I was going to get something out of it. “I want a favor,” I said.
His grin deepened and the change happened, this time it was the sexy change. “Yeah?”
“You’ll get a second date if you come into King’s tomorrow and talk to Roam.”
The change vanished. “I’m not takin’ him in.”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t want you teaching him. I just want you to walk up to him, talk to him in front of the other kids like you know him, like you respect him. Roam and Sniff. All the kids know about you, they respect you. You act like Roam’s your boy, it’ll enhance his reputation. It’ll mean something to the other kids. It’ll give him confidence.”
It would do more than that. It would give him just a tiny smidgen of what he wanted. It would be the first time he got even a taste of a life’s desire.
To Vance, it was taking thirty minutes and talking to a kid.
To Roam, it could change his life.
Vance didn’t answer, he just looked at me.
I leaned in, a bit, not much and then I whispered, so low you almost couldn’t hear it, “Please.”